There is nothing wrong with you. I know how you feel because I have been there myself. The thing is, when she would call, it usually was NOTHING. She would make up some lame excuse to call my BF and then try to talk to him about her problems (probably because she didn't have any friends). He didn't care to hear her problems and didn't care to talk about it. He didn't want to tell me because he thought she was so stupid and knew I would get upset if he told me why she was calling.

It took time, but I finally got to the point that I just didn't care.

I'm not saying he shouldn't share information with you (especially if it effects you), I'm just saying that sometimes they call for stupid reasons. One time ex called because she was so upset because her Mother (who she lives with and supports her) asked her to start paying some rent.

I tried a different approach with BF that worked for me. After he got off the phone with ex, I said, is everything OK? Is everything OK with daughter? He said yeah, she was just calling because...
I guess he felt less threatened.

Hang in there Bonusmom

I too do the same. In the first 5 yrs we are together, I never bothered w/the ex. Now we are on 6th year together and it got to me finally. I needed to know everything that was going on what she said and what he said. I saw how ex was taking advantage of my husband re: visitation schedule and she was just running son's life without my husband's input. I was pissed off and irritated by that woman! I saw how my husband was so afraid of her fearing that if he upsets her she might take him back to court for more $$. She emailed him a lot than talk. I told my husband that she was running his life & that she was not following court decisions re: divorce. I told him that from now on I will auto set his email and everytime she emails him I would get a copy automatically. This way I see all the stuff she says. I told my husband that no decision is made without my input. He finally had the guts (or should I say had no choice) to tell her that she is no longer allowed to switch days we have SS and that she needs to consult w/him regarding decision re: SS. I had to argue w/him numerous times to get this far. I told him do not be afraid of her, if she wants to take us back to court I'm ready than ever and not afraid of her. We have all the emails as evidence that she broke every rule in that divorce decree. Ex is now have changed and is now asking my husband for his input on everything re: SS. So you see, I'm part of this household and whatever goes on w/my husband I am involved in it 100%. What kind of a marriage is it if you can't know,share, ask questions about each other and not feel irritated?

-happy mom

I used to do the same thing. But every time he would get off the phone with her and I asked him what was said, he'd get very upset and clam up or argue with me. Why? Because in all honesty he didn't want to talk to her in the first place, and right after he gets off the phone he's still upset for having to talk to her. Even though it shouldn't, that anger boils over and burns me too if I jump on him as soon as he gets off the phone. It's bad enough that he has to talk to her, it only makes it worse to have to relay the conversation to me right after they get off.

Also, constantly asking him to relay to me everything that she said only gave him the impression that I was nagging him about her or that I was jealous and needed to know every word she said. Granted I was curious about things that she said, but I analyzed why I was curious...I realized that I wasn't jealous of him talking to her as much as I was genuinely concerned, mostly for SS or if she was doing something that was going to make our lives harder. But in order to get the information I wanted, I had to change my approach and realize that there are certain times you don't bring up the EX (especially right after they get off the phone!). I don't want to give him the impression that I am jealous because that only adds to his problems.

I experimented with this and stopped asking him things about her. My BF isn't much of a talker either, but I have noticed that he is MUCH more open with me about their conversations when I don't ask about them and he is the one who brings it up. I am actually suprised and happy with how often he does bring it up considering that he would always shut me down if I was the one to ask about it first. I don't push him past his limit, I know when he's ready to quit talking about it or occasionally he'll tell me he's done talking about it, so I move on to something else. This approach has really helped things!

Bottom line is he needs to feel like you are on HIS team. When you ask him questions about her you make him feel attacked. He has the two of you in his life. He assigns the negative feelings to her and puts her on the 'other team'. When you force him to talk about her, he is being unwillingly put through the negative feelings that he has for her and assigns that negativity to you...so he feels like you're not on his team anymore. You need to show him that you're on his team 24/7 with everything, and don't let her be an exception. You may be suprised after you've left him alone about her for a while, how much he really does bring it up. Besides, you don't need to waste your time and life worrying about what she says. Most of it is really not important but if it is I assure you, you will know

*~So sayeth Nymh~*

If my hubby's ex was a reasonable person it wouldn't be a problem but since she's not, it is. She used to call my husband frequently about stuff non-related to the kids, what I had a hard time accepting was how my DH condoned this after she had said many many bitchy things about me and him to our faces and behind our backs. I explained to my DH that allowing her to disrespect us, more so me, and then think she had a right to call up about non-kid stuff was just wrong and I wasn't comfortable with him talking to her because if the roles were reversed I wouldn't chat to my ex if he'd called my hubby all kinds of crap. By talking to her about non-kid stuff he was disrespecting me. Thankfully he saw where I was coming from and we now have the situation very much under control to both my DH's and my satisfaction.

So many similarities in my situation as well. My hubby isn't much of a talker either and in the beginning it was like pulling teeth to get him to tell me more. As time went on, he understood that it wasn't out of jealousy that I was asking but becuase his problems were now a part of my life and he needed to share that part with me. Also took him some time to understand that his decisions affected not only him but me and my daughters as well. It does get better with time, the communication I mean...but its everything else that happens that makes it a roller coaster.

I can't thank you all enough for sharing your feelings here and for understanding everyones situation...YOU ALL ARE TRULY GREAT!