I finally told H is he continues to sabotague me, I will quit class
H got home last nite-so I gave up even the thought of studying because he "needs" attention. So he got it.
This morning, tho, I came in to work on my lesson. Here he comes. Starts talking-the same crap he's been saying all week. Nothing new. But-how am I supposed to learn the nervous system with him yapping away? So, I left the room-went into the bathroom to fix my hair. So what does he do? follows me into the bathroom and tells me he needs to brush his teeth. WTF? He couldn't brush them while I was trying to study? Or wait till after I fixed my hair. Nope - he had to do it RIGHT NOW-because, of course, I was using the bathroom.
So I finally told him. I just said, we need to talk. He's now on the computer-got me off of it, out of my lesson, didn't he.
I said-We discussed schooling for months before I started. We agreed this was what I need to do for the future.
H-yeah.
Me-this course is hard enough to do when I can focus on it. But I cannot do it with you constantly upsetting me, or not letting me study/do my lessons. So I need to know, right now, if you're going to continue to sabotague me. If you are, I'm quitting. Right now.
H-Sabotauge is a pretty strong word.
Me- And that's exactly what you've been doing. I'm not allowed to say how hard it is...because you just tell me to quit. Well, let me tell you, childbirth is hard. But you don't quit it. Things can be hard, and I have the right to say it's hard, without quitting. Plus, you never let me even talk about it. I'm not allowed to even say what I'm studying.
H-that's not true.
Me-it's exactly the way it has been. And if it continues, I'm quitting. This is hard enough without all the crap making it harder. I'll just quit and get a job at McDonalds for $6.00/hr. Then you won't be able to rub my face in the fact that I don't work, even tho your the one who told me to quit my job.
H-I don't want you to do that (laughing, actually, at what I'm saying).
Me-either you start supporting me in this, or I am quitting. Right now.
H-well, sabotague is still pretty strong word.
Me. And it's exactly what you've been doing. You admitted last nite that you're afraid I'll get an education and outgrow you.
H-Ok. I'll try to do better.
Me. that's the only way I'll finish this.
Anyway, last nite, he told me, when we were talking and I used an anatomy term, that he's scared I'll outgrow him. While I understand that, the thing is I've always had a relatively large vocabulary and H doesn't. And I wouldn't leave him over "outgrowing" him. I'll leave him for being a total a$$hole.
I hope this discussion helps-every single day, while I'm trying to learn this difficult material, H has been calling, constantly, constantly, bitching and screaming about his job. Meantime, If I say anything about this course, he shuts me up. It's all been so hard, so nerve wracking, that concentrating on studying has been impossible this week.
It'd better improve. I almost lost it this morning-I was so ready to smack his smart mouth right into next week.
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I totally understand!
I get where you're coming from. I'm currently working on my MBA in finance full time nights while caring for the skids and my 9 month old. When I started school, DH was supportive in his words, saying that it would be a priority and he understood that this was for our future. Actions, however, speak otherwise. We have battled numerous times about how I cannot possibly study Finance/Accounting during the time that I'm caring for the baby/helping skids with homework/making dinner etc. He seems oblivious to the level of difficulty of the material. Since he hasn't completed college, I can't say I blame him for being clueless.
Keep your focus, though! H seems to be insecure and communication is key. Truly before you know it you'll be done, and reaping the rewards of your education. Don't quit. You'll end up resenting him for it in the long run. Dig your heels in. You sound like a smart cookie!!!
Why don't
you threaten to leave HIM?
I swear, you are doing this to better your life, BW. Don't let him have that power over you. Don't let him be the reason why you quit. I know it's tough. I'm taking four classes, working full time, AND have to deal with DH and SD8. :barf: I've been at that point where I just want to quit... but don't. You know why? You'll regret it for the rest of your life. Who cares what H says or thinks? You're not doing this for him. You're doing it for YOU.
The thing that keeps me going is that by finishing college, I will be able to have a really good job and make myself a better person. Just keep that in mind when you find yourself on the edge. *hugs*
go ahead and smack him!
And when he wonders what hit him, tell him he had to shut the eff up so you could study, otherwise, you can never be his sugar mama.
Maybe that line of BS with hold him for a while since he's hating his job.
nothing worth while comes easy
Just keep telling yourself that. And still smack him!!
He knows exactly what he's doing ~
He IS sabotaging you. He knows that when you've finished school, you will be able to support yourself without his help, and who is to stop you from leaving him? This is the classic scenario of an abuser. The abuser wants to isolate you from everyone, everything, get you financially dependent on him/her, try to brainwash you in thinking that you can't do any better, and that you can't make it without him/her. It's all about control. If you decide to leave, they have a sixth sense about that too!! That whole "outgrowing him" statement is such a crock! He's scared that you're trying to make a better life for yourself, because he knows that he won't have that control over you anymore when you've become financially dependent from him.
Don't let him beat you down, and don't quit. I wouldn't even threaten to quit, because that's what he wants. He's thinking, "I've got her back where I want her." The fact that he laughed while half-ass telling you not to quit tells me that he's DEFINTELY doing this on purpose. Is there a library in your town (with internet access) that you can go and study at so you can ignore the phone calls?
I want you to succeed so much, Bewitched. I know that you can do this. You deserve to better your life and dump that a-hole. If you ever need to talk, you can PM me.
do not quit!
who cares if hes supporting u or not? do u have a laptop? if so, take it to a coffee shop and do ur work there. or the library. anywhere to get away from him and his nonsense distractions. but DO NOT QUIT BC OF HIM!! thats what he wants chica!
u keep w it so u can get away from him!!!
"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin
I have to chime in on this...
I have been reading your posts for some time now BW.. and I am hoping you will hear this with an open mind....
You have no clue the power you have as a woman. Let me lay out a scenario..
You.. stop dealing with H. When he calls you simply answer what you must, no chit chat. Don't volunteer info, but don't withhold what is pertinent to him.
When he starts screaming... hang up. When he calls back-press ignore. If he persists calmly tell him that until he can speak like an adult that there is no need for him to call back. Hang up.
Now, you will def get some wrath for this, but who cares?? You are getting it ANYWAY. The way I am reading your posts is this.. you are still playing the role of wife. Why? Do you harbor thoughts of making it work? If you do, then ok, different scenario, but if not.. mentally check out. What is the worse he can do?? Yell some more? --Move out?? well then that works in your favor!
Its your parents house right? and frankly the law will be more favorable for a woman... so he can't kick you out.. you will more than likely get a peice of his 70k+ a year since you are not working an outside job. AND... a single woman has many options available for education.
I like Bella's idea.. had thought of it before too... go to a coffee shop and just don't worry about H.
Sorry if this is too blunt.. but you really seem to be a genuine person, and you deserve SO much better!!!
Bewitched
When I married my ex I was 21. I quit school and became mom. i decided to go back to school when I was 29 and finished up. He would do everything he could to keep me from studying or completeing class assignments. With the ex it was "the kids need you" or "the baby is crying."
It was always something. It drove me bonkers but I finished. When I decided to leave I could support myself! What a great feeling!
So don't quit!!! He is probably afraid that you may not need him anymore if you finish school.
education is something no one can ever take away from you!
Girls-I'm NOT QUITTING. Just threatening H with it
"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere
because, somewhere in his little pea brain, he thinks that in two years he can quit his job and live off me and in my parents home. That's his little scenerio. He even admitted it this morning! According to him, he's worked harder and longer than anyone on planet earth, so if he can quit working at 46 (two years from now) he just soooo deserves it.
But he is trying to make me look stupid-if I can't study, I can't attain an A. And that is what I am striving for. That way, if for some reason I can't go in the fall, I'll have the grade needed for any nursing school.
No, thanks all for caring. Not quitting. Just trying to get H to stop running his mouth-he's like an old woman, following me everywhere, constantly blah blah blah blah. Just like he is on the phone. He constantly has to be talking or he's not happy-even his family members have observed to me how he constantly talks about himself, but never lets anyone else say anything. Like he is the center of the very universe, and everything about him must be fascinating to everyone. Hah. It's boring at best-but boring I can do. What I can't do is concentrate with him yammering away in the background. AAARRRRGGGGHHH!