I'm in Shock
BM may have a terminal illness. The test results aren't back yet. DH asked me to think about adopting ssons if something happens to her. I honestly don't know what to tell him. A part of me feels: yes of course; but another part of me feels I'm not ready for that kind of responsiblity.
~BettyRay
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Comments
Whoa, I think that you need
Whoa, I think that you need time to process the whole BM terminal illness thing, get the test results back, and let that sink in before you address the adopting issue.
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Rome wasn't built in a day, and my marriage won't be either.
Yes, absolutely. This isn't
Yes, absolutely. This isn't something that you'd be able to do right away anyway. The kids would need time to grieve before they could even THINK about handling an adoption. I hope that BM's going to be okay & this is just a scare but my advice to you is to take one thing at a time.
"There are two things over which you have complete dominion, authority, and control over - your mind and your mouth".
you never know what youre
you never know what youre made of until you take on something that youre not ready for.
"if you don't have anything nice to say, then shut the fuck up."
Ohhhh, I like that!
Ohhhh, I like that!
DISbelief~
~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~
yeah process first. but why
yeah process first. but why adopt? if youa dopt them, those kdis get rights of inheritance from you. if you hubby died, you would be legally responsible...so on and so forth. if you ever got divorced, you would be liable for child support. you see?
it would be terrible if their BM died...but why does that mean you have to adopt them? makes no sense to me.
Yea... don't make funeral
Yea... don't make funeral arrangements just yet. Some people can live with terminal illnesses for years. Also DO NOT mention this around the Skids (adoption) if it gets back to the mom it could do some serious damage. If she iss dieing, let her die in peace not upset that her kids already have a "replacement mom" (unless this is your relationship with BM and she would feel better)
yeah hubby might have this
yeah hubby might have this idea...but the kids could really resent it.
I'm sorry to hear about
I'm sorry to hear about BM.....
Cross one bridge at a time BettyR - when you go and jump an entire lake, you usually fall short!
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WF_10F7eYRE
Madea gives relationship advice
ya. crazy!!! one bite at a
ya. crazy!!! one bite at a time geez! I don't even think DH should be involved in that triangle. it's you and the kids. that's it. you all are the ones that get to think about a decision like that.
Like MM said, cross that
Like MM said, cross that bridge when you get there. BM might be okay in the end.
We had the same scare last year regarding SD's mom. DH never asked me to step up but the likelihood would be there since he'd have SD full-time. BM's fine now but anyone with cancer has that probability of it coming out of remission. When and if this happens, and if DH asked me to adopt ( I doubt he would), I would say with an affirmative no. Why?--Because it would be like extinguishing SD's mother's existence of having a part of her life. In a sense it's like taking a deceased parents rights away, severe the connection between parent and child, at least that's what it would feel like to me. I would never consider adoption unless SD really wanted it and even then I would riddle her with questions why.
Your DH is really jumping the gun on things. Everyone needs to process this news and whatever future news first.
terribly sad
terribly sad situation.....
but as everyone has mentioned DO NOT ADOPT skids!
DH was in panic mode when he
DH was in panic mode when he asked me. He was thinking along the lines of if something happened to her and then something happened to him - who would he want to raise the boys? He's calmed down since and we've had a couple of good conversations regarding where he's at and where I am with this.
I'm not one to rush into anything, I'm taking a wait-and-see approach. The boys are 8 and 12 and I would want this to be something that they want to.
My main concern for the boys and their well being if she is sick. The boys don't know about the tests she's had and DH and I DO NOT talk about it when they are with us.
~BettyRay
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"PROBLEMS ARE ONLY OPPORTUNITIES IN WORK CLOTHES."
-Henry Kaiser
HAHAHA, wow, they can look
HAHAHA, wow, they can look me up, I can wish all i can but will never hurt a darn FLY =/
IP addresses. Duh!
IP addresses. Duh!
It is not what I meant, it
It is not what I meant, it is an extremely hypothetical situation.
These things have to take place in order for me to be processed for a crime.
1)She would have to have a suspicious death (which is highly unlikely itself)
2)I would have to be a suspect
3)I would have to not only be a "suspect" but actually a very direct/strong one for them to take my computer away.
4)Even if they did take my computer away, they would have to yet find this site.
5)If they do find this, I am saying I would like that to happen but I also state that I have no intention on doing so.
6)If they find an intention they still need "proves" to link one thing and another! because this is not the 1800's we are based on something called evidence.
HaHa, a lot of things need to happen in order for me to go to jail just because I am saying the world would be a better place without her! =/
Gia, come on now. You're
Gia, come on now. You're totally missing the point. You should never say you want someone dead let alone writing it down. Period.
Is there a smart-app for this girl? Seriously.
I didn't mean to open a can
I didn't mean to open a can of worms on this. I just thought Gia may be hurting due to her comment. I'm pregnant and the thought of ANY woman dieing in childbirth is a scary one for me. I just hope that these thoughts and emotions are being taken care of.
My sd, my Dh and I would all be better off if Bm died. However she is still an evolving person. She is incredably dumb and has put Sd in harms way before. But who is to say that she is not going to grow out of it and do some good in the world before she leaves it. idk I don't think anyone should judge anyone on this site, but comments will generate more comments and some of them may not be what the poster wanted. Gia, I'm sorry if this is getting under your skin. Take care of yourself.
okay that was weird.
okay that was weird.
Thetis, this was definitely
Thetis, this was definitely off topic from the OP but Gia needed to be called out on her ignorant comments in this case.
The way you've explained your perspective is at least said with some grace and tact. But, everyone needs to keep in mind what the say on a public forum or any kind of writing for that matter can come back to bite you.
Thetis, I wish you an easy
Thetis, I wish you an easy delivery and healthy baby. You guys overreact. This is just my opinion on the subject, I am not saying "I can't sleep, because I want her to die" or I can't eat, ot whatever.
Our lives would be muuuch better, even SD6's in the long run, if her mother wasn't around, in the best case scenario she goes back to her state with her boyfriend and baby and leave us alone, without involving death.
I have said before that I shouldn't really wish bad upon anybody because that comes back, I want to be a better person of course, and I admire anybody that can overcome these feelings, but I don't have to apologize if I am not that person yet, maybe I will be more mature one day and realize that I was wrong, but as of now I am just voicing my sincere opinion without sugarcoating it with "we should all forgive" blah blah blah...
Have you had someone close
Have you had someone close to you die? If that little girl's mother died today, she would miss her until the day that SHE dies. For you to insinuate that her life would be better off in the long run is pretty presumptuous on your part. How do you know that would make her life better? She would always wonder 'what if, what if, what if'
It's sick to see that you actually mean it. You do need to grow up and seek some serious help.
Speaking as a Daughter who
Speaking as a Daughter who lost her Mom way too soon, I completely agree with everything you said WSM!!!
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WF_10F7eYRE
Madea gives relationship advice
I think people tend to
I think people tend to forget that no matter how shitty of a mother *we* may think (or even KNOW) that someone is, their child loves them with their whole heart.
Gia, I'm willing to bet you
Gia, I'm willing to bet you have nothing personal against all people who have mothers and those who have lost mothers and that you'll be devastated if your own mother died, but you sure as hell are entitled to say how you feel.
Sheesh people, it's not like she's plotting to do the deed.
It's a VENT, and I wouldn't be surprised if many of the SMs here have had a similar thought at one point or another, takes guts to actually say it though, esp knowing that the how-could-you's would appear.
Of course, the How-Could-You folks are 100% entitled to voice their opinion.
"I think I can. I think I can. I think I can. I know I can."
— Little Engine That Could
Thanks for understanding my
Thanks for understanding my point stepmom31!!!
Am I saying that the way I feel is the correct way? NO way, like I say, I actually admire those who can easily overcome it. MANY, MANY of us say "Everything would be better if she died..." how is that any different?
Am I going to go there and stab her? NO, I have class, I am SANE, I wouldn't know how to do it, and a billion other reasons why not. I am not going to jail for the sake of saving my marriage, if BM brings to much stress and the only way to solve that is killing her, I'd get a divorce!
Would I pay someone to kill her? NO!!! Obviously I don't want her to die a terrible, painful death, it wasn't like she killed a loved onf of mine, I just voice my opinion of yes, I STRONGLY believe that things would be better, even her child, because like they said before, the child will miss her mother, but she is not a teenager, she is just a 5 year old, she doesn't understand much about life, and she has started to act a little bit how her mother acts because she spends time with her, if her mother wasn't around, we would raise the child 100% with whatever rules we want and she won't follow the steps of her DUMB mother.
I also know that the lack of her mom can even bring behavioral problems to SD5, but I am just terrorized to think that one day SD will be the "mini" BM.
ONCE AGAIN, I do not think that this is a positive feeling to have, but I have yet to find the way to change the way I feel about it.
If had any class Gia you
If had any class Gia you wouldn't have broadcasted that you wanted BM dead. At least not for the reasons you're stating.
Enough said.
Yeah, your analogy didn't
Yeah, your analogy didn't work at all, those are two totally different scenarios. I never defended my position, maybe you should have read what I said about how I do not think that I am right for thinking that way, it was just my 100% subjective opinion. And I am about done with this subject
Gia Everyone has feelings of
Gia Everyone has feelings of wishing the BM will go away perm, now and then, and this is a place to vent. You have a right to your feeling without being judged and defending every last word you said. People have a tendency to look int0 things here and then drag the crap out of it. Not one of us can honestly say we never wished BM dead once. For them to judge you and hassle you because you said it on a venting sight is just wrong. People vent here how they hate their SK and most truly dont have hate in their hearts. If you cant release emotion about BM here, then where? this site was set up for that.
Im sure you dont have a hit man on contract, LOL
As for the original post, let just pray the BM is ok,
Wishing death upon BM
Wishing death upon BM because she causes harm to the skids......understandable, wishing death upon BM just because in *her* opinion she's stupid?......not so much.
IMO, it doesn't matter if she's plotting the deed or not, to have something like that in her heart shows her true character.
Like my Momma always said: Be careful what you wish for my Dear.
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WF_10F7eYRE
Madea gives relationship advice
Dead puppies aren't much
Dead puppies aren't much fun.
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Love me or hate me, I'm still gonna shine!!!
I kinda agree with Thetis,
I kinda agree with Thetis, our BM is the same way, putting her daughter in harms way and doing stupid things that I just wish she would die sometimes, but I think more so that I wish she would change her behavior before it really starts affecting her daughter!