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What should and shouldn't be allowed at 16 years of age

Bec's picture

Submitted by Bec on Sun, 05/18/2008 - 10:27pm

Even though it is not that long since I was 16 I wouldn't know what is acceptable and what is not (since with my stepmum NOTHING was acceptable).
My Aussie man is so laid back, he will let anything go with SD just for an easy life!
What do you think about the following?
1) Answering back / being bolshy
2) Staying out all night (at friends houses and parties (we know where she is)
3) Staying at the boyfriend's house
4) Hogging the remote control and constantly flicking channels over
5) Not eating breakfast / lunch
6) Piercings & ear lobe stretching
7) Demanding things from her father rather than asking
Dirol Not making enough effort to get a Saturday job and she owes her father money
9) Leaves homework until last minute (e.g. Sunday night)
10) Drinking alcohol at parties, keeps it secret from her father

On the plus side she
1) Does comply with her housework rota
2) She is not rude to me
3) She's got cool taste in music but never plays it too loudly
4) She knows what she wants to do as a career and is working hard towards it
5) She doesn't binge drink and make herself sick

I am interested to hear peoples' opinions on what they think is acceptable / unacceptable these days as I believe her dad is being a bit too laid back or maybe I just need to chill?
Thanks Smile

Comments

Karma_'s picture

Submitted by Karma_ on Mon, 05/19/2008 - 1:45am

Nothing on your list from 1 to 10 is acceptable to me.

Make sure your husband is not confusing laid back with IRRESPONSIBLE.

everythinghappens4areason's picture

Submitted by everythinghappe... on Mon, 05/19/2008 - 1:52am

I have a 16 yr old daughter and her butt would be grounded permanently if she even tried the 1 - 10 items on your list......time to talk with hubby and get him to see that being a parent involves putting rules in place and making his daughter abide by them....being the cool parent does NOT help them learn responsibility for when they become an adult...which is not far off. Good luck to you...may have a hard time with hubby (& SD) since he has allowed things to get this far out of control.

Corie

Nymh's picture

Submitted by Nymh on Mon, 05/19/2008 - 9:50pm

As a teenager, I was a very mature and responsible young woman. So my parents let me have certain priveledges that some kids might not get to do. When I was 16, I did off of your list:

1) Answering back / being bolshy
All kids do that!
2) Staying out all night (at friends houses and parties (we know where she is)
I did this, my parents always knew where I was.
3) Staying at the boyfriend's house
I stayed the night at my boyfriend's house on rare occasions, we went on family vacations together also and my parents always knew where we were and had phone numbers.
4) Hogging the remote control and constantly flicking channels over
No, I didn't watch TV
5) Not eating breakfast / lunch
I didn't eat breakfast, but I always ate lunch at school
6) Piercings & ear lobe stretching
I did both of these!
7) Demanding things from her father rather than asking
No, I would have gotten grounded
Dirol Not making enough effort to get a Saturday job and she owes her father money
My parents owed ME money LOL
9) Leaves homework until last minute (e.g. Sunday night)
I did this...sometimes I even did homework before school that morning. I think that as long as it's getting done, that's fine. My parents never had a hand in my homework unless I asked them to.
10) Drinking alcohol at parties, keeps it secret from her father
I'll be honest, I did this too...not so much at 16 but at 17 I did a lot. However, I always knew my boundaries and never binge drank, never got in trouble, and always stayed where I was.

*~So sayeth Nymh~*

Bec's picture

Submitted by Bec on Tue, 05/20/2008 - 12:52am

Thanks for your comments, it is appreciated, there seems pretty much a 50/50 split. At this stage it is going to be pretty hard to back track and I have been thinking hard and discussing with her dad and come to these conclusions.
1. She isn't answering me back, only her father, so if he is prepared to put up with it I must stop letting it upset me as it is not upsetting him.
2. It would be unkind to take this away from her now. I have discussed with AussieMan and he has agreed that this will be limited to one night a week to make sure her sleep isnt too disrupted. She has agreed to this.
3. I know her father isn't very happy about this so I think he is going to exercise more control over this one. The fact is they are gonna "do it" whether we approve or not so it is probably best to keep the lines of trust and communication open.
4. Last night AussieDad regained control of the remote during programs we wanted to watch to prevent the flicking between channels.
He is promising to continue this so our programs aren't ruined.
5. I have just been shopping to get more tempting brekkie stuff like croissants, waffles etc so hopefully that'll get her off to a better start in the mornings (fingers crossed)!
6. AussieDad has been really clear on this one and the cartilage piercings have come out and there are to be no more. The stretchers are still there but I guess it is a compromise and at least this has been instigated before she did anything to her pretty face.
7. Next time this happens and AussieDad gives in to money with menaces (as I call it) he will get the cold shoulder from me. He will only probably do this the once. He is the one that has caused this behaviour so he should be the one getting punished.
8. I will try and help her as much as I can look for another job
9. If her dad is happy with her marks then leave alone
10. I am going to keep quiet on this one unless she starts to binge.

I hope her father can keep his side of the deal, I will be very upset if what has been agreed gets flouted as this will be his fault for being lax. Especially since (apparently) she has agreed with the rules and not caused a stink.