I'm with you. It's hard not to feel used. I make 5x what FDH makes. He cannot pay his own bills with what he brings in...let alone feed and clothe his chidlren (not to mention incidentals and lawyer fees, etc.).

And yesterday he made a comment about how he should be a stay-at-home dad because it's so hard to work and take care of 3 kids full time. OH HELL TO THE NO!!! He tried to say that I should be okay with it because I'm part of the family. I told him that if he really felt that way, I couldn't afford to be a part of this family and would move on. Conversation over. WTF?!

These men should come with a warning label.

I think most of us who marry men who pay CS end up feeling that way, wether we make more money or not...because at the end, we do end up spending more of our money to pay bills as they have little left over...sigh...even when they make 2x as much as us.

What worked for me while he continued to pay CS and spend on extras for idiot, was that I gave him an allowance from what was left over of his money after he paid 1/2...which was basically crap. My extra money went into a separate account. It was ONLY touched when I wanted to do something ALONE with our son and/or DH...never spent a dime of my money when SKID came over...if dad didn't have enough, too bad...really, it isn't my problem.

PS - before people attack me, there were PLENTY of times when we did take both the kids out, and idiot skid would come with an extra 20-40USD to buy stuff for herself at the fair, Six Flags, etc...and we could not afford to buy a darn thing extra for our son after paying for skid's ticket, etc...so, needless to say, neither I nor DH felt bad for not taking skid out after that...of course, she spent every penny on herself and didn't even get her brother a freaking ice cream, so we did the same.

I make alot more than Dh does. BM pays for NOTHING for SD. So guess who pays more out and i hate it. She is starting driving lessons they are $35 a lesson, 12 lessons..I wanted to scream. I also own my home before I meet DH so i pay for the mortgage..he helps on other things but overall its me...He takes care of all his bills and he is a smoker which kills him with the amount he dishes out a week so when SD goes out (which isnt often enough) I usually am the one that hands her money....I HATE THAT!!!!

DH makes more than me on paper, but after you factor in CS I bring home more money. I despise the fact that we have to give BM so much of our money, especially since she doesn't use it on the kids and we end up having to buy all their school clothes and they act like they are starving when they come over.

We solve all the extras though by giving each other an allowance. My allowance is usually used on our dates, haircuts, clothing, lunch with the girls, etc. His is used on junk for his kids, gas to go pick them up, every now and then lunch with me, etc. Everything else goes into our joint account for bills and savings.

I'm with Herewego, it's important to have a secret skid free stash.

"Jesus is coming and boy is he pissed!"- bumper sticker

I am for now. my husband is in school for engineering and makes about 1/4 of my monthly income. but we dont do anything special for the kids exept go to the playground.

I think we make around the same amount, though it's difficult for me to calculate because my taxes are paid quarterly rather than taken out of each paycheck.

Honestly, I don't know how FDH does it, but we both pay equally in our household. Sometimes I've covered his slack when his boss doesn't pay on time, and sometimes he's covered my slack when quarterly taxes time came up and ate my whole paycheck.

We pay pretty equally on rent, electrical, water, garbage, and the garden. The only thing is that when I go grocery shopping, I have a tendency to buy more things, so I probably spend a lot more on groceries. I also spend more on home decorations (pillows, blankets, decorative furniture, etc.), but that's my choice because I like a nice house. I also spend quite a large amount of money on the cats, because I feed our own plus all the local strays. Even with all my decided extra expenses, I know it doesn't add up to his monthly CS. I don't know how he affords everything with that chunk of change missing. His CS is more than our combined monthly rent--and neither of us could afford to live where we do without splitting the rent. It's ridiculous.

I don't feel taken advantage of though. He lived in a much smaller place before, and he was very reluctant to move to a larger place where he wouldn't be able to afford the rent without my contribution. He doesn't ask me to pay for things for the kids; when they come over, he buys groceries. I do sometimes pick up things for the kids though. I get little things for their room, or an extra sweater, or maybe a few grocery items I know they like. He doesn't expect that though, and neither do they.

*raises hand*

GG brings home $200 a week after taxes and CS, therefore I get stuck with paying all the living expenses. His money goes toward remodeling materials. Probably sunk about 25-30K in remodeling materials alone (GG does the labour) over the last five years. My income also goes toward remodeling materials especially back in the day when GG would overspend on his entitled children during their royal weekend visits.

I make about 44K a year. The Behemoth makes more than GG, slightly less than me. Her husband, the Snuffleupagus makes about 80+K a year. With GG's 12K tax free CS and two bios and two foster children for tax benies they are doing very well. Constantly going on vaca, at one time sailing with Oprah!!

We, on the other hand never go on vaca, have to burn wood exclusively for heat (can't afford the heating bill) drive 12 year old plus paid for in cash beaters. GG gets a company truck and free gas for me.
Eat out about once every 8 months or so if that often.

I am the proud owner of a:

1995 ford pickup truck used exclusively for plowing, towing and tractor work (unregistered/unlicensed)
1997 ford pickup truck (for everything else)
2000 dodge neon (my transport back and forth from work)

Yes I am resentful (if you couldn't tell) I have been the bread winner for all the adult males in my life as well as a single parent in years past.

Here's my situation on this. When Dh and I married, he made like twice what I did. So, although I knew he paid CS, as well as medical expenses and all education expenses for SD, that didn't bother me too much because it just brought our incomes more in line with each other.

Less than a year after we got married, DH lost his job. Hasn't been able to find a decent-paying job since. Meanwhile, my income continued to increase as I advanced in my career, got promoted, etc.

Now I make twice what DH does. He couldn't survive if not for my income. But he still shells it out hand over fist to SD18, despite my objections that is now comes from MY money and not just his money. It's frustrating no matter what the situation, I guess.

DH makes more $ than I do, by a little bit, but CS wipes that out, so we are about tit for tat...

We split bills down the middle. DH knows he better get out there with a damn "will work for food" sign before whatever I have left over goes into his responsibilities, desires or wants for SD...He also knows that he's responsible for DS as well...So most times I'm the one that ends up with extra $$.

DH and I make about the same. So we split everything. CS is not figured in anywhere. Example…when DH was paying CS, he still paid half of everything. When he was receiving CS, he paid half of everything.

I just don’t understand how CS is wiping some of your DH’s checks out? DH paid guideline for a VERY long time and it never really was a burden. It was only straight 20% for one kid and then various other thinks for skid. CS NEVER put him in a bind.

Dh and I make about the same amount of money. He actually probably brings in a little more. What sux is he doesnt even work-but has a pension, VA benefit, and disability coming in. We owe no court order support, ss lives with mil right now and gets a separate disability check for ss. Back when dh did paid cs-it never bothered me too much-it wasnt all that much and I was more than happy to pay the cost and keep the kid out of my house on a full time basis We had had custody for 7 years prior so me the cash was an easy sacrifice for my peace of mind.

We did typically pitch in more to help support ss as well-bought most of his clothes and such for years and for the most part I was ok with that as well. BM stopped asking us for extra help after my dh got his disability approved as she actually recieved about 150.00 increase over the cs.

I do get pissy if mil asks for more than the 400.00 she gets for ss. The kid is not in childcare-we still provide much of his wardrobe-we provide health and dental for him. So i'm not really sure what would cost more than 400.00? I dont think he eats that much

We are both "retired" (at least for now) so I cannot compare incomes - there is none.

But I have the money. I had a great career, and it was lucrative - which is why I am retired so early.

I have no problem at all sharing with DH.

But when we were first together I had to go ballistic over SS. My natural tendency was to help - but I soon (about 30 days) felt used by the little prick. Oh he only has one pair of worn out flip flops that look like they cost $1 - so they go to the store and buy him multiple pairs of shoes? Then it becomes his grocery plus a little cash.

So now the rule is the little bastard (almost for real - he was product of ONS where DH married her because he is so honorable) cannot have one DIME (literally) of my money unless it is MY decision.

What makes me just want to go crazy is that BM is such a f*&^*() whore who thinks I should pick up after her crotch droppings. She got pregnant as a teenager by DH (after sleeping with multiple guys as ONSs). He marries her for a few years - she cheats all the time. They divorce and are not a couple at all. A DECADE after the first crotch dropping they have another ONS and second crotch dropping arrives. He remarried her, same story second verse and they divorce again in 2-3 years.

She has a very good job and a college degree. She has spend zip on this kid in the last 20 years. SS even told me one time that his mother had no money. Her sob story - total lies. She makes over $100,000 a year in a job she has had for almost 30 years with a major corp. She has savings, retirement, benefits, etc. Her house (that looks like a shack) is long since paid for. Now I will say she does not live high on the hog. She is just a miser who likes to play poor. She is worth a million if she is worth a dime but she likes for people to think she is living hand to mouth.

If she leaves it to her son (doubtful) when she dies - assuming he is not long gone by then he will be dead in a week from a drug overdose.

SS24 is a homeless druggie who also had alcohol problems. He is SO screwed up. Kind of sweet and I feel sorry for him. Worthless mother so much more interested in how often she could spread her legs and a weak father (DH) who was totally controlled by bitch of a second wife. His kids were not allowed to visit nor was he allowed to see them - she made them move away. Of course he let that happen. Not sure if I blame her though especially after knowing those kids. SS24 had no one who gave a crap about him. But at 24 he needs to get his act together and quit using that as an excuse.

I spend too many years being hardnosed in the business world. I will NOT let my hardearned funds go to support this piece of crap that she produced. I have literally let him be homeless and hungry. I have a foundation that I set up and I give a lot of money to help people help themselves so please don't think I am totally heartless.

DH loves him dearly and keeps bringup things like maybe we can help him go to school, etc. He works maybe 20-30 hours a week. If he had ANY interest in helping himself he could go hop on a bus (free bus passes available to those trying to get jobs), stay clean enough to pass a drug test, and check out jobs and community college. He has said he wants to work offshore on oil rigs. Yeah sure - like he could go 14 days with no drugs or alcohol or pass a drug test in the first place. I think his brain is fried.

From someone who is definitely NOT the breadwinner in our family, I'll tell you it's not fun. I wish so much that I could help DH with bills and the medical bills and debt (all leftover from divorce). I helped as much as he'd let me when I first moved in, but at that point I was on summer break from college and working 2 jobs 14-16 hours a day. I was also childless. At this point I can barely work and bring home about $200/month after taxes. We have a 9mo old daughter, and can't afford the $180/week that the daycares around here want for childcare for a child that young. We can't get gov assistance for daycare because BM (NCP) claims the kids for foodstamps. So according to them DH makes enough to easily support the 3 of us, but not really enough for 5 of us without us needing to be creative. I've spent the last year looking for another job so I can help out with the bills, but since he's in school 9am-1pm, then work 3pm-11pm... Overnight jobs are slim, and I have no idea when I would sleep. It sucks.