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SD visit- blog hogging

bananaseedo's picture

Sorry for two blogs in a row- wanted to give a quick update on SD/pregnancy thing.  At this point we are coming around slowly to the idea. 

Their plan was to move with his parents to SC as they have purchased a lot of land.  They were going to move in with them temporarily until their (SD and fiance) got their place built.  There were some issues with their plan, SD has a dog she loves but they are insisting it cannot be in the house with them and has to be made a kennel outdoors.  They put a lot of thought and realized this is just not an option.

Another issue-apparently his parents when they get to drinking liquor things get pretty rowdy and sometimes big yelling fights- given that SD also had an issue with drinking and is now turned a whole new leaf, she doesn't feel the influence w/a newborn will be good-they promised to abstain but it IS their house and we all know how that goes.  Obviously my DH had big issues (has) and is trying to reform.   My own self -I've struggled at times with drinking too much but now I'm down to one drink a week, IF that- huge for me.  I dont' miss it at all, but I have noticed my depression has worsened a lot.  

SD and fiance currently live with my MIL in the basement- it's set up super nice and it's very large so they are comfortable.  Since my BIL (who also lives there) works very long hours, SD is kind of the only caregiver MIL has.  Dr appts, grocery store, SD cleans, cooks, etc.  There are some other issues where she (and us) dont' really trust BIL to be alone with MIL at the moment. BIL and my MIL also want them to stay. 

They figured they can always work here and build out of state and then move once the place is done-why go now when things are iffy with MIL, they would have to force their dog outside (it would be detrimental if not deadly to his health based on his breed and health condition) and the possibility of disruption w/drinking. Having a bedroom in someones house vs their own set up downstairs is likely more uncomfortable/less private.  MIL I doubt will interfere in taking over the parenting or being meddlesome, but I can TOTALLY see her fiances mom doing this- SD is VERY proud, stubborn and headstrong-does things her way.  I can see it causing some big fights/issues with her future MIL if she's constantly shadowed.  d

I 100pct agree w/their decision-they are making the right choice for now.  MIL/SD live only mins from us- one fear was her trying to offload baby w/us any chance she got so in a way we were relieved they were moving- but overall we realize it's best if they stay.  We will just have to hold to our guns on when we are available and make it strictly on our terms.  BM also lives in this state (though about 40 mins or so away).

In the past SD would dump her previous dog at us at every turn- they rehomed it-she also did this with a puppy which she also rehomed.  But this dog has been around a while- and it's not going anywhere- her heart dog one could say.  She even 'stole' it back from her ex-bf as it was in deplorable living conditions.  She didn't care if she went to jail lol-  luckily they did not press charges.  

She brought us a ton of ultrasound pics (I will MAKE you love this baby lol).   From where we were some months and even weeks ago, we are coming around, I"m not excited for the difficulties it can present HER life being so young, but I'll admit I love babies, I think this little guy will end up really softening our heardened hearts.  We could use some of that love and fuzzy feelings around here. It may be life-changing in a good way.  

 

 

Comments

CLove's picture

Well, it sounds like without the drinking you have much in the way of clarity. Everyones trying not to drink so the WORST thing you can do is be around someone who drinks.

And since they are going to be moving again after house is built its easier to move once rather than twice. Although it helps get rid of more stuff!

Glad you have things worked out with boundaries in place.

grannyd's picture

Hon, never apologize for 'blog-hogging'! I'm certain that I speak for all of us StepTalkers in contending that both your posts, and your comments on a variety of blogs, are truly valued. In fact, your insights and willingness to share your personal experiences are downright hug-worthy! (((((HUGS)))))