Any lawyers or familiar with wills/POA?
SO, I have a sick feeling BM is behind all this, I'd guarantee it 100pct.....that said, I'm glad things are in action to take my BIL out of the equation.
Quick explanation: BIL screwed my MIL over right after my FIL passed some 7 years ago by adding himself AND his wife (now ex-wife) on the deed to the house. He also put himself/ex-wife secondary as POA.
He did not even MENTION my DH in any of this paperwork. DUring that time I can attest my MIL was grief stricken, not of her right mind and likely influenced to sign and didn't much realize what was happening. It is not legal to NOT list all the children on this paperwork btw, even if they don't have POA , etc...they have to be listed for record I understand.
What ocurred over time. My BIL took every cent of my FIL's life insurance money for my MIL, had access to her bank accounts, drained it every chance he could. MIL claimed for years she was going to get it all changed and wants to leave my DH (her favorite she always says) the house, granted the house is not paid off, but will be quite close to paid off when DH inherits it. Even if he has to pay a few years, the mortgage is very affordable.
SO here's the thing- SD came into town (left baby with her fiance/family out of state) and took her to the attorney. Attorney filed paperwork to demand BIL remove his name from the house deed OR she will go after both him and his ex for fraud. We shall see what happens. MIL is rightfully nervous about his reaction, he is quite verbally abusive. I told her to call us if anything happens or he shows up and keep doors locked. My BIL lived there with MIL up until about 6 months ago, where he moved in with a girlfriend but left all his crap there and still comes/goes when he has his son as he pleases....sporadically. To my knowledge he doesn't have a house key though.
While at attorney MIL also updated her will w/leaving the house to DH. Anyways, SD and MIL said the attorney said they can't have the same person that is inheriting majority of assest of will (including a small life insurance policy)be power of attorney. So they put SD as POA, and DH as secondary, and removing my BIL as POA.
DH and I looked at eachother like what? I asked, why wouldn't you place your adult son (DH) as POA and SD as secondary? That's when SD mentioned the attorney said it can't be done like that in Georgia. I'm not sure I buy that.
Earlier in the year SD was pushing for BM to take my MIL to do all these tasks at attorney until we had a fit and said absolutely NOT-she is to have nothing to do with any of that and told SD to know her place. So instead, she came down to handle it because according to my all of 21yr old SD, we weren't taking MIL to do it (keep in mind we offered to multiple times).
1- I'm grateful BIL is being removed from it all, it will be a nightmare catching him to sign papers for the deed I'm sure, it will be another nightmare to have him remove all his belongining, hoarding, broken down vehicles, boat, jetskis ...no idea how one even does that. But he's destroying her property with his junk! I am nervous about his reaction for sure.
2. Am I wrong in thinking bm who is SUPER swine, coached SD on what to do? Keep in mind with SD being POA she will have access to all medical, banking, etc, right? I'll take SD over my BIL anyday-but I also know what BM can influence, but her dad can likely put a stop to it quickly if he notices anything strange, where MUCH harder with his brother.
3. Is it absolute not true about the poa/will thing? Did we (and MIL) just get bamboozled by SD and BM?
I kept telling DH we should just take her to the attorney and get it done ourselves, but as always, he's never rushed. Maybe what they said is true though?
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We Have Wills/POAs
These have been done for years due to the high conflict BM and SKs we dealt with. I am the main beneficiary on DH's will and I am his POA (just as he is with my will and is my POA) so I question that comment about "can't be both." I do know states have different laws, though. Also, as a secondary POA person (we have those also), that secondary only comes into play if and when the primary POA person cannot perform his/her duties.
Personally, I'd make an appointment with the attorney for DH and his mom to review what was done IN PERSON. And if it's not what his mom wants, the changes can be made. POAs are powerful. I had one on my son while he was deployed and I could do ANYTHING legally/financially for him. And had to do such things multiple times. My POA on DH is just as powerful. I have full legal authority over anything and everything (as he with me).
I would not wait around on this. Your DH needs to take action immediately.
Good point! I think it would
Good point! I think it would be very wise for him to do this.
We (very bad I know) haven't even set that up yet...we should have during Covid...but this is putting a fire behind my but to get things done now. We will likely do the same as you, both POA and on the wills for eachother and then figure out what to do w/our children.
As it stands, it would follow state law I'm sure.
Adding this: I have to get
Adding this: I have to get clarification from MIL, or we can just ask to read the papers....at one point I though she said the POA was 'split' one medicla, one financial? OF course it was said so quickly now we aren't sure. Maybe that's what they meant by DH being secondary? Wouldn't he have to sign something as well?
I think we need to go over and have another conversation with my MIL for sure and get things clear and keep a copy of documents for DH.
I was shocked she would put SD in charge of anything- SD also took money from my MIL when she lived there...and MIL reminds us of this a lot- SD does love her grandmother and does right by her. When she visited she cleaned up the house, took her to dr appts, the attorney, hair cut, shopping, etc...she did an excellent job caring for her while she was there too- BUT she likes to get 'compensated' for that and MIL has dropped a lot of $ her way over the years. My fear is that BM will influence her to cash in w/that POA now while MIL is living. Of couse if anything starts going awry, DH promised to be on it.
SD was smart enough to find out where BIL is living, so they are having 2 servers to present him w/the papers to remove himself from the deed. One being sent to MIL's house, and one to the girlfriends house. I'm guessing if they can't reach him at either SD will find out where he works lol. She's craft, and smart but can be 'bad' smart becuae of BM of course.
One thing that DH was also upset about, SD was to inherit MIL's china and china curio/holder. Now she said she's also takign the dinng set and the bedroom set (all which is very high quality and expensive) too. Dh said 'we'll see about that. We'll talk later (as MIL was there so of course we aren't going to argue over that while she's alive and eating lunch lol). But I think it's in the will already.
I hate that DH is so in the dark. Hey, at least he gets the house. And that's compltely fair given the damage BIL did financially already. It's no loss relationship wise because BIL and DH rarely even speak as it is, been that way for years.
Yes,
Yes, there are two POAs. We have medical POAs also, listing each other as POA. And my daughter, a nurse is our secondary POA. Your SD can say what she wants but you can have MIL list specific furniture in the will, if your DH wants somethng specific.
In DH's will, we have so much in there, it's insane but that's what dealing with crazy people does. Some things I can think of: all titled vehicles are mine, any improvements done to my home we live in are mine, all furniture, art, personal belongings, etc are mine. While thre are many things I will give to his kids (should he die before me), that is MY job to do. Not my kids or his kids. And vice versa.
Wills can be as detailed as you need them to be. In the High Conflict Step World, leave no stone unturned.
One More Thing
Funeral plans. I know that's a subject no one wants to speak about but death comes to all. DH and I have pre-paid funeral plans and all details have been filed with our attorney along with executor of our estate (should we die together). I actually did mine with my first husband. When DH and I married, I had him get his stuff in order.
Trust me...in StepHell, you really need your Last Wishes documented just as well as your wills, POAs and Living Wills.
I'm in Colorado, and my sister and I both carry POA's for my Mom
I'm in Colorado, and my sister and I both carry POA's for my Mom, who had a stroke several years ago. We are equal, there is no first and second. We both equally share in her will, and that had no bearing on the POA.
We have one for medical and one for financial. I am amazed at the latitude the financial one grants - I can pretty much do anything in her name. We didn't have to sign them, only my Mom and a notary did.
I don't think your BIL can just take his name off of the deed - he will at least have to do a "quit-claim" deed.
Good luck with it all - it sounds like a huge mess!
I Agree
Even though we are all in different states, I've never heard of just signing to get your name off of a deed. I thought it took a bit more "legal" work to get that done. Sure hope OP gets her DH and MIL back to the attorney's office for some clarification and corrections.
I think your DH needs to talk
I think your DH needs to talk to his own separate lawyer. There are a lot of moving parts in this issue and a lot of them might state specific. You are totally right to question it.
I'm sure BM coached your SD. BMS are like bloodhounds when it comes to free money.