I Ask You. . .Which is Worse?
A man who has several different BMs and has one child from each (horrible as far as CS is concerned and keeping track of the multiple BM personalities)
OR
A man who repeatedly breeds with the same incompentent, half witted, BM, going over the two kid threshold with her and expecting things to rectify themselves each time a new one pops out?? Full well knowing that it won't work out and the relationship is doomed? Isn't the definition of insanity to do the same thing over and over and expect the outcome to be different?
In other news, my traumatization continues as I still get "flashbacks" from before the skids were PASed out (over two years ago now)
I was making a PB&J for GG (biodad I live with) to take to work for lunch. As I was spreading the peanut butter I got a flashback to when the skids rejected my PB&Js that I had made for them BECAUSE I had put TOO MUCH PEANUT BUTTER on their bread. Apparently they liked only J sandwiches with less than a molecule of peanut butter. I should have known better because to this day they are devoid of all nutrition!!
I'll never forget GG coming back to me and saying "you put too much peanut butter on my kids sandwiches and that's why they are not eating it. . .next time put just a touch on for them and make sure you cut off the crusts!"
Instead of properly saying to his children: "Eat what's put in front of you!"
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wow... ANOTHER option would
wow...
ANOTHER option would have been me telling him he could make the damn sandwiches himself...
Yep, that was before I
Yep, that was before I discovered this site and read the book "Stepmonster." I knew nothing about disengaging back then (five years ago). I eventually did disengage, the skids behaviour got worse and GG started to see that his children weren't the little "angels" that he thought they were.
^^^^^^^this^^^^^^^^^^!!! And
^^^^^^^this^^^^^^^^^^!!! And yes I have said this, never had anyone complain again!
And I will take door #2.
I already deal with crazo, I can't imagine having more than on BM to deal with!
I would be in category B:
I would be in category B: Married to a moron DH that kept breeding with the same damn woman knowing full well he only married her because he knocked her up. Every day I ask myself why he couldn't have just agreed to pay her CS for the one kid and go their separate ways rather than "doing the right thing" and marrying a woman he didn't even really like. It's awful and stupid but at least we only have one BM to deal with. If he had multiple ones, I think it would have been a deal breaker.
Another entitlement issue by
Another entitlement issue by skids and crazy DHs & BMs...Let's see...my DH cuts up the sandwich in 4 little squares for our son...my son loves it. I on the other hand make it however I want, ie. usually here is the sandwich. My son complains and I say to him "eat it or make it yourself" (he's 10...at 7-8-9, I told him eat it...that's all there is). My DH? No complaints. If I ever made anything to eat for his kid and he told me HOW to make it, I would flip. I would tell him to make it himself. Sigh...wth is wrong with these men and these darn kids who think everything for them should be handed on a silver platter?
Hmmmm, which is worse.... I
Hmmmm, which is worse.... I think multiple BMs !!!! Can't imagine having 3 or 4 of them !!! :jawdrop:
My sd21 was a mistake, after dating for 3 months and even to this day DH says he wishes he had never married the BM as the relationship would have probably only lasted six months or so without the pregnancy !!
Felt pressured to do the right thing, and marry her ( they were very young ) then have younger skid, who WAS planned !!! Needless to say this all happened within 5 years and then he was outta there !!! Classy BM had an affair with Dh's best friend !!! Was the last nail in their coffin of a marriage !!!!
Sd21 looks exactly like BM ( was okay looking but now very faded..) but thankfully has some of DH's brains to compensate for that !!
If there had been more than two skids and BMs in the picture I would NEVER have even dated DH !!
I am stunned at the fact that
I am stunned at the fact that GG bred with the Behemoth after knowing that she lets simple things like the LAUNDRY sit for days in the washer and mildew. . .then instead of rewashing the laundry, she threw it into the dryer to bake in that soured smell!!!!
I told him that I would have divorced her for that alone and would have stopped breeding after the first one!!!
At least I can confidently say that I was smart enough to STOP breeding with my two ex hubbys AFTER the first child came along!
GG actually PLANNED all his kids with the Behemoth!! Whisky Tango Foxtrot??!!!
OMG I can SO relate. I am
OMG I can SO relate. I am appalled by how dirty my SD's are (never bathed when they come over, will wear the same clothes for days if we let them, let their dirty laundry fester in their bedroom in a pile). I often ask DH "How can little girls be SO dirty!" He always tells me because their mother is the same way. DH is a fairly clean person. I don't see how he could have been married to such a dirty woman for any length of time. Disgusting.
The further irony is that the
The further irony is that the Behemoth is a CHILD PROTECTIVE WORKER by trade!!
Gotta love these hypocritical
Gotta love these hypocritical BM's! BM is an elementary school teacher and SD5 doesn't know her ABC's and can't count to 10. Literally.
I hear ya. All three skids
I hear ya. All three skids are totally failing K-10.
My SD's BM is an English
My SD's BM is an English teacher and SD can't spell or read aloud.
Yes well our BM aka "crazo"
Yes well our BM aka "crazo" in a nurse that works with trouble children.
They cannot see their own "insanity". They are too busy pointing out everyone elses flaws.
I'd choose C. No skids & No
I'd choose C. No skids & No BMs!
My FDH has three kids with crazy BM1. Yep, WTF.
He has one kid with BM2. At least he had the good sense to not marry her after an accidental pregnancy that she told him about after they broke up. However, she is great and has not caused any issues whatsoever. I think she has the attitude that having the child was her choice and she is grateful for everything that FDH provides.
So, unfortunately, I'm living both A and B options.
I'm in category A. My DH has
I'm in category A. My DH has SD14 with BM#1, and SD6 with BM#2. There is also a possible unknown child but that has never been confirmed. It would be between the ages of 12 and 13 if it is in fact his. DH doesn't even know this potential BM's name.
His bar-ho-booty-call that he was messing with before me had an abortion that he paid for, and I had a miscarriage the 2nd year we were together. So basically he has attempted to breed with just about everyone he has ever been with. lol
CS is a pain in the butt, and having two different (VERY different) BM's and coordinating everyone's schedule to ensure that SKIDS get to see each other and be involved in each others events can be tricky...
I'd have to say I'd prefer
I'd have to say I'd prefer the man that stuck with one bm and had multiple kids, even if they knew she was an idiot it could be they were so beaten down and felt they could never do better so they just settled into a family life and tried to make the best of it. At least it shows some stability/comittment.
I have to admit my bias is a guy that impregnates multiple women...or women w/3 plus babydaddys'....it's just gross and trashy to me and I could never date someone like that.
DH married BM 1 because she
DH married BM 1 because she was pregnant with elder boy. BM 2 got pregnant and he WOULD NOT marry her. She had twins, boy and girl.
We have custody of all three kids, BM 1 is a reasonable person, her and I get along pretty well, her entire family are welcome at our house. SS 1 is a great guy, we've had our 'moments' but overall no complaints.
BM 2 is a completely different story! The alienation is incredable, those kids have suffered so much at her hands you cannot even believe it. SD was abandoned by her mother twice! Her brother one time.
I cannot even imagine the ill feelings, along with the unconditional love for their mother, that those kids are struggling with. It's child abuse! We, DH and I, pick up the pieces for the kids every time.
I did have to disengage for a while though, no one believed me how badly behaved they were! DH pretty soon got tired of it too, he did some tough love.
Now our girl is in a secure juvenile detention center and is getting the therapy she needed all along, it's possible that the timing is right for her now too. They have her on medication, which I do not always agree with because it's not teaching her coping skills when medicines are unavailable to her, or she's on her own and does not take them. This kid is something else, incidentally, she is so quick thinking and clever it's amazing. She was barely 16 when she got her GED, barely 17 when she took SAT and got into university. She's way ahead of her years, so I imagine the frustration of being held back as a child when she was ready to move forward... Hmmmm...now she is 18 she might be better recieved by society in general and her juvenile record (which is several inches thick incidentally) will be sealed up and she can have a clean slate.
A lot of the therapy she is getting currently is on introspection, I saw some of that before she left for jail. Her and I talk a lot and I see the scared little girl inside of her. I see the conflicts. Hopefully this therapy will give her a perspective on her mother that she can reconcile her mind to. I do not speak negatively about their mother to them, our girl asked me one day what I thought of her mother and I said 'I respect the fact that she is your mother, angel, but she's not someone I would choose as a friend.' Whether or not that was the right thing to say I do not know but it's how I feel.
I am getting off topic here...I think that both situations are hellish...LOL much better if the SKids were bios with DH...we do grieve for that since we are not able to have any of our own but we do accept the situation. We are blessed, yes...BLESSED, with our kids and BM 2 is out of the picture now that the kids came of age. Hell on wheels for a few years there but we MADE IT!!
"I'll never forget GG coming
"I'll never forget GG coming back to me and saying "you put too much peanut butter on my kids sandwiches and that's why they are not eating it. . .next time put just a touch on for them and make sure you cut off the crusts!"
I don't get this. Why would neither the kids nor Dh say something like
" Would you mind putting a little less PB on the sandwiches? Thanks"
And if someone said it like that, the answer would be " Ok, no problem".
Problem solved. At least it would have been for me. Even my entitled, sometimes very rude SD would say something like" Hey, could you leave out the.....in my......, thanks".
And if it's asked like that, there is no problem with the request. I would then not go on to put "whatever" in her "whatever", and make her eat it or go hungry. If it's asked nicely, one gets a nice response.
As far as the other issue, I don't know....I guess multiple BMs would be worse for me, because with one at least it shows he tried?....
In my day it was "eat it or
In my day it was "eat it or go hungry" Period. I expected no less from my now grown and fully functional bios.
Sure, sometimes. But I love
Sure, sometimes. But I love to cook. I love to cook and feed people and a politely suggested adjustment is no sweat off my back. If it was rude, or dinner is already made, then it is what it is and I won't make something different. If it's a suggestion for next time, no problem. Same when SD cooked and put cheese on the eggs and I asked her not to put in on mine next time. She said no problem.
Cooking a real meal and having dinner together every night is something I was raised with and brought to this family. It's something that brings us together and it's a feast we all appreciate. No eating by the tv ( we don't even have one) no eating in our rooms. I think it helped us enormously, to be brought together every might for something enjoyable. SD asked me to write down my recipes for her as a graduation present.
As far as the food in our house I have been appreciated and thanked on a daily basis and that goes a long way.
"As far as the food in our
"As far as the food in our house I have been appreciated and thanked on a daily basis and that goes a long way"
You are one of the extremely rare lucky SMs. Most of us have ZERO backing from the skids, BM or even biodad.
"As far as the food" though
"As far as the food" though
There are plenty of other areas where that has not been the case. I wish it was like that all around....
Ohhh...wait...hold up...and
Ohhh...wait...hold up...and all that stuff...WE as STEP mothers have to forgive AND FORGET this stuff! At least that's what DH seemed to think at first. I pointed out to him that he has still got scars from his previous relationships and I went on to point out that buying a week's worth of food in a box of groceries for SD and BM went way above the call of duty...said box of groceries was to make a point. DH had the kids a whole summer, while paying child support, and asked for some groceries to feed them with. BM sent bread, a box of cerial and some milk, to last the entire summer?? I understood the point, however, BM is so shallow that she really did not 'get it'. The Karma bus would hit her and she'd still feel indignant! NO introspection, or concience, whatsoever. Get thee hence, BM, and NEVER darken my door again!
On the plus side, a lot of good experiences outweigh the bad ones and the bad stuff does fade into history after a while.
For me, DH having multiple
For me, DH having multiple children by multiple women would be worse. Although, he probably would not be my DH if that was his history.