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Skids this weekend :/

AustinTX1119's picture

Submitted by AustinTX1119 on Thu, 12/12/2013 - 12:14pm

Ok, so the skids are coming this weekend. I usually get real bad anxiety come Friday afternoon when I get off work and have to go home! I have told my Fiance that I would rather not be there when he has his kids because of all the issues that arise when they are there. I told him I would go to my parents and then on sunday return once they go home @ 6:30. I have come to realize that marriage is not an option right now and probably wont be b/c of our different views so until our lease is up and we go our separate ways I would just rather stay away from that situation. He thinks I am being childish and taking it too far b/c they are "just kids" & I shouldn't act that way towards them ... anyone experience this or have similar feelings?

Comments

whatwasithinkin's picture

Submitted by whatwasithinkin on Thu, 12/12/2013 - 12:19pm

I have in the past but the one thing I will not nor would I ever do is leave my home. No little snot nose kid would run me out of my home.

You pretty much sound like this relationship is over. The question is have you conveyed that to your SO. You state that you have thought that until the lease is up you would just not be there when they are. That sends mixed signals. Perhaps if you actually sat down and conveyed that for your the relationship is over at this point and your just going to be scarce when he has visitation you may not get the "your being childish" response.

If you planned to live there and continue as married I would be able to see his point but if your not and the marriage is over then I dont understand where he is coming from.

So does your SO know your done?

AustinTX1119's picture

Submitted by AustinTX1119 on Thu, 12/12/2013 - 12:29pm

I guess I haven't told him point blank we are DONE, but I haven't been staying at home for the past 3 nights and I have told him I don't think this is going to work anymore and that we need to figure out the what to do with the stuff we have together.

farting_glitter's picture

Submitted by farting_glitter on Thu, 12/12/2013 - 12:21pm

so hopefully alot of us got through to you with your last post...you are leaving?....of course he is going to say you are being childish because once again he is taking up for his kids and making you feel like you are wrong...it's called "Gaslighting", something i know all too well....

not2sureimsaneanymore's picture

Submitted by not2sureimsanea... on Thu, 12/12/2013 - 12:32pm

It's called gaslighting. Look it up. It's using phrases like "You're overreacting", "You're being immature/childish/unreasonable/crazy" to make you think you really are so theyc an "win" the argument.

You would only have a true relationship if he said "Is there anything I can do to make it better?", "I'm sorry you feel like you have to leave, how can we make it so you don't?" and work and talk through it.

Unfreakingreal's picture

Submitted by Unfreakingreal on Thu, 12/12/2013 - 12:36pm

I did this for a good year or two before DH finally caught on.
His kids would walk in the door and I would walk out. Go shopping, go to the movies, visit friends. I'd leave him home alone with them. He hated it. When he finally said "You think I haven't noticed that you're never here when my kids are here?" My reply would be "What are you talking about? " and play dumb.
It was the best thing I ever did, saved my sanity for a while.