New Baby and reaction is really bad!
Hello All,
It has been a while since I have been on here or blogged anything. I am not a step-parent anymore as I adopted my son last year. I am here to vent mostly and just get somethings off my chest hoping to find people maybe that can relate. So my husband and I are expecting I am almost 11 weeks. We have told our son 11 and he was the first to know. We have told family and some friends as well.
My sons reaction to all this was that he did not care but his behavior and actions have spoken way different volumes. He has literally been lying about everything breaking every single rule we have in our home bad attitude and just downright mean at times. Most of it is directed towards me but also his dad. Things he has done below:
- Lied about school work and homework (normal I know)
- talking back about everything (normal I know)
- Tried to get away with wearing shorts under his pant to school every day. Rule is until it is 60 outside pants.
- Lied about reading and doing work when home alone for an hour after school instead of watching TV. He did this before and we locked everything out he asked for it back and I said you have been good so sure. He was warned I will be able to know if you are watching right after school instead of doing your work. He still just watched tv knowing he would get in trouble.
- He has a cell phone to call me when he gets home. Apparently he has been sneaking it to school, he cracked the screen, sneaking it in his room and texting and talking to his friends. He has been making videos dropping the f bomb and saying Hoe and Ass and.
- He has been sneaking candy when he gets home. He purposely ate the kind of candy his daddy and I both like and stayed away from his favorite.
- Grades are slipping again and not caring or putting an effort in.
Trust me we have tried everything under the sun to deal with this. We start counseling this coming week. We have tried talking to him, tried giving him a free pass, to be honest about everything with no consequence. All just to understand what was going on. We took everything away punished him to his room for the whole weekend with nothing but a book. Turns out he had his phone. I will be honest I did not think to check or look because I did not think he would be using his phone. He also knew I would be able to find out if he was on it and could check everything on it. Yet he still did it.
I will say we have not really made a big deal about the baby. We do not talk about it much at home. There have been changes I am tired and things have not been easy the last two months for me and I have no energy and I was sick alot. I have still spent time with my son, taken him to baseball tryouts, buy new clothes that he could pick out himself. My husband has played ball with him. Lately not as much has he has been kinda grounded. We took a trip to texas all of us and spent time together and he got to hang with my older boys cousins who are 18 and 19. He thought that was so cool. None of that has mattered. Also if I should not on top of all this his aunt who was like super close with him moved away as well. But he is mad at me mostly and his dad. He really does not want this baby.
Sorry for the long rant there is so much more. I have not really gotten a lot of this off my chest.
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Comments
Poor little man, a big bad
Poor little man, a big bad baby is on the way. eyeroll Acknowledge his dissappointment, firm boundaries and work on acceptance of this new addition. Resilence and acceptance should be the goals. Life is full of challenges, how you teach him to handle this one will be a good life skill going forward.
It may be a coincidence as
It may be a coincidence as well.. he is intering the "terrible tweens" so some of what he is doing is doing "what he feels like because he is old enough to not follow stupid rules" hormones and then life changes on top of it..
What he is doing is all normal teen stuff.. trying to work the system and push boundaries.. pretty typical behavior for a boy his age all the way around.. even being surly and ill tempered is not unusual with the age and changes he may be experiencing internally..even if it isn't apparent on the outside.
I agree some of it is
I agree some of it is entering that teen stage and hormones are raging. The worst of it and really ignoring any rules all started after we told him that we were having a baby. We also prepared him for this. We never kept it a secret that we were going to try to have another child. We did not carry on about it but we talked about it and he asked once or twice about it. He is really angry with us. He finally admitted to me today that he is not happy about the baby, he does not want there to be a baby and he does not like it.
I do recall from your old
I do recall from your old posts that he has led a life where he quite frankly has been treated as the "poor little prince" by everyone.. your inlaws.. his aunt etc.. You, yourself said he had those kinds of issues when you first were on the scene.. and in fact, I think he even resented your presence at times.
I think he needs a combination of reassurance that this doesn't mean he is being replaced.... and a "suck it up buttercup".. you are not the center of the universe.. never have been.. never will be.
In short he needs to be told.. "this new baby isn't going to change how we feel about you.. but you better straighten up and fly right mister or there will be consequences"
Yes he was the little prince
Yes he was the little prince still is even with them far away. Auntie sent him a 200 dollar gift card for the baseball tryouts and to be used for baseball gear. We appreciate it but you give to us the parents not straight to him. Luckily it was a gift card. Again it helps but it also still puts him in a pedal stool.
I am not sure if ever resented my presence. I never got that from him he was always really happy to have me around. He did resent situations. Now I do think he is resenting me and for sure this future baby. Even his dad some now too.
We have said this to him and told him that we love him no matter what, that having another child will not change how we feel about him. We have had said suck it up and this behavior will not be tolerated. There has been consequesnces. Plenty he has nothing left at this point. We started off small at first and he just really has this attitude of screw you guys, you dont want me, and you do not love me. So I am going to do what I want not matter what you say. I am hoping that counseling helps.
Thank you for the ear and support.
My sons were not thrilled
My sons were not thrilled about having 2 younger sisters, but now they are quite fond of them. It will be some time before they really enjoy them because they can’t hold a conversation.
The half siblings on their fathers side are jealous of them and this has never really gone away. They just saw the inconvenience of it ( to them ) as a ticket for lots of free stuff from everybody (including new cars).
Your child is at a good age to respond to boundaries etc,
Also. Some siblings just don’t get on all the time, sometimes they don’t get on any of the time. This can happen in any family.
My mother was one of nine children, so I think in her family they gave up on the jealousy thing donkeys years ago.
I think it can be scary for someone who has been an only child for a long time, so it a bit of a shock when it changes.
Remain positive and enjoy your pregnancy. I am sure there will be lots of fun times ahead of you!