I remember your post- I didn't comment because I was unsure as to what to say, but it seems you did do the right thing in the end and I hope the peace you are now feeling stays with you. You cannot change the past but you can face the future knowing you did the right thing.
As for your 'friend'- I let a couple of friends go after my birthday in the summer when they let me down. I have no room in my life for people who say one thing but do another- I haven't even sent them a Christmas card. Sometimes you just have to move on.
For the first time in my life I cannot wait for January. Normally I hate it, but this year has been so difficult and so demanding that I cannot wait for that sense of starting over once Christmas is done.
I wish you all the best.

Hey hon, it's not easy losing a parent. I imagine it can be super tough if the relationship was riddled w/bad things. Hard to reconcile it all.

I'll tell you this much, our lives and families lives are forever changed since the patriarchs left us. My FIL passed 3.5yrs ago of a massive heart attack-in his' late 60's too! My dad struggled w/cancer and we lost him 1.5years ago. All I can say is we haven't recovered yet.

I have NO decorations up this year (or last) - no festivities at my place. Just lost much of holiday spirit since. I was very close to my dad.

As to your friend, I get it. I had to cut a friend of years out of my life for good many months ago-she was incredibly toxic. I just make the cut and have been MUCH better because of it. I don't miss her or her drama, and my life and relationship has improved.

I feel like maybe you need to see a therapist about all of this. Or talk to a good friend. A lot of what you post lately is spread out across a lot of issues: in laws, friends, family issues. You're going through a lot of change in your life right now and a lot of it is on the scale for life upheaval events. Maybe strangers on a parenting website aren't the best or most stable support system to help you with all of this. You deserve someone who is removed from the situations and available to you in an meaningful way.

Ash, yes, just stay aware for when/if you feel you need it. A lot of us have had much more hard core stuff and lived w/it w/out therapy. I'd consider these things sucky but life.

Seriously things are finally calming down for us but in the span of 2 years:

*A week shy of my 40th I find out I'm pregnant (we have teens mind you)
*Day after my Bday my dad gathers us to tell us he has esopheagal cancer
*We lost my FIL suddenly to a heart attack
*Lost the baby the week we lost my FIL- had to attend funeral w/my dead child inside me and fake smile at bm's ass
*The same week (day of viewing) my dads test results came back, it was stage IV and he only had months to live
*Decided to not do a D&C because we had the funeral that week and the burial out of town-and waited to naturally miscarry. DF had to travel out of state for the burial while I waited to see if it happened-Almost 10 days later finally did misopotrol forced and went thru hell between pain/recovery/emotional mess
*BM developed a meth problem
*DF and family hired an attorney-I researched/collected dirt/data for attorney for him
*BM lost custody to DH-we went from EOW to full time w/a rotten sd from hell
*SD from hell fell out w/us and went to live with MIL
*BIL's marriage crumbled when he found his wife w/another man- he moved in with MIL and lost the home property they were planning to build on
*DF lost his job and developed a bad substance problem
*My dad lost his battle 1.5yrs after diagnosis
*A couple months after I lose my beloved dog of 10 years to a mysterious death- either brain tumor or heart failure

I've had multiple health failings including pre-cancerous polyps, GI issues, menstrual issues, depression, anxiety, loss of libido and quite a few bouts with suicidal thoughts/tendencies through it all-the pain was too much to take. Shoot I know I'm forgetting stuff...slowly things are in recovery (DH included), we are much better now, we have a wonderful new pup whom we adore....but we have severe scars from life piling on us in a short period of time. Something in me changed permanently. I've somewhat lost my faith/beliefs- from full believer in prayer Christian to more Deist now- I have this huge calling and pulling to disengage from all of life and connect to the earth. I've lost all motivation to include myself/celebrate holidays of any kind-especially Christmas-including the disgust for the material aspect of it all. I've turned introvert, I hate the rat race, the city, the noise-traffic, I want a simple life w/a small farm and eat from my own 2 hands and share w/my friends and family. I want chickens, goats and bees... and a garden and orchard. I fill very unfulfilled and w/void but in 'searching' mode for my next life chapter if that makes sense.

Life will often 'pile' on some, I don't know why. My brother and wife have a seemingly wonderful life from the outside, wonderful beautiful smart kids, and now my nephew has developed SVT a heart condition for which he had to have a procedure done already in his PRIME teen/healthy years. I don't know why things are unfair it seems at times. It's life. We do the best we can.