I sometimes wish that SD didn't exist....
If you have read any of my previous posts, SD16 is a pain in my tookis. I have tried and tried from the beginning to bring us (my two children, myself, DH and SD16) together as a family. To this day, I don't feel as if I have gotten anywhere. My family accepted SD16 as a niece, cousin and granddaughter. She has been to my family functions (complained the whole time) but was also welcomed there. Whenever my family is visiting, SD16 will hide in her room and hardly even say hello or make eye contact if she leaves her room. My family has included her in gifts for holidays, her birthday, and just whenever. My family aren't big spenders because we were brought up that spending time with family is more important than a gift. Unfortunately, she feels as if my family hates her, which she has shared with me on a number of occasions. I have no clue why she feels that way. BM's family and BM's husband's family are another story. They purchase expensive and lavish gifts that I would have to work a month to pay for and large quantities of gifts at that. I think that SD16 feels as if this is the standard and anything less is not acceptable. SNOB.
Well, within the last year or two, my family has been retracting a little from SD16 because they feel as if they are seen as "family friends" and not family to her. They have a hard time sharing as much when what they get in return is a cold, smug and overall short attitude. I agree. Because my family feels this way, they have not stopped getting SD16 gifts or sending her a card on her birthday but they have not been giving as much.
Recently, my mother has suggested taking the grandkids (not including SD16) to a local amusement park before summer is over. I'm all for it, as are my bkids. However, I don't want to feel as if I should extend the opportunity to SD16. I don't want SD16 to be there in any way, shape or form. Am I completely wrong about feeling this way? I know that if we go without her, she would have a fit. But at the same time, why should I include her in my family events and fun time if she thinks that they all hate her?
I have a hard time with situations like this, because I don't want to be mean. But I also don't feel as if I should have to extend the invite just because she is SD16.
- areyoukiddingme's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
My small family has nothing
My small family has nothing whatsoever to do with FDH kids. They have enough of their own problems and as long as they acknowledge my BS birthday I really don't care. Skids have a home and a big family with BM and are not wanting for ANYthing! Sounds like your SD has plenty of family on BMs side to take care of her so I wouldn't worry about it or feel guilty about it. I think it would be different if SD did not have a family other than yours though.
Not wrong. Do what your
Not wrong. Do what your mother wants. My SD15 is not included in anything with my family. We are all going on a cruise over Christmas and since she is not a real part of our lives, my mother did not include her at all. I am sure she will be angry as we get closer, but I don't really care. She was rude and never took an interest in any of my family, so why would I encourage anyone to pay for such extravagances for her. I have told them the gifts are to stop, she gets nothing.
My sk's are like this. My
My sk's are like this. My mom can look them right in the eye and say "Hello, how are you?" and they'll walk away without a word. They HATE going to any of my family functions because they're "lame". My family has done the same as yours -- accepted them without question, gifts for birthday, holidays, etc. But recently my family has gone "click" where all that is concerned because of the way they act.
It's a tough call. I've told my DH they don't need to come to my family functions ever again if they're going to be rude. But flip side to that is don't hold your breath on gifts either. My SK's are old enough to know how they are acting, and how it affects others (same age as yours pretty much) but spoiled enough to think they can continue to act that way without repercussions. I've left it to my DH to handle, he now knows how I feel about it. But I also told him if they do go, I even THINK they're being rude to someone, I WILL CALL IT OUT IN A HEARTBEAT, AND I DON'T CARE WHO'S AROUND. My family knows this, so the only ones who will be uncomfortable with the situation are the SK's (and possibly my DH).
P.S. - same with the gifts - my mom has gobs of grandkids, so at christmas only has so much to spend, and is always very careful about equality in gifts. My SK's grandparents only have the two of them to buy for, so go all out. So that right there is another reason my SK's don't like my family.
Is your SD around the same age as other grandkids who would be going? If not, she'd be bored bored bored anyways.
I wouldn't have her come, her
I wouldn't have her come, her behavior has not earned her a reward. They are your family, she has her own family, this is the thing that irks me with the DH's on here they expect our family's to treat there kids as there own but not the kids to treat our family's with respect. Your SD has her moms family and your DH's your kids only have yours and there fathers why does SD get an extra family to spoil her if not two if you include her stepdads? She does stuff with her mothers family that your kids won't get to do so it all equals out in the end.
"Most likely, she'd complain
"Most likely, she'd complain if she went and complain if she didn't go"
Precisely - so best if she doesn;t go, and then you don't need to hear her complaining!
My family now take a weird sort of pleasure stirring up SS16, because of his snarky attitude. My sister particularly, who cannot STAND the way I have been treated by him, will come over and talk loudly about "cool" activities we have planned that he would think he should be involved in.
He often acts uninterested, but I have heard him on a few occasions asking DH why he isn;t being included in overseas and holiday plans.
DH is also aware of this kid's faults (believe me, if DH could give him back to BM he WOULD), and often plays really mellow. "Oh but you wouldn't want to do something with your SM".
Right now, I am just holding on. I am HOPING that come the end of the school year (November 18th), he'll just go back to BM, having "used us" for his private school education.
It all sounds very familar to
It all sounds very familar to me too! What do? Idk. I would not include her if I could get away with it with BD. Does she live with you?
SD16 is with is every other
SD16 is with is every other week. Week on, week off. But since she has gotten her car, she seems to come and go as she pleases. That's another one of my issues that I have given to DH since my disengagement process has began.
After years of trying to
After years of trying to include skids in family outings, parties, holiday dinners and Christmas gift exchanges, I gave up. They were never happy. I was embarrassed and my family miserable. Why ruin everyone's good time?
Just recently we had a family sleepover at my aunt's where all the cousins bring their kids. We have tons of food, play cards and board games, watch movies and stay up all night talking except for the little kids who get to sleep on the basement floor in sleeping bags. All the kids from college age to 1 year old have fun with no fussing, fighting to complaining.
DH asked if skids were invited. I said no, all they do is complain about being bored whenever we visit my family. I suggested that he do something with them that night if they even came for weekend, as they are apt to cancel at the last minute which is why I never plan around their visits anymore. He took them to dinner. I am sure they enjoyed having their dad to themselves and I definitely had a better time not worrying about them offending my family.
I was at my parents this past
I was at my parents this past weekend and I had SD15stb16 and SS14 with me. The first night that we were there my mom gave me her pillow to sleep on. I did not ask for it since I had my own pillow that I always travel with. I ended up falling asleep in my younger brothers room.
My mom saw that I was not in the living room sleeping and she questioned me as to where I ended up sleeping and who used her pillow. (She left the pillow on the air mattress that my
SS and brother slept on) That she couldn't sleep well during the night because she didn't have her pillow. Uhm, I never asked for your pillow Mom! I think she had an issue of my SS being the one that possibly used it.....
My mom was wearing a cute pair of flip flops. I asked her where she got them from. She asked me if I wanted a pair and I told her only if I could get a pair that same weekend. She brought out an extra pair that she had. I told her that I would buy them off of her. I tried them on but they fit too big. My SD needed/needs another pair of flip flops. So I had my SD try them on in front of my mom and they fit her better than they did me. I told my mom that I was going to take them for my SD. This conversation was in spanish. As soon as I said that I was going to give them to my SD my mom told me that if I was going to give them to my SD that she was not going to give them away because they were a gift. MOM! Why then were you offering to give them to me in the first place!?!