"He needs to LET GO, and part of that is letting her fail and make mistakes and fix them for herself!!" EXACTLY. He doesn't see it as a big deal and it's one of those "this is for the kids" excuses. Keeping copies here is for the kids. But furnishing her with them because she can't be held responsible for being an adult parent is ludicrous.

I think this is a good plan. But he'd have to request the birth certificate copies, not me. I am going to let it lie for a bit until next time she asks for something. Then I will tell him she needs to be a real grown up and stop relying on him for things she can do herself.

The funny thing is that she does have a copy of the insurance card but conveniently forgets it at home when she's at the doctor with one of the kids and then suddenly it's his emergency. You know what lady, when I was a single mom, if I forgot something, that was MY fault.

Well, I am trying to knock these things out one by one! But you are right. She always finds a reason to contact him.

I think she did such a number on him with her constant talk of what a crappy dad he is. He's a great guy and loves his kids and is very good to them. But he internalized her BS that SHE gets to determine what a good dad is. So, on some level, I think this is the way for him to prove he's still involved with the kids' needs. It makes no sense but I think that's what's going on here.

And the funny part is that she's always acting like she's the responsible one and he's chaotic and that he is irresponsible. Yet she can't be trusted not to lose her own kids' birth certificates.

Yes, the cord really needs to be cut by both. It's a ton better than it used to be but these things are constant reminders that they really are enmeshed in an unhealthy way.

I am waiting for the day that she makes such a request when he's on one of his many business trips. I am certain he'll ask me to scan and send to him. And I will not do it. Why should I have to be bothered because she's lazy? Maybe that will teach them both a lesson.

He trusted her as a mother. She was a SAHM mom until their divorce and always the primary caretaker. She is smart and capable and by all accounts seems like a loving mother. (That perception is changing some now that he's realizing she won't even check their grades online, do anything about SD12's issues, goes to bed and leaves SD up on her computer, etc...). But she is very messy and disorganized and loses stuff a lot. Ex: She and SS18 lost a $1,000 savings bond his grandparents gave him for HS graduation that was supposed to be used to purchase a computer and other college supplies. They seriously lost it within a couple of days of receiving it. How do you lose $1,000??

I don't know if it is control. He's not someone I would describe as a controlling person. He's really laid back which is why this is especially weird. I think it may have to do with the fact that these two were so incredibly enmeshed and until recently he didn't even think it was a problem for him to spend every Tuesday night at her house visiting the kids. They walked into each other's houses. I could go on.... So to him, this isn't a big deal. And I think it's about needing to feel like a "good dad" and to be NEEDED as a parent. It makes him seem like the responsible one when she's always playing the martyr and acting like she does EVERYTHING for the kids and he doesn't do squat.