Before the BS and the PAS...
I was reading a comment thread on another post, and i got really sad. Jealous, too. Someone had posted a comment about how their skids said I love you first, and how they had a really good relationship. It got me thinking. My skids said I love you first, too. That was 4 years ago. When they were littler and sweeter, and before they were being programmed to hate me. I teared up as I remembered the very first "incident" we had with BM losing her mind. It was 4th of July 2008. I was with my DH (then BF) at his house and we were yeti g ready to take the kids to the fireworks show. BM called DH and said she was coming back to get the kids bc he called her out on something stupid. I was going to leave while she was there bc at the time I was not interested in adding fuel to that fire. As I was getting ready to leave, SS7, then 3, ran in front of the door and stick his arms across the frame and said "don't go ASII don't go!" he wasn't crying or anything t was just a very cute thing. I look at them now and they couldn't care less if I'm here or not. Stupid fucking BM and her stupid fucking PAS. Now I'm sad, and angry that this is what my sweet little step kids have become...they're torn and you can tell. Enough of your mother telling you how terrible someone is (in his case, me), that you should lie about how bad they are, that you're not allowed to talk about them, that if you like them, then you can go live with them forever (she actually tells her children this if they "defend" something I've said or done). I hate BM more today than yesterday. What a fucking bitch.
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Exactly everyones point on
Exactly everyones point on youngstemommatobes post the other day.
I won't say my SD and I ever had a great relationship. The PAS train started down the track the day my dh left that crazy bitch so people wonder why I wasn't close to a (then) 2 year old. Um, because from the minute I came into her life I was hearing "Mommy said I don't have to listen to you". Um, fine, run into the street and I'll explain to your MOMMY that her telling her kid not to listen to me was brilliant.
It really is sad what "mothers" (i use the term loosely) will do to their kids. I can't imagine ever encouraging my child to be hateful to anyone.
Yeah. For me it isnt even
Yeah. For me it isnt even just her encouraging the kids I be hateful toward me. They really aren't hateful for the most part yet they do have their slip ups. It's her constant telling the kids "well I'm sure at your dads house..." or "isnt everything so much better here?!" they're 6 and 7...they love their mom. They want her to be awesome. Her telling them that oh, idk, the reason she and DH are not together is because he decided to marry me (we met 3 months after she moved out to live with the roommate they had that she got caught cheating on him with!!) only makes them uncomfortable. They want to have a "normal" relationship with me. I know this because I see their internal struggle for it. But at the same time, they want to please their mother. When we asked my SS why he lied to DCS about me hitting him, he told us it was because he wanted mom to love him more. It's fucking sick. Who puts these fears onto their 7 year old?!? They know court dates, they once said "our lawyer said we should live with mom". Knowing their GAL is not in favor of BM having any type of custody but maybe EOW, I asked who they were talking about. They said Mr so and so. It was BMs lawyer! She had been taking them to her lawyer telling them he was their lawyer. I then had to explain that no, but Ms so and so was their lawyer, and that's why they had had to meet with her. I then had to explain that MR so and so was paid to have that opinion, just like our lawyer is paid to have the opinion that WE want. But that MS do and so was (supposed to be) paid for by both BM and us and she is there just for them. BM however has a contempt charge coming up with this next court date for never paying the GAL her portion after numerous chances. Anyway, I shouldn't have to explain this to any child. They shouldn't be involved. They're children. Let them be children.
Are you sure you don't have
Are you sure you don't have the same BM as me? We get the same thing. BM told SD8 that it didn't matter if we took her nice places (she doesn't take her anywhere) because we don't spend any money on her and don't buy her toys every day like she does (of course she didn't mention that going nice places costs money or that she doesn't work and therefore all the toys she buys her is with Dh's cs and alimony money).
Haha no, ours doesn't take
Haha no, ours doesn't take them anywhere, OR buy them anything but instead tells them that we CAN buy them things because we don't give her any money!! (we don't pay cs bc we are the CPs...bitch is lucky this far and my DH was trying to play nice so she doesn't have to pay US, idc if it's 12$ a month!!) My step son actually said to me that DH should buy BM a new car bc he bought me one! I quickly let him know that WE bought BOTH of our vehicles and that BMs boyfriend should buy her a car if she is putting responsibility off on someone else. Certainly not DH.
I am both BM and SM. I can
I am both BM and SM. I can honestly say that I am not one of the psycho's that you all have to deal with. My exH is much like the BM's that I have read about. I don't understand why some "parents" can't let go of the anger toward the other parent and just do what's best for the kids. Children NEED BOTH PARENTS in their lives and NEED BOTH PARENTS to communicate and have a civil relationship. And if a parent remarries then the other should be supportive of the new step. I look at it like this: A step is a new person who can love my child and potentially give them even more opportunities than I can on my own.
For example- exH's newest girlfriend- I actually think she is pretty classy (feel a little sorry for her because she doesn't know the level of crazy she is dealing with, but hey, not my problem). Anyway, she knows like 4 languages! That's awesome, my kids come home from a weekend at dad's and have learned a few new phrases in Spanish or Latin! I don't know Spanish and Latin, its not something I can teach them. It's good for them.
Being in these blended families is not what I would have ever planned, but it is what it is. I am lucky that FSS's BM is out of the picture for the most part and I don't have to deal with her personally. I just get the wounded child she left behind that strikes out at me because he can't at her. He is angry at MOM and I am the only MOM around.
I think I need to check out
I think I need to check out this book, I've been seeing a lot about it on here especially as of late. We do do all of those things and that's why we, well I really, know as much as I do about what goes on. Especially my SS, he feels like IM the "safe place" between he and his parents. He trusts and knows that I will always tell him the truth. And we have a no tolerance policy on bad mouthing BM in our home, because I have always stood by that a. If we do that it will make us no better than she is, and b. it will do nothing but backfire on me/us and when they do get older I can hear them saying "you always wanted me to hate my moooooom!". So I try very hard to be PC in my answers to them, while always letting them know the truth regarding anything they make comments on or have questions about. So yeah. I've read someone's "quote" on here that I can totally relate to, something about taking the high road giving me a nose bleed. I can totally relate!! Sometimes I'm surprised I have a tongue left from all the biting of it I do!!
My MIL put it best once after
My MIL put it best once after seeing BM in all of her nutcase glory. "you have to love your children more than you hate your ex"