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Can't follow SS20s reasoning, frustration

amackeral's picture

DH has not heard from SS since Sunday night, court was Monday morning. BM told DH that she heard from SS on Tuesday morning, and SD22 has talked to SS a couple times this week. DH just found out why this morning why he hasn't heard from SS...

Apparently the letter DH wrote the judge, SS somehow interpreted that letter to be that DH was disowning him and wouldn't be helping him in any way. WTF SS, how did you get that from the letter?!?

Letter is in one of my previous blogs- http://www.steptalk.org/node/175825

I'm guessing because DH said "SS cannot move here" is what SS is so upset about but if DH was disowning SS and not willing to help him with anything why would DH and I go clean out SS's apartment so he wouldn't lose everything, why would DH try to contact the public defender, why would DH take SS's calls, why would DH go to court...because he didn't care???

Goddamn this kid is stubborn and takes things out of context! Did he read the part of the letter that said "I love my son and don't want him to struggle his entire life"? I just don't get it, but whatever. I'm guessing this is SS's way of trying to blame DH for his (SS's) failures.

DH is so pissed off, said if SS wants him (DH) to disown him, fine he will then. ugh, I see more drama in my future.

Comments

Willow2010's picture

I'm guessing because DH said "SS cannot move here" is what SS is so upset about but if DH was disowning SS and not willing to help him with anything why would DH and I go clean out SS's apartment so he wouldn't lose everything, why would DH try to contact the public defender, why would DH take SS's calls, why would DH go to court...because he didn't care???
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Manipulation at its finest!! SS was stung because DH did not kiss his ass and try to let him move in, so SS is withholding himself from DH to punish DH. Little turd.

He does not think DH wants to disown him...he is just being a jerk.

Annanymous's picture

My SD14 is manipulative like this. It's so frustrating that other people think she's just so pitiful and sweet and fall for all the manipulation.

hereiam's picture

Yes, taking something someone says to the extreme like that is definitely a form of manipulation. Let him pout and stomp his feet and claim no one loves him.

I hope your DH doesn't fall for this over time.

amackeral's picture

As of now, DH says "to hell with him then" but I KNOW this will change. He will be bending over backwards to prove to poor widdle SS that "Daddy still loves him and what can Daddy do to prove this?" bullshit!

amackeral's picture

Too late, now he's trying to figure out how he became the bad guy in all this and is on the road to bending over backwards. I found a site that hopefully he can go to, to get advice and hear from other addicts' families

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/friends-family-substance-abusers/

And sent him some links of great reads from their "Library for newcomers". Hopefully he reads them and doesn't let SS send him on a guilt trip!

Willow2010's picture

He will be bending over backwards to prove to poor widdle SS that "Daddy still loves him and what can Daddy do to prove this?"
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This is exactly why SS is doing what he is doing.

twoviewpoints's picture

It is perhaps the one sentence in the letter that has set SS off. " Unfortunately he has burned the bridge here at my house with choices he made previously when living here, so I cannot allow him to move back in here".

SS let the one sentence jump out and is clinging to it to justice the 'pity party' SS is now forging along with. It doesn't matter what the rest of the letter said or how much support Dad showed in everything else Dad has said/done. Dad isn't taking SS back in and SS has decided to view this fact as 'Dad is disowning me'. The little turd has no clue as to all the secret calls (made out of your earshot) ect Dad has been making to try and find someone to help the SS.

For the immature messed up kid, all he read was Dad is turning has back on and I'm not going to be allowed back over that 'burned bridge'. I am in no way whatsoever saying that Dad should allow the SS back. No. Not at all. But Dad made it (rightfully so)known very publically to a judge (she read the letter in court) in no uncertain way that SS will not be coming back to Dad's home and Dad has no way of trying to assist the kid...Dad asked the judge to help the kid if she could because it's out of Dad's hands now.

I'd let the kid stew on it for now. Reality is his father did not reject him nor wipe his hands of the kid. Reality is no one can help the SS unless and until the SS gets the professional types of real help he needs. Dad can't do this for his son and Dad isn't foolish enough to believe he could. Counseling, rehab, people who are trained to try and help young men inn the mess the SS is. Dad can't do it and Dad letting the kid back in the house would accomplish none of what the SS truly needs. Perhaps now SS may be forced to deal with and try and fix himself without the safe shelter of his father, the kid will have no choice but to clean himself up and get the counseling and guidance the kid needs to turn himself around.

Your DH did the right thing. Even if the kid wants to believe otherwise.

karenemoy's picture

Having been through it is totally manipulation - went through this with my SS - we cannot have a herion addict living on our house when we both work full time. So off he went to a to s sober living house only to get kicked out for drugs. Consquences!