But I'm not surprised at all at how you were received.  I'm sorry!  It's hard out there for a SM.

This is the only safe site I have ever heard of for it to be ok to not "Love your Bonus Kids!!" - <Barf>

There seems to be a divide when it comes to SP sites: the ones who tout the "bonus mom" anthem regardless of circumstance, and StepTalk. Reddit can be a balance between the two sometimes.

Anyway, most other sites are filled with SPs who don't deal with mental illness, GUBM/GTBF, lying, cheating, PAS, etc. They hear complaints about a SK from a SP and assume the SP just hasn't tried hard enough and is evil. Reality usually is that the SP didn't fully anticipate how hard it would be, is being gaslit/abused by their partner, is dealing with serious mental illness either by the other parent or the kids themselves, etc. 

Don't get me wrong - there are evil SPs. There are definitely times that I think STalk is wayyyyy too critical of kids and expects way more than is realistic, or more than what the poster expects from their own adult partner. But, typically, STalk is dealing with the very hard situations that you can't love someone out of. People who aren't in those situations don't know how to react or critically think about them. Someone has to be blamed, in their mind, so might as well blame the person who entered the situation last.

There is a lot of prejudice against stepparents, particularly stepmoms, even within stepparenting groups. I always remind myself that even bioparents struggle with their kids. Even intact households deal with drugs, abuse, and mental illness. It's not unique to stepland, but people in easy situations tend to think it's just as easy for everyone else. It's not.

I've never been to that site but i did try Reddit. I've heard that if you aren't just 100% positive that the mommy sites will try to e-burn you at the stake if you complain about SK behavior.

I have dated a man with 3 young kids in the past and there were issues there, but it didn't lead me to a site like this. All involved in that situation displayed behavior that, while sometimes awful, at least made sense to me.

This one, though. This one is different. I've come to realize it's a combination of deep-seated longstanding emotional issues and patterns of behavior, as well as some sort of mental or emotional abnormality on the part of the BM (possibly ADHD, on the spectrum, PD, DD, or who knows what?) I found myself dealing with some of the most bizarre and disturbing skid behaviors i've ever seen, and the guy with 3 kids, his kids had some pretty serious issues. I guess those issues just made more sense to me.

After a particularly bad episode i found myself putting some of the behaviors and issues into a Google search and it led me to both this site and Reddit. This site more closely matched my issues.

I also want to add that i didn't start Googling right away. In the beginning, i went in thinking it would be a "bonus mom" situation. I felt i had a lot of experience with kids, a lot of love to give, and i was eager and motivated to be one big happy family. I dealt with the issues on my own for over a year before it finally reached the point of desperation.

Anyway, that's my story. Nobody sets out to be an evil SM. 

The stepparent group on Reddit is controlled by a skid. Other sites are infiltrated by bitter BMs. If any BM tells me I have to be the "bonus mom" I will block her. I'd rather someone say I'm my cats mother.