Nice try, DH
SD17's baby shower is coming up soon. Neither DH nor I particularly want to go. Baby Daddy is an utter asshole, and he clearly gets it from his mother - Voldemort's Bitch (or VB for short). The baby shower is actually being hosted by VB, and it just happens to be right in the middle of our bios' naps. So DH and I had the following conversation:
DH: Well, I guess if the babies are napping one of us will just have to stay home.
Me: OK. I'll stay home with the kids and you can go to the shower.
DH: Me?!? I, uh, thought YOU would want to go.
Me: No, of course not. She's your daughter, you *have* to be there!
DH: I know she's my daughter! But, well, um, showers are girl things, so I just thought...
Me (laughing): Nice try, babe. You just don't want to deal with VB.
DH: True, I hate that bitch. *big sigh*
(Just to address it before anyone raises the concern - no, he wasn't trying to put the "parenting" on me. And he wasn't really serious. He knows he has to go. Although if I told him it was OK if he stayed home, he'd go along with it! 
Wish we both could...)
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Oh what a time he'll have.
Oh what a time he'll have. lol
To a certain extent I'm with
To a certain extent I'm with you, and DH and I were NOT pleased about this pregnancy. (BM is another story. She was thrilled. Which I will never, EVER, understand.)
But no, DH at least has to be there. For one, he loves his kid. But two, SD17's Baby Daddy is doing his damnedest to isolate SD17 from her family. When I said he was an asshole, that was kind of understating. He's got diagnosed and unmedicated bipolar disorder, at least one prior conviction for domestic assault that we know about, and we've personally witnessed how completely controlling he is of her. DH and I are trying to stay as close as possible so we can help her (or the baby, if it comes to that) when she's ready to leave him.
Send a diaper cake and stay
Send a diaper cake and stay home... it's not a big "Dad" event anyway.
Oh no, it's totally a coed
Oh no, it's totally a coed shower. Baby Daddy is a narcissistic, controlling, self-absorbed asshole, and it's HIS mother throwing the shower. Your think this shower is about SD17? Or the baby???
No, no, no - it's about HIM! SD17 needs someone there for her.
For what it's worth, when SD21 had her baby shower, I was the one who went - but that was NOT a coed shower. (It was also hosted by BM's sister, at her house. Soooo.... awkward!
But I went.) If one of us didn't go to SD17's shower, you better believe Baby Daddy will use that as ammo to continue his mission of alienation! (Seriously, can boyfriends be guilty of PAS? Because that is exactly what he's doing.)
I get where you're coming
I get where you're coming from, truly. And I was raised with the same value system you were, I think. The older sister of a friend of mine got pregnant when we were in high school, and she was basically hidden away from that point on. My parents would just make "tsk tsk" noises if the family was mentioned at all.
However, the environment that my SD's are growing up in is different. Teen pregnancy is WAY more common now (sadly), and they don't live in the best area (they lived with BM growing up). In fact, teen pregnancy is so common that SD's high school has a tutor who was specifically hired to help girls keep up while on "maternity leave"! I'm not saying it's GOOD that teens are having babies, mind you, just that they have a totally different mind set than we did.
So, from SD's perspective (and BM's, and Baby Daddy's, and VB's) this isn't abnormal. It's not cause for wringing of hands, or tears, or upset. SD isn't embarrassed to be pregnant. It hasn't "ruined her life" because all they see is the girls around them who have babies - they don't see what they've lost.
I'll probably be flamed for
I'll probably be flamed for this but I don't see teen pregnancy as such a terrible, terrible thing. Of course it's not ideal. Of course we don't want that for our daughters. Children having children is NOT the best thing ever.
BUT, it's not an incurable disease. It's a child. And with the right support system and a half-reasonable mindset, it can be a powerful incentive for a child-woman to go out and forge a better life for herself and her own baby.
I've been in two very different situations: pregnant at 19 (I lost that child and it still hurts) and desperately trying to have a baby in my 30's (I needed IVF and was hugely, hugely lucky to have my daughter). For sheer mental and emotional pain, infertility wins hands down.
Sorry OP I did not mean to hijack your post!
No worries. I'm so sorry
No worries.
I'm so sorry you lost a child! (Also, I agree with you that infertility SUCKS ASS.)