Wow... she really seems to have a negativity issue going on! I don't really have that experience from my mom, but it must be incredibly frustrating and cause you a lot of emotional pain.

I imagine, that in part, the laugh could be because you feel what she is saying is not really true. They are NOT old.. and certainly can travel with no problem. You can't believe that she isn't happy about your dad's new job.

I think that right now, I would not necessarily excise her from your life but rather only allow her in to the extent you feel you can stand. So she rarely calls? Fine, let her call when she wants to. If she starts on about stuff, there is something on the stove you have to deal with etc... At least try a bit of semi disengagement when it suits.

"She hates how I have always seen through her victim act"....I find that this is definitely the part that pisses them off, they don't like being found out.

Hell, I never even knew what a narc was until a few years ago. Now I know how to explain a LOT of people I have met LOL! And yes, I shouldn't, but I really do like to push their buttons on occasion

Narcissistic people actually do care how other see them. They don't really care what people think about them though.
I know that doesn't make much sense but it's like this.
They need to be the centre of attention and will get it any way they can. Good, bad or ugly.

Right now, your Dad has a new job (I suspect as a way to get away from her), he's the centre of attention. She needs to get the spotlight off him and on to her.
The only way she knows is to play the victim.

If you were to say to her, just imagine how jealous everyone is going to be. You'll have all this free time, while he's away. Hes not old and decrepit like Joe down the street. Everyone knows it's because you take such good care of him.
The only reason he's still as young and vibrant and able to take a job like this is because of what a good wife and support system you are.
Play to whatever her vanities are. Positive things, not negative.

If she can be the centre of attention and have everyone think she's an amazing wife whos husband is only where he is because of her, she'll be much easier to deal with.
Even if people are snickering behind her back about how she's taking all the credit, doesn't matter if she thinks she above everyone.

It never ever ends with them but once a narcissist is focused on themselves, they usually leave you alone.
I've discovered that I personally can deal with a high on herself narcissist better than a poor poor victim me one.

Ajanie - yep, you know I am.

Not on speaking terms with my mother since she sent her latest "hate letter" to me in March.
She and my father called me and tried to apologize recently about something that she thinks validated the letter, but the whole premise of the call was just...just...weird and awkward and obviously she had her "spiel" practiced. Because when I accepted the apology for the ONE thing she was "apologizing" for and told them, "But I'd like to discuss what was in the rest of that letter because it was really horrible..." She became VERY defensive, blamed my father TWICE for EVERYTHING (!!) and then again insulted and lied about DH (he was listening too!). She eventually got mad that we asked her stop interrupting us so we could talk and have a discussion and left the call, "I am just DONE here. I can't do this anymore!" Because: She wasn't getting her way.

I was the "black sheep" child, my sister was the "golden child." It was a pretty emotionally messed up childhood (I had a good childhood but it was just emotionless with family members).

I'm so sorry that your mother is like that. My mother is exactly like that too and an alcoholic to boot. She will get so angry at me that she doesn't get to see her grandkids, but maybe once every couple years (we live states apart), but she finds time to spend months with her boyfriends grandkids every year (even on their birthday, Christmas, Thanksgiving), also states away. Somehow this MY fault. I sent her the kids' first day of school pictures, radio silence. Next time I talk to her she will yell at me and get angry for not including her. :?

I have started to limit my contact. It seems you are trying to do the same. I cannot completely cut her out of my life, she's my mom. She was never/is not a good mom, but without her I wouldn't be here, so I stay in contact.

My mother kicked me out when I was 16 because she and SF said that all the problems they had as a family were my fault. Mom was a pothead and SF an alcoholic, but somehow I was the scapegoat for everything. My 2 younger half brothers, his children, could do no wrong even though the brother 3 yrs younger than me has been into drugs and in and out of juvie since he was a young teen. Youngest brother was calling me a b*tch as soon as he could talk.

I have tried to cut my mother out of my life but it seems the tentacles always find me. Since I've been unsuccessful at 100% no contact I've gone to very low contact.We hadn't talked for 1 1/2 years and I would have been ok if I'd never spoken to her again but I had to know her bday year for a passport application so broke down and called her. The entire 10 minute call she went on and on about my brother who is now in a psychiatric facility. How good he's doing, bragging that he finally realized he needs help. My 2 younger brothers are her flying monkeys and do her bipolar bidding. THe few times mother and I were on good terms my brothers and I had some semblence of a relationship, most of the time though there is nothing just like w/my mother.

She has 5 gkids from me and doesn't know their names or what their birthdays are. She's seen them exactly 2x and has never met the youngest. I tried for years to be a good *Christian* daughter, forgive and reconcile w/her but it never worked. She could only heap abuse in return. I actually did come to an understanding with SF after he divorced my mother and before he died. I told him I forgave him and he apoligized for all he'd done.

When my bio father died I mourned the "loss" of my mother too, the mother I'd never had. Just let it all go, cried on and off for a few days over both of them. She's really more of an unpleasant memory than a mother. My kids don't know her and never ask about her.

Yes, daughter of a narc mother here. Many decades of hell and just recently in my 40's healing from it all and letting it go.

My exMIL was a victim narcissist.
She was always the poor, poor me.
"Nobody understands all that I've done or all that I've been through."

Until, she didn't get her way, then she was raging, but still the victim.
"Why is everyone against me? I try, no one else tries and I'm the one who's always hurt in the end. I'm done with this, I don't deserve to be treated like this!"

We basically ghosted her out of our lives. I never called her and exH couldn't stand her so it wasn't a big deal. At least she treated each kid equally badly.

None of her kids talk to her. If she calls, they are busy and now with call display they just don't answer.

I've always dealt with her like I told AJ to above.
Make it all about her, give her all the attention she wants up to a point. It does calm them when they feel like you are coming over to their side.
Then stop all interaction. Ghost out again and because they'll never call you, you should be good.

Me. I know exactly how you feel. I went no contact three years ago. Best decision I've made in a long time.

I went No Contact with my still-married parents ~15 years ago. Neither is NPD but dad is the now-dry drunk with no recovery, as he quit drinking when his liver was starting to blow-out. Mom the zero self-esteem enabling co-dependent. Almost two years ago I started calling on birthdays, holidays, etc., and some texting with my mom (pix of my cats & dogs, etc.). But I did what I needed to do- remove myself from either of their line of fire in terms of their ongoing b.s. and the horrible ways they treat each other & talk to each other.

I've relished every day not living @ the house I left at 18 never to look back. Only in becoming a SM four years ago have I experienced, once again, living with a selfish, entitled, lazy liar who I cannot trust, so part of what eats at me is the fact that I'm robbed of a peaceful, safe home by the very teen I provided such a home to.