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Karma Train Hitting SD36

24 years as a SM's picture

Sorry this is so long and all over the place

Last Thursday, DH was out on the last day of a 3- day delivery route, he called me to tell me that SD36 has been arrested for 3 outstanding traffic warrants. He asked if I could look up what her bail would be and what the traffic ticket were for, speeding or what. I told DH that she needs to sit in jail until arraigned, but NOOO, DH can’t have SD36 sit in jail, it would devastate her mentally, besides SD36 or her fiance doesn't’t have the money to post a bond. SD36 fiance is paying all the household bills and doesn't have the funds for her bond. I don’t give a rats @ss.

I told DH if he bails her out she will never learn, Nope, DH wanted the know what her bail is, I am royally pissed, so I tell DH if you bail her out, I want her to pay us back and until she does I will be taking 10 times the amount from DH’s personal savings account, Idiot Husband agrees. I let him know that I would call him back, once I did some research and find out the bail and what the charges are.

The internet is a great tool, SD36 had 4 warrants. Speeding ticket for 98 mph in a 55 mph zone, that turned in to a failure to appear. 2 Driving on a suspended license, that turned into failure to appear, and the final one is for petty theft, turned into a failure to appear with a bench warrant of $4000. We were aware of the first three, she had told DH that these were all taken care of. LIAR!! But we did not know about the petty theft. I did some calling around to some Police Officers that my son use to work with and got the scoop on Miss Sticky Fingers She tried to steal a diamond ring from the lady that she was doing in home health care for, and got caught. The elderly ladies daughter pressed charges, come to find out the ring was only a CZ ring and not worth a lot, so they could only charge her with petty theft.

While I am looking up and calling in favors to find out all the information, I get a call from the jail, It’s SD36, she was sniveling in the phone to me, that I need to bail her out, since her dad is not home yet. It’s all a mistake, she said that she took care of the tickets. I point blank called her a liar and told her if I had my way, she would sit in jail until she was arraigned. I told her to turn off the poor me sh*t that it doesn't work with me. I wanted to see how far she would go with her lies and asked her what the warrants were, she told me about the first three, but omitted the petty theft, she said her bail is $13,000. Told her to try again and this time don’t lie to me, she said that there was another warrant for something she didn’t do. She said the ring accidentally fell into her purse and she wasn’t aware of it at the time.

B*llsh*t, I told her that DH and I are furious with her for all her lying and never getting off her lazy ass and getting a full time job. She starts her crying crap again, told her to knock it off, I wasn’t her dad and this sh*t doesn’t fly with me. DH and I would discuss this before any decisions would be made on the bail. SD36 starts yelling saying that the bond is 10%, only $130, just get her out. I told her that her father wasted so much money on her private schooling for her to be so stupid. 10% of $13,000 is $1,300. I didn’t know that she only had 3 minutes for the call and a recorded message came on and said “you have exceeded your 3 minutes, Goodby” and hung up.

I called DH and ripped him a new one on how stupid SD36 is and what her warrants cost for bail and the cost of the bond. He started getting pissy with me, I told him, I am not the one that caused this problem, but I am the one trying to help him, if he wanted to be an asshole, he could figure this out himself, and hung up on him. DH calls me back, calmer and ask if I would call around and see which bail bonds could bail her out and what would we need to do.

So I call around for almost an hour and found one that would bail her for only 8% of the bail, this was around 4:30pm. DH was home by then and being a jerk again, I gave him the information and told him to go for it, I am done trying to help him with this crap.

I told him to give me his password for his savings account, so I could transfer $10,400 in to my personal account until SD36 pays us back and she has to send me the money, not him. DH was shocked, I told him after all the years, I have no trust in him, when it comes to SD36. Transferred the money, while DH called the bail-bondsman, Bondsman would be at the jail at 8PM and DH needs to meet them there with the bond amount of $1,040.

SD36 calls again and asks when someone is getting her out, DH told her that he would be at the jail to pay the bond at 8pm. She starts throwing a tantrum on the phone and DH told her that if she doesn’t stop, he will not pay the bond. SD36 calms down and tells him thank you for all the help with this mistake that the cops made, she plans on suing them for false arrest. DH gets off the phone and shook his head and said she still lying.

DH finally starts acting like a human, we sat on the deck and discussed this issue and I told him that he really needs to back off with SD36 and let her deal with all of this mess. DH agreed and said that he would just go up and pay the bond and leave, SD36 could have her fiance pick her up at the jail. But he was going to call her the next day and tell her that she needs to make arrangements to pay us back with money orders only. DH doesn’t trust her not to write us a bad check.

DS41 sat with us, listening to DH complain about SD36 and how ashamed is of his daughter. DH leaves to go up to the jail, DS41 jumps on his phone to call a buddy that works at the jail and tells his buddy to take his time on SD36 release. SD36 didn’t get released form the jail until 12:30am.

The next day DH calls SD36 and tells her that she will need to pay us back with money orders, DH asked when her court date is, so he can go and make sure that she is there at court, he told her not to lie to him, because he can find out the date on his own if needed. So the day before Halloween SD36 has her court date, she wanted DH to pay for a lawyer for her case. DH told her no, your guilty, you will take what the court gives you, fines, probation or even jail time, if the judge orders it.

We haven’t heard one word from SD36 since Friday’s phone call from DH to her. Usually she is calling DH 2 to 3 times a day, whining about some kind of drama in her life.

I really want to be a fly on the wall at SD36 court date. I know SD36 will not pay us back, so DH just lost part of his savings, I will not back down on this. Somehow, someway, I need to get it through his head to stop enabling her.

Comments

24 years as a SM's picture

Why do so many of us SM continue to enable our DH's? Maybe because we love our DH and hope that some day things will change. 

Survivingstephell's picture

24 years you're a stepmom?  Have they changed much?  Knowing that he wanted to bail her out, I would have taken my sweet ass time finding out those answers for him.  I would have made sure she sat in there as long as I could make her sit in there. 

Its good you got that money out of him.  Invest it so you have more and then will it appropriately if you don't use it up.  

An emergency on their part does not make it an emergence on your part.  

You can continue the dysfunctional dance with him but nothing changes for you until you decide to stop.  

You can love  a man and not enable him.  

24 years as a SM's picture

DH has been changing over the last year or so. He's getting better at telling her no and standing up for me. This is the first backslide since September of last year. 

I do have to say that he has not tried to contact her and is waiting for her to make the first call, since Friday.

notsobad's picture

My first thought was why are you helping DH with all of this? You are as cuplable as he is in getting her out. You spent a huge amount of time and energy on getting SD out of jail.

I understand loving your husband and wanting things to change but you made it easy for him to get her out. Just like SD, your DH is never going to change if you keep making it easy for him to help her.  You know the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over but expecting different results.

What would DH have done if he didn't have you to look everything up and find a bailbondsman. Would he have thrown a tantrum, like SD when she doesn't get her way?