Over the years sd21 has said or did the following:

Told Dd12 who was 6ish at the time that me dh and dd19 lie to her s.d sd is the only one to believe

That BD19 hated her and called her a brat (dd12 was 7 or

Would sneak junk food and tell dd19 and 12 that she asked and we said yes, then after would tell them they couldn't say anything

Told dd12 (at the time 9) that she knew I told DD12 she was doing drugs but not to believe anything I said about her because it wasn't true.

Would send txt messages to Dd12 over the last two years that don't forget I love you know matter what anyone says

Sd21 told DD19 that she did too much for dd12 and dd12 needed to step up to the plate and take on her own responsibility. (dd was showing an animal at the fair, and we helped get her animal ready- sd went to her dad complaining as well.

Sd21 sees dd12 about 3-4 times a year

In addition ss told dd12 he hated me and she told dh, dh confronted ss, ss now refuses to come over, he's 15.
Dh sees him once a week, but ss has seen dd 2 times about 4 hours