First time here and I need to vent... Looking for advice
I am 25 years old, married at 20 to my husband who is much older than I. When we first got together things were great, that is because his children were with their mother most of the time. As time went on and after we got married, they were with us more and more. My husband loved it, I hated it. Soon they were with us 24/7. I remember despising everyday, not wanting to get up. I felt jealous, that they were taking time away from me and my husband. I felt like I was placed on the back burner, nothing I said mattered. It was all about them.
I had some time to think things over, and made a deal with my self, just to keep my mouth shut and roll with the punches. The children got older and soon I felt like I had no power in my house hold anymore, his children are teenagers while I am still in my early 20's. I am still growing myself and am suppose to help them? His oldest son, who seemed to always have a problem with me since day one, left at 18 to live with his mother, yay! But now I have a 17 yr old still here. He has a learning disability so his father, my husband, thought it would be best for him, since the school wasn't helping, to take him out of school and home school him. So now he is at home 24/7. It's hard for me to be around him, so I leave at any chance I get. But when my husband comes home from work or during the weekends he want us to all be together as a "family" but I don't want to be around my ss anymore then I have to. Then I get accused from my husband of not wanting anything to do with him, but its my ss i dont want anything to do with.
I ask my ss to help out around the house, but he does everything half a**, I try to show him how to do things and he cops and attitude, I ask my husband to help me and to tell him and then I'm nagging and b*tching too much... I need some advice on how to deal with this.
Is the kid moving out or
Is the kid moving out or going to college at 18? If everything else is good, it might be best just to keep your mouth shut till then.
Because you are so young and late on the scene, the chance that your SS will start respecting you or your husband would start parenting differently is about nil.
Until then, maybe you can get a job, or start volunteering on the weekends so you can get out.
I agree with you. Get a job.
I agree with you. Get a job. Get your OWN money. Save you some F-U money just incase the crap hits the fan!!!
Tatt: Sure do hate you are
Tatt: Sure do hate you are going throug this but why is your husband still going to work and he insisted on pulling your SS out of school and home school him. He should not have dumped that responsibility on your shoulders. You are young yourself and have your whole life ahead of you. I pray your DH wakes the hell up before he is left all alone with his son. What would he do if you left him? Who would home school his son then. Let him say you are nagging and bitching too much but get your point across. You dont have to live in misery. Things like this consumes us and we feel trapped but I am here to tell you that since I have been on this site I have clung to two words- miniwife and disengage. I dont think either fits your problem but you know you are never alone on here. You read some of the stories on here and you can take pointers from them or go at it alone. I hope you find peace in your marriage. I have been married for 5 months and have dealt with my 20 yr old SD who pitched a fit on me and my DH asked me why did I have to go in there and pick on her. I think he sees me as being on her level. If with a SS that has a disability, suggest to DH to get him a tutor and let him know you feel left out and ask him what he suggest you both can do together to help solve this problem. Nip it quickly or it will destroy your marriage. Keeping quiet will only make a bomb. You will eventually explode. That does not work. YOu may have rolled too long as it is. You are human and deserves to be at peace in your marriage and your own home. I will say a prayer for you. I am a SM and I am not perfect but I like peace in my home to. If you feel negelected keep telling him until he gets the point. Either one or two things will happen divorce or adultry. Lets hope for neither. Dont stop talking and say it with grace and humbleness. If he continues to treat you like you are invisible then be invisible. Start going out with a girlfriend or two. Girls night out to get a break. Let him know that you have something else to do and he have to make other arrangements for his son. Just my opinion.
Who is home schooling him??
Who is home schooling him?? That's terrible if you huband pins that responsibility on you. I wouldn't even want to home school my own kids--that's gotta be the toughest job out there! If you think the 17 yo will be moving out soon, I would sit tight and ignore everything until then. But, how will he be able to move out...how bad is his disability?
Learning the right ways to disengage seems to be a popular technique on here and it works in many situations.
From what I have heard, he is
From what I have heard, he is a bit slow and has adhd. While he was in school, the school placed him in the special needs class. What amazed me is there was no in between class at these schools where I am living. It's either normal education classes or special needs, that's it. So according to my husband, which I did agree at the time, the school was not helping him at all, so he took him out of school. Our "arrangement" was he makes the home school scheduled for him and I have to up hold it during the day. So technically I am the one home schooling him, but it's more like my ss is almost an adult and it is his responsibility to do his work, if he doesn't do his work then that is his choice.
At the moment the "PLAN" is for him to get his GED, and however long it takes, it takes. But from what I see it's going to be a few years till this happens or my ss will give up around 18-19 and leave, or try to get a job. I have a feeling that he is going to be here for a while. Can I blame him that he didn't get the proper education, no, but I still don't like it. It's a double edge sword, I have to put up with him, and be the "evil" step mom to get him to study and do the things he needs to, and put up with all the bs from him in order for him the get his GED and leave.
That's what I was wondering,
That's what I was wondering, are you the one having to home school him? If so, did you agree to this or did your DH decide it for you? At 17, he needs socialization skills and is not getting that by staying home 24/7.
What is your husband doing about preparing him for the real world or are you going to be stuck with him forever?
I agree with you on some
I agree with you on some things, but maybe I am blind to the others, I do work, we both run our own business. I take care of most of it from home, while he freelances at his current job. I am the one at home, so I have to make sure my ss is doing his home school work. My husband makes the lesson plan and I make sure it gets done.
In the beginning I was like a child in the relationship but as I grew and am still growing I have learned to stand my ground, but I do pick my battles, or at least try to.
It's very hard because I am
It's very hard because I am at the point of they are not much younger then me and I shouldn't have to take care of them, let them figure it out, which my husband thinks I need to be an adult about the situation, but I laugh at him and say well your kids should be too since they are only 5-6 years younger then me! But I try, believe I try to be the best of whatever I am suppose to be, but I am so tired of the bs, when my ss visit his mother for a week, it is so peaceful, i am at peace with myself when he is gone, then when he comes back I just want to cry.