I have been in a committed relationship with another woman for 8 years. When we moved in together my BD was 15 and her BD was 6. I have always had very strong opinions about child rearing. I believe in helping the child explore and reach their potential (in a nutshell). I believe in reasonable expectations, chores and consistency! My partner and the other 2 moms subscribe to the "natural consequences" child rearing philosophy which is very different to say the least. My partner told me when we got together that she wanted help in the discipline area because she's bad at it and I'm good at it. Problem is she never supported me in it. She would stand by while I did the work but if SD got upset partner would tell her not to worry about it. So very little support and consistency. SD is not a "bad" kid, yet. Long story short, things started badly 8 years ago and have just gotten worse. I have fought long and hard to communicate the issues and discuss/compromise but partner pretty much says ok uh huh and does what she wants anyway (which is nothing). SD is an obstinate, lazy, ill mannered child that does not know how to communicate effectively at 14. I gotta say that I am a little kid person and since I was unable to figure things out when SD was little now I'm freaked that things are only going to get worse. Partner told me this morning after 8 years that she never liked my BD either and just waited it out til she left home. Well big difference between a mom that made sure her BD treated partner with good manners and respect ALWAYS to a partner that never did those things for me with her BD. The only thing I can think to do is become indifferent (like partner did with my BD) but unlike partner indifference is NOT part of my nature. This whole thing continues to cause me untold stress and pain. It hurts so much that partner has undermined my positive efforts over the years so she could remain SD's "favorite" mom in our house. There is so much more to this but I'm going to stop and look forward to seeing your responses/suggestions/questions. Thanks