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Living with a Disney dad

Disengageme's picture
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My dh treats my ss11 as if he were a toddler. I walked by the sink after he left one day and there was a sippy cup. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. He is lazy and will run inside the house, lay on his phone, and eat leaving food everywhere. My hubby won't stick to any rules and we constantly fight over it. He says I hate his son. Thing is I've tried so hard but it's it was never good enough so I disengage as much as possible. It's hard to leave with a two month old now when he comes to visit. I go to my moms just to get away. If I stay here I have panic attacks and I feel resentment building until he leaves. He caters to his every need, gives him no chores, has no rules, and I feel like I'm being run out of my own home. I know the D word will not be far off if things don't change. 

Harry's picture

Saids it all.   Talk about dysfunctional father.   He more then a Disney Daddddy.  He's totally dysfunctional. And a bad parent.  It would be hard to live with someone like that,   Your SO has major problems and needs help

ESMOD's picture

I read your other post as well.  You said your SO had his parental rights terminated.  You really need to elaborate on THAT.  It sounds like BM is a pretty poor mom herself or at the very least does not have great means to take care of her child given that her parents appear to be raising the child. So, it seems like the kid was twice cursed with a crap father and a crap mother.  It's no wonder he has issues.  His Grands are likely well meaning but probably not all that prepared to be parents that they have been forced into.. they likely coddle the kid to try to make up for his poor parenting (or maybe THEY are poor parents themselves as well as evidenced by BM's turnout)?

But, if his parental rights were terminated.. why does he still get visitation with his son?  If the courts didn't think he was deserving of any custody.. it seems he shouldn't have any time with the child.  And.. honestly... why would you want to have a child with someone who's rights had been terminated to another child.. that seems awfully risky right there.

I'm not sure that what you have is a Disney Dad anyway.  I think you have an ill equipped father.  One who is not a good parent.  He doesn't have a clue.  Why would an 11 yo need a sippy cup?  or is it perhaps more of a cup with a lid.. like a sports cup for kids?  I don't know.. he lets his son do whatever because he doesn't know how to parent.. and he gets mad when you leave because that means he is stuck with his kid alone.  

It is HIS child.. why on earth is he expecting you to entertain him?  

But... more info on that parental termination is in order and why he still has custody time if he has no parental rights.. does he pay support?

Disengageme's picture

Well I wasn't supposed to be able to have anymore children. His rights were terminated years ago when he was incarcerated (I know that sounds bad) but since then he's made a complete turn around. He was the one that took care of the child for years. She did it for spite and even though his rights were terminated she tries to put him off anytime she can or she did for a couple years. Btw. Yes it is a sippy cup. Not a sports type cup. Have a goodnight 

Disengageme's picture

Well I wasn't supposed to be able to have anymore children. His rights were terminated years ago when he was incarcerated (I know that sounds bad) but since then he's made a complete turn around. He was the one that took care of the child for years. She did it for spite and even though his rights were terminated she tries to put him off anytime she can or she did for a couple years. Btw. Yes it is a sippy cup. Not a sports type cup. Have a goodnight 

Disengageme's picture

Well I wasn't supposed to be able to have anymore children. His rights were terminated years ago when he was incarcerated (I know that sounds bad) but since then he's made a complete turn around. He was the one that took care of the child for years. She did it for spite and even though his rights were terminated she tries to put him off anytime she can or she did for a couple years. Btw. Yes it is a sippy cup. Not a sports type cup. Have a goodnight 

Disengageme's picture

Well I wasn't supposed to be able to have anymore children. His rights were terminated years ago when he was incarcerated (I know that sounds bad) but since then he's made a complete turn around. He was the one that took care of the child for years. She did it for spite and even though his rights were terminated she tries to put him off anytime she can or she did for a couple years. Btw. Yes it is a sippy cup. Not a sports type cup. Have a goodnight 

Stepdrama2020's picture

C'mon really?!   OMG at 11.

Now I have heard everything. Poor you to have to deal with this crap.

Thefatherismyfamily's picture

Refuse to fight with him about his son. Make your expectations clear and firm. If he starts fighting walk away. If he won't make changes you make changes by telling the child they need to clean up, do chores, whatever normal stuff kids are expected to do at that age.  If your husband becomes verbally abusive at you for stating normal expectations to an 11 year old then he doesn't respect you as an adult. He is undermining you as an adult and head of Household in your own Home.  

Help Appreciated's picture

I know exactly how you feel. My boyfriend is wrapped around his 11 year old son's finger. He is so clingy and needy and bf just feeds into it. I asked 11 to come pick up his dirty socks, and bf comes walking into the room to get them. I said why are you picking up HIS socks that I asked him to pick up? He said "you wanted them picked up right?!" I said "he's 11 years old, he's totally capable." They give him zero responsibilities. Bf has to stand by his side to do everything. 11 is so beyond clingy to him, I don't know if he is purposely trying to put a wedge in between us, or what. When he's here my BF and I barely talk. 11 won't stop talking to bf, won't let me get a word in (to be a part of the convo), and is literally on top of my bf. We get zero time to ourselves when he's here. My bf has to lay with him so that he falls asleep. I get so angry and upset that he doesn't see what his son is doing, and that he feeds into it....that I just shut down. I'm not going to compete with anyone for anyone's attention, period. I have been more than understanding and try to give them time to themselves, but it's still not enough. And when we do stuff together, I just feel like a third wheel. I really don't know what to do at this point.