Just looking for some unbiased advice
My son's mother and I have had a fairly decent relationship since we split, about 11 years ago. When she's single, she's the easiest person to get along with, when she jumps into relationships, it's a complete 180. Attempts to make my life hell. When she's single, as odd as it sounds, we would all hang out, and even took vacations. Nothing romantic between the mother and I at all. When she's in a relationship, she's very controlling. You need to do this, or he's not coming to see you. Almost using him as a pawn.
I'm actually thinking about filing for custody, but haven't made the decision yet, as I want to talk to my son first, who's 12. I'd just like to get an idea on whether he'd even want to live with me, which I'm sure he would.
My son's mother has a tendency to jump into relationships fairly fast. Currently, she's living with an ex boyfriend, while getting serious with another. During my son's 7 years of schooling, he's been to six different school districts. Six.. As she has a tendency to move in with guys immediately, to just get kicked back out by them months down the road for some reason. Her other son, who's 16, from a different Dad, actually told her that he's fed up with her actions, and had no interest in seeing her anytime soon. This son, she actually left in Indiana when he was 1, to move to FL. So heres my 12 year old, getting ready for 7th grade in a 6th different school disctrict, telling me that he's enrolled into online learning again this year. I confronted Mom about it and she's not sure where she's going to be, so she's keeping him out of school again.
Am I perfect, absolutely not. However, I DO take pride in being a father. That's just my thing. There's nothing better than being a Dad, in my opinion. I pay her $500.00 month in support, and I've been current for 11 years. Yet, she's made comments to people how she's always buying everything, and naturally gives me zero credit. When in fact, I've been the one who made sure SHE always had X mas gifts under the tree, and she's always broke.
When confronted about the school districts, she basically says that I'm the idiot, and it's not a big deal. My question to everyone, if you were in my situation, would you be concerned. Would you be perfectly OK with your child hopping around to a school district per year on average?
I'm sure this paragraph is a mess, I get frustrated even discussing it. I'm sure my point got acrross though.
David
Yes, that is definitely
Yes, that is definitely concerning. And you might want to look into the laws in your state to double check when kids are given a voice in this sort of court proceedings. I know it's often once they're teenagers in many states, but others here might have better advice.
if you do pursue custody, i'd personally recommend creating a timeline. Be really specific about dates, school changes, changes in her availability to provide consistent medical care, or housing, or those basic needs where she hasn't been able to do that job as a mother. Especially if you can counter that your home is more stable, that you've kept a job and an address very consistently for the past decade. All of that will look good in your favor. The other thing to do if you don't do it already is to set up your own parent teacher conference is with your sons teachers. Be in touch with coaches on sports teams. Demonstrate a history of your own care for your son and be more involved and knowledgeable about these parts of his life. Concrete examples and dates are always the way to go with legal things. I'm sorry for your son and good luck.
My DH could have written this
My DH could have written this post, except instead of multiple school districts it was just house-hopping every year or so.
Should you file for custody? Talk to an attorney about how likely you are to get custody before dumping thousands of dollars into this. Some places, this would be an easy win. Others, she could murder her neighbor and still keep custody.
Don't talk to your son first. This has nothing to do with what he wants and more about what he needs. If the court is going to ask him what he wants and you worry what he'll say, ask *after* you've decided how you want to proceed and then talk to your attorney about how that might impact the case.
Your son may tell you that he wants to stay, but his reasoning may be very unhealthy. He may enjoy a life without structure, but that is detrimental to his long-term success. He may feel it necessary to stick around to protect his mom from her BFs, or to be her emotional support when she gets broken up with. That's not his job, and he needs you to pull him out of that role.
The best advice I have for you is to stop viewing your ex like she has anyone's best interests except her own at heart. Hold her to the CO and file contempt charges when she refuses visitation. Limit interactions and communication to about your son. If you have joint decision-making about school, exercise that. Being a mother doesn't make her a good one that cares. You may think you know her because she is your ex, but that also makes her someone who can easily manipulate you. Assume that she is trying to manipulate every situation to her advantage.
Best of luck.
I agree with all of this. I
I agree with all of this. I wouldn't involve your son in this issue until you are further into your decision making process and have gotten some good legal advice. It would be unfair to either give him false hope or cause him anxiety over the change.
The changing of school districts in itself is not going to get you custody... but her lack of stable home/housing might if you can absolutely prove it. I went to 12 different schools in 12 years since my dad was in the military.. it's not neglectful or abusive to have a kid change schools.. we move every year.
I would first take your real
I would first take your real name and picture off this post - you want to keep your anonymity. Second, I wouldn't ask your son what we wants. When kids are put in this position they tend to clam up and withdraw. My GD is 6.5. She's already been to 3 different schools in the 3 years she's been attending school. Same scenario, BM jumps into relationships as fast as she changes her knickers. She's finally calmed down and we hope stays put for at least another few years. Can you get custody? Depends what state you live in. I would get a free consultation with an attorney first and don't jump on it too quick, lawyers, unfortunately are more interested in your money than they are of your actual scenario. Please document every move, every school, make sure you keep school records, doctor visits, as much paperwork as you can to try and prove that the mom isn't providing stability for your child. Good luck, I'm sure this is a sucky situation for you.
I understand your concerns. I
I understand your concerns. I hate to burst your bubble but SD lived at 9 different addresses in 5 years & I think 4 different schools. The court didn't care - only that she had a roof over her head. If your son wants to live with you, that may have some pull.
It sounds like you may not have a court order, but are at mom's mercy. If that is the case, a court order would definitely be worth persuing to ensure your visitation time, but I wouldn't get my hopes up about primary custody. Typically, unless the primary parent agrees or is very abusive, custody does not change.
It sounds like BM calls all
It sounds like BM calls all the shots and you have no parental rights. Do you have any court orders in place or custody of the child? I'm assuming you are in the US and from what I've seen, it's much harder for men to get equal custody over there (especially in some states). I'm in Australia and equal custody is pretty much the norm (if both parents want it) although many Dads still have to go to court to get it.
Yeahhhhh it's time for you to
Yeahhhhh it's time for you to tighten the reins and get full custody of your child. Children need stability and good role models. Best of luck to you.
The person you polluted your
The person you polluted your gene pool with is an idiot. Take custody, a 12yo should not get an opinion, parents are the ones who make decisons on what is best for minor children.
Be ready with every fact to go for her throat in court and to tune your son with the facts about his idiot mother.
smh