You are here

Narcissistic ex wife...no co-parenting..she keeps their son away from us as much as she can

sma08mommyof1's picture

:?
Just a short history. I met my Fiance when we were in highschool, we dated on and off for a couple years and then got engaged. Shortly after we broke it off...much to my surprise (being told by a coworker) that my very best friend/ room mate was dating him...they were together for a little over a year before getting married and then shortly after they had a son. They split up several times during the pregnancy and afterwards. Shortly after their son turned 1, me and him reconnected. we started dating again and she started seeing someone else also...a few months later they decided to try and save their family and marriage and I left. I didn't make a big deal or deny either of them that chance, needless to say it didn't work out...they divorced and we got back together and she met someone who she has now been with for over a year.

The problems...when me and him were not together they were able to co parent...when I am in the picture its non existant. He will ask her for more time with the child and she will say no and her excuses have ranged from "well you were mean to me at thanksgiving." (months ago) or "id rather put him back in daycare than for you to have him more." He does have court ordered one night a week and everyother weekend and we do have him or see him on those days, but she has just recently moved in with his mother (I KNOW RIGHT?? totally serious.) and she now literally lives 5 mins away. she works 12 hr shifts and so we asked if we could have their son on the evenings while shes at work. of course we cant. The reason we are so fed up with it is bec we are not allowed any extra time but over the past 8 days she has had their son for 1 of them...she pawns him off on my fiancé's family or her family or whoever she can. The really sad part is they know we have asked for more time and instead of telling us they have him so we can get him or go see him there, they don't tell us anything. I don't understand how they can condone her being in my fiancé's mothers house and disrespecting him the way that she does and how she chooses to be a part time mom but absolutely denies the father any more time. How does anyone think that that is okay? he can call and say "hey can I have my son?" and instead of a simple no she will get pissed and go on this big rant and say hateful mean things and then turn around and say hes bitter bec her life turned out better (He could care less lol) He has never raised his voice or disrespected her in anyway and he doesn't allow anyone else to either. Idk how she has it in her head that he is so awful lol he just laughs at her and gets off the phone.

He is a great dad. He pays his child support, and he works hard and he helps me a lot in raising my son because his dad is not around. I would pay money for my sons dad to pick up the phone and ask me to see him. so what is her problem? She is very high conflict. I had tried in the past to resolve any conflict between us and it was just a big "you're a horrible person and I am better than you" spill and then went from that to name calling on her part and then telling me I had the hate in my heart. I never spoke badly to her at all for her to say that. She is very narcissistic in thinking that she is better than everyone and she has never done wrong. I mean to everyone she says I ruined her home but she was living with another man. She has their son call her boyfriend daddy...but made it very clear he was to never call me mommy (not that I would make him do that.) but seriously when she was addressed about it she said it was bec he heard her bf's daughters say that so he doesn't know the difference. I call b.s. he doesn't call me mommy and my son has never called my fiancé daddy and they are the same age. we have both been around them since age 1. We have talked to a lawyer about it but of course we don't have the money it takes for a custody battle. which is sad bec since he was little she's maybe been a mother 2 or 3 days a week and she has full custody. she literally pawns him off on anyone she can. The kid doesn't know who a stranger is. She tries to turn my fiance's family against him and has managed to keep them from getting to know or like me. I love my fiancé and it kills me that he has to go through this, it sucks for me too because I think of his son like I do my own and when he's not here we feel like a piece of us is missing, not to mention my son and him absolutely love and adore each other.

One time my fiancé was trying to take him back after a visit and she told him no not to worry about it, that she already told gma she could bring him. so ex wife calls gma and tells her that my fance refused bring him and he tells gma no he was already there and he was his son, and he was gonnna take him back to meet her boyfriend. so when he got to the spot where he was to meet her boyfriend he was surprised bec she told him that my fiancé refused to bring their son and that he was supposed to be meeting my fiances gpa...lol its all in a attempt to make him look like a horrible father. she creates situations where she absolutely refuses to let him see him or help and then lies to everyone else to turn it on him.

We have tried everything to get this situation to a civil point. To a point where there is good communication and its just a fail. All me and my fiancé are concerned about is having a relationship with their son and she cant seem to put herself aside and let it happen. Its always about what she wants and what she wants to do. All about control. we have tried everything. if anyone knows of an approach to this that we haven't thought of we greatly appreciate it.

sma08mommyof1's picture

Oh not to mention his family still keeps pictures of them when they were married up on the walls and they make remarks about how they should not have gotten divorced. Even in high school they didn't really want him with me...but they take no time to get to know me. so irritating....how am I supposed to deal with that?

Lemonlimez's picture

She seems very bitter. I've dealt with a high conflict BM and it hasn't gotten better for us for over 5 years now. You just have to take out a day at a time and try hard not to let things bother you that you can't control. I think it's very disrespectful of his family to keep pictures of the two of them on display in their home. Obviously they don't care for your husband's happiness. I would not step foot inside a home where I had to look at my spouses past. That's right, his PAST!!!

sma08mommyof1's picture

I thought maybe it would get better but were almost 3 years in again and it seems to get worse. His aunt made a status about me to her defense on facebook the other day so it showed me good and true where I stood and believe me I will have nothing to do with any of them now. They should be concerned with him and his happiness not hers. I understand having a relationship with them bec there is a child involved but I think there should be boundaries and lines and there isn't.

sma08mommyof1's picture

I have never heard of that...ill have to tell him about it so we can talk to our lawyer. Thank you.

sma08mommyof1's picture

That was my exact thought when I heard about it was why did two different lawyers and a judge not tell us this....definitely looking into it!!!!!

sma08mommyof1's picture

I don't deal with her. Everything that's goes on between them is what they say and do to each other. I only tried to talk to her once in the past 3 years. I don't feed in to any of it.
I didn't know it was wrong of me to try and help him, geeze people read too much into things.
We never demanded anything
We've asked. We just thought if she wasn't gonna be the one spending all her time with the kid than he should be not everyone In his family.

sma08mommyof1's picture

I know I realized that after the first rude comment. If i would just get on here and bash her or something I feel like people would have had more to say...smh. oh well. Or I should have left my history with him out bec apparently I'm mental for being with him lol.
Thank you Smile

sma08mommyof1's picture

Your right. She's the queen of manipulation. Most of us just caught on quicker than the rest. We are looking into the ROFR. Smile