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Feeling badly for DH

Plex's picture

Submitted by Plex on Tue, 07/20/2010 - 5:58pm

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Blended Family Issues

Sorry, guys. This forum is so liberating, I have been spending a ton of spare time relishing in the fact that I AM NOT ALONE!!!

Anyway, just a vent. If you read my previous post, you will notice that I am having a horrible time connecting and liking SD11 and that I am relived that she went home today (we only see her about 1-2 weeks a year). Well, DH came home tonight and said that he was glad our home was back to 'normal'. This was an odd statement coming from him. After I questioned him about it he said he is having a hard time liking the person she is growing into. That her lack of simple manners, her rudeness and and "do what I want to or I am going to make your time miserable" and cater to me personality really bothers him. He says she acts just like her mother; someone who he had a tremulous relationship with. He is so bummed about it and I don't know how to help. He loves her, but her mother was granted permission by a judge to take her to AZ when she was 2-- He has zero influence on her character. Each year it's worse, she comes less and less due to being in a cheer club that demands attendance or else. I'm not sure if BM did this on purpose or not....I doubt it, but one never knows. I just hope their relationship does not fizzle, but It already has started.

If you have any similar experience, let me know.

Lovepets's picture

Submitted by Lovepets on Tue, 07/20/2010 - 6:06pm

You are not alone! This site has been such a blessing for me too! I am so worried that future SD7 will end up like her mother :O I hope that your situation gets much better. It breaks my heart when futureSD breaks her father's heart with her bad manners and attitude. Read Stepmonster, it is helping me tremendously.

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Tue, 07/20/2010 - 6:09pm

I recommend that your DH immediately file for ammendment of visitation. He should have more than 2wks with his daughter regardless of her extracurricular activities.

Most Custody/Visitation/Support orders are very clear that nothing takes priority over visitation time between a child and their NCP.

We have never lived closer than 1500miles to by SS's BioDad. He sees his SpermClan 7+ weeks per year. 5Wks Summer, 1Wk+/- Winter, 1Wk+ Spring.

Certainly their toxic toothless moronic crap causes problems before and after he goes and returns from visitation. He goes in to pre visitation dipshit mode for about 2wks before he goes on visitation and we have to deal with ~3wks of behavioral detox when he returns. However, I commited to him and to my wife that I would never prevent him from having a relationship with his BioDad and the SpermClan.

The main question is can you handle more regular and extended time with your SD in your home?

Best regards.

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Wed, 07/21/2010 - 8:32am

SA,

I understand that this is a Sparent forum. However, her DH is being denied time with his kid by a manipulative BM. That pisses me off.

As for more time with Skids .... I can understand why both the SM and the BioDad would not want that if the kid is so infected with toxicity by the other bioparent as to be intollerable.

Your description of the evolution of a bratty 11yo into a thong wearing, demanding, lieing name calling diva mall rat cracked me up. Biggrin

Best regards.

Plex's picture

Submitted by Plex on Wed, 07/21/2010 - 5:43am

At this point I am not gunning for any more time w/ SD, nor have a brought it up. EGADS! LOL

He has not brought it up either. SD would flip out if she missed more time with her tweener mean girls on the cheer team. I dont think this is the direction we want to go in. I am more relaxed now than I have been in 14 days. However, even though I don't feel badly that she is gone, I feel badly that he is hurting. So, with this rambling post...I am going to let it go. Why? B/c I feel badly for him, but not for me. Smile Should he get to see her more and I don't think it would be an issue with BM. However, SD would be unhappy and make it more difficult to deal with her if she HAD to come.

On a side note I am amazed that our DD4 has not even brought up her sister being gone as I thought she would be devistated when she left. Perhaps she sees the stress that is put on the family when she is here?

steptwins's picture

Submitted by steptwins on Wed, 07/21/2010 - 8:41am

Before I got married, when DH & BM were on a 5 day on/off schedule -- DH would totally be depressed when the swins first left with her for her 5 days... Of course now she doesn't take them & there's no schedule. Only repreive is when DH says that nasty word: "No" to a swin who will call BM to rescue him. Vicious circle you don't want!