Your not an evil step mom.. a scedual is a scedual. If it's not already court ordered I would recommend one that way she cannot tell him he can't see her on his weekends.it should be set not only for you guys but for his daughter as well so she knows when she sees her dad and doesn't get her hopes up to be let down by what seems to be her mother. I have 3 step kids and my own daughter and I have made sure that everything is set and theit mother can't change it for her own convinience. And your husband needs to put his foot down!

Your not evil at all, I have been through the exact same thing with my partner and his ex, she will change things and we don't get a say and if it's a weekend where we have plans I always feel I should say it's ok we can cancel so he sees the children. I feel if I said no I'm being judged but there is no stability at times and that doesn't help the children. She needs to keep hi seeing the kids regularly or they don't know where they are

I lived in that situation for just under three years. (I recently separated from DH, so I'm not dealing with it anymore, but I've had a lot of time to think about it these past two months.)

BM changed the visitation schedule around on an almost weekly basis. I never knew when the skids were going to be at my house. DH never consulted me about these changes, and most of the time, he didn't even bother to tell me that there HAD been a change. They'd just show up. I never knew when they were going to be at the house. It drove me insane because you can't plan with an erratic mess like that. Will the skids be here? Who knows! Depends on whichever way the wind blows and what sort of mood BM's in at the moment. DH let her just walk all over him, and it pissed me off SO bad. He was always just happy to have his kids, which I understand, but it's so unfair to the other adult. I was often left going "Ummm...HELLO! I'M your wife now, remember? Not her! Do you mind maybe letting me know before you and your ex go flipping the schedule upside down yet AGAIN?!"

The longer we were together, the more often these schedule changes happened, usually at BM's request. I honestly think she did it most of the time just to screw with DH and me. She knew he'd jump at the chance to have the skids any time, so last minute, she'd call him and then BAM, there they were at my door for an unexpected weekend.

It left me feeling like chopped liver, and the resentment that built over time was ultimately one of the things that ruined our marriage. Not the only thing, but one of the things.

If there's a schedule, they need to stick to it. Emergencies and extreme circumstances are one thing, but just flip-flopping it willy nilly? That shit needs to stop. It's not fair at all to you, and if I learned one thing from my failed marriage and part of a blended family, it's that you have to stick up for yourself. Make sure your SO doesn't forget that you matter, too, not just the kids. I think they take us stepmoms for granted and just assume we're okay with any and all schedule changes, and we'll always be there for them, happily putting up with whatever crap they sling our way. Speak up and let him know that you don't like it, and it's not fair to you. He won't like it, but he needs to know. If you never speak up, and then one day you blow up over it (which I actually did about two months before I moved out), he'll be all bewildered and wonder where it came from.

Long story short, they need to stick to the schedule. Otherwise, what's the point in having one?!

There is a magic word that will fix this. NO! NO! BM you cannot change the schedule.

DH needs to grow some man sack, roll up the CO, and smack the shit out of BM with it when she pulls this crap.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

Not allowing an X to fuck the visitation schedule is no missing a visitation. DH needs to take BM to court and smack the shit out of her in front of the Judge. Figurately of course... or literally if necessary. }:)