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YSD chose Mother's Day to try once again to start problems

Disillusioned's picture

So I wake us yesterday morning to DH saying "Happy Mother's Day Disillusioned" which is odd as DH doesn't usually acknowledge me on Mother's Day

He adds that when all these Covid lockdowns are done he is going to take me out

Again I'm like ???

Then he adds that YSD has something coming in the mail for me but that it won't arrive for Mother's Day, but that she's going to call me today and isn't that nice?

Ya, good one

Okay so at that point I figured that DH was just feeling bad because unlike just three weeks ago on his birthday not only did YSD arrange for a gigantic package to arrive for DH prior to his birthday - and make a really bid deal about how she would much rather it arrive early than after the fact - and a wonderul note about how much they love him and miss him and can't wait to see him when this is done yada yada, my "Mother's Day Gift" would of course not happen, at least on Mother's Day

Whatever, I not only wasn't expecting anything - at least anything sincere from her - but I really don't want anything from her so I was just fine with that

I can see right through her and figured she does what she always does. Goes out of her way to stick it to me, by doing what I'm sure she hoped would make me feel bad, or hurt, or angry but of course make herself appear to be just the opposite to DH: so concerned about the fact my gift wouldn't arrive on time that she had to text him (not me, the suppossed recipient you know the SM of course) but DH only. 

I'm sure she hoped I would be all disappointed and even complain about her, just so DH could get upset with me when all he would think is how his lovely daughter went out of her way to arrange sometthing for me and was even going to call me on Mother's Day

Wasn't worth starting an argument or ruining my day so when DH was rambling on about how nice is that Disillusioned? I simply said sure, that was great

Well, my instints were right and YSD had a whole lot more up her sleeve!

She then posts on FB for the whole world to see, about the "two Amazing ladies" in their life. How they simply just could never have done it without these "Momma's who they are so grateful to for everything". BM of cousre, and SD's MIL

Not one word about myself, her SM. Surprised? Not at all of course

The same SM that has been in her life since she was 11 or 12 (way longer than her MIL) The same SM who has done SO much for her over the years. The same SM she likes to make a big display for DH about just "love love loving" and has referred to on occasion as her "other momma" 

Well that post on FB which totally excluded me, That for sure is the real SD showing her colours. I'm sure her point was to humilate me. 100%

And I made sure to point that out to DH. Not for retaliation or to start a problem but simply because I am done playing her games. And I let DH know that while I will continue to be pleasant and non-confrontational with her (never going to sink to her level and even let on that she in any way could have ticked me off) I also wasn't playing along with her nonsense or encouraging her 

Of course she was sweet as pie on the call because she knew DH would be on it too and carried on like just the most wonderful person in the world. Has even sent texts to us today like she just looooves us/me to death - all for DH's sake

But DH is on to her too

She did then post a "Happy Mother's Day Disillusioned" post on FB well after the fact. Nothing about how amazing I am or how grateful she is to me and all the nonsense she wrote about a MIL I don't even think she likes very much. But did say on her post to me "Thanks for being you". 

I guess like always, she does soemthing nasty (aggresive) and then tries to "fix" it (cover it up and make herself look all innocent and good) so sends the after the fact message to me

Disillusioned's picture

Meant to add, this is why I am so happy I'm disengaged from her. And plan to keep it that way!

CLove's picture

Yeah, Nothing from either SD22 or Sd14, as per usual. Nothing from DH, either. It was his FRIEND who toasted me!!!!!

Thats fine. DH gives nothing for stepmothers day, he will get nothing from me on fathers day. Thats all going to be on the skiddos.

caninelover's picture

I say Happy Father's Day to SO but nothing else.  In the past Bratty always sent him a card and gift.  Last year she just sent a text as she was mad about moving out.  Not sure what she'll do this year.

CLove's picture

Well, there you go. 

In the past Ive purchased nice gifts for DH for fathers day (or reimbursed him after he purchased).

Im not going to do anything from here on out, if step mothers day cannot at least generate a "thank you for all you have done".

advice.only2's picture

We had Spawn full time and it was always forced interactions from her on that day and DH would go out of his way shoving her down my my throat.  It was a relief once she moved out and I didn't have to deal with that anymore...instead I just had to deal with pleasing my unpleasble mother. 

Rags's picture

Lather, rinse, repeat.

Those very few simple and powerful words shut down the overwhelming instances of bullshit and shuts up the lip service.

Even my pretty amazing SS-28 has to be prompted to follow through on the things he says he is going to do. For example... I IM'd him yesterday AM reminding him that he should call his mom and wish her a HMD.

Disillusioned's picture

Boy you said it Rags. That's how I feel too. I used to buy into YSD's lip service, unitl I figured out it was allf for show so she looked innocent and wonderful to DH. 

I was often confused by her attitude (apathy) towards me, lack of appreciation at times, and most obvious the snubs and tactics to alienate. 

Have desire for any sort of retaliation or need to return her behaviour in kind or course, I choose to simply ignore all the nonsense from her. 

I will be polite and continue and show class, but I'm not buying into her crap any longer. 

KC is not the stepmother's picture

When that gift never shows up will you ask DH to follow up with YSD?  I would, just to make him squirm.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Yes, please do this! There was a member several years ago who did something similar, and her updates were so fun. She had an adult SD who came to their home for Christmas with presents for everyone except SM. To his credit, the dad asked his daughter where SM's present was.  Put on the spot, the SD claimed she'd forgotten it but would bring it next time. She didn't - oops, forgot it again. So the SM and her DH made it a point to bring up the present EACH AND EVERY time they saw/spoke with SD. "Hey SD, don't forget SM's present when you come back!" The way they held her accountable and made fun of her while showing they weren't buying the b. s. was great.

Disillusioned's picture

Hilariously KC, DH went out and checked the mail yesterday and again today. I know he's anxious for her package to arrive in the mail as she told him it would. DH so wants to be able to say "see!" "that was so sweet of SD" "she really does care about you" yada yada

But he can't erase the post she put on FB, and anytime he starts to doubt that maybe I'm the one with the problem, he just has to have a look at what she wrote on Mother's Day (or didn't where I'm concerned LOL) that should say. But there are two lovely pictures of SGD with her two Grandmas and the only ones that truly matter: Bm and SD's MIL....

I'm actually glad that YSD did that. If either DH or myself ever wonder if maybe she does value me and truly think of me as her "other mother" as she likes proclaim, or Grandmother to her children as she has them call me, again we just need to look at what she posted on FB on Mother's Day and well, that says it all

Stepdrama2020's picture

What a flicking B!

They never stop or tire of their games.

Yea her gift wasnt late "Happy SM to a flucking B Day  " is every day. So theres that. 

Disillusioned's picture

What amazes me Stepdrama is even when we SM's are NOT looking for drama or trouble or anything, not even a Mother's Day wish or Thank you but simply to get along and not have conflict, then these women we call our SD's seem to go out of their way to cause drama, hurt, humiliation

Best response is not to give it to them any indication they had any effect like that 

Ignore the BS. Carry on with class. Maybe one day they will get it

SeeYouNever's picture

My sd12 is similar. Everything she does is just a show for DH and his family. They both fall for it but my DH is beginning to get wise to her act. She did not do anything for mother's Day for me though I didn't expect it. I also fully expect that she won't do anything for Father's Day. If anything at all it will be a phone call that is less than 60 seconds wishing him Happy Father's Day and saying that she misses him. She must really miss him if she only talks to him on holidays. Roll my eyes...

My SD does not have a Facebook that I'm aware of so she doesn't really have the public social media yet. I'm not looking forward to when she's older because I fully expect it will be something like what you experience. Try not to be annoyed this kind of thing is confirmation that disengaging was the right choice. 

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Amazon often delivers my purchases next day. Point being, if YSD actually wanted to give you a present, it would be there by now. In overplaying her hand she's given you a REAL gift: she showed her ass in a manner her dad can't ignore. I hope they both feel uncomfortable right now.

As for the poster I spoke of, I don't remember how her situation resolved. She was lucky in that her H saw his daughter's behavior, warts and all.

Disillusioned's picture

hahaha Exjulie! You are so correct. 

...a card finally came a week later with a $50 gift card, she signed with an XO (no "Love SD") I noticed

I wasn't expecting and definately not wanting anything at all, but she sure makes a point of treating her parents and even her inlaws (including the ones she doesn't appear to like much) better than her SM! 

Whatever. I sent her a text on the same text channel she uses when she writes something to me but wants to make sure it's for DH's eyes. 

I was totally polite, appreciative and upbeat. Without a hint of an "XO" let alone "Love you". Not in relatiation. Simply because it's phony and false and how I responded was nice enough. 

At least for DH LOL 

And she continued with the "sooooo sorry it was late Disilliusioned, that was totally my fault" yada yada, and of course unlike her card, all sorts of hearts and sweetness

DH is on to her, so she can play it up to her hearts content 

 

 

Harry's picture

I would not care about a gift from SD.  I would put it in a corner of the living room and not open it.  Showing that you don't want it. Don't care.  Saying G that nice then into the corner.  
It can remind you why you are disengage 

Rags's picture

The grand gesture is not an unusual action from toxic people who are wanting to periodically improve their stock with their victim pool or make their target bioparent happy and proud.  

Nothing, nothing, nothing..... boom!  The big lip service campaign or an actual over the top gift, dinner, etc, etc, etc....

The partner who is cringing that their kid has been toxic explodes in smiles and "I told you so"s and the usual victim just rolls their eyes and ticks the mental calendar on the start of their partner amping up the "he/she is so sweet" and "see, he/she loves  you" bullshit.  

An intermittent and periodic grand gesture does not a change of behavior make.

The victim SP needs to stay on that message with their mate.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

MissTexas's picture

I used to go out of my way to buy things for DH's adult wealthy SK's "from him" but after being treated lower than the hired help would be, I also bowed out of the endless mind manipulation BS.

I'll never forget, "we" had purchased gifts for SD, and much to her humiliation she came "empty handed" which almost never happened, as she had to show daddee what a good girl she was. She flat out lied, and told us our "gift" was on the way, then she quietly ordered some stupid magazine subscription in JANUARY. When the renewal letter came the following JANUARY, I promptly forwarded it to her address, with a handwritten note on the envelope"Christmas is December 25th in the real world, not January." Silence, and no more "gifts" of any type since then. She knew we were onto her BS, and to a narc, appearances ARE EVERYTHING.

It's really an aggravation none of us need, so like I said, you're wise to take yourself out of the game in which you've been a pawn, like many of us have been.

SacrificialLamb's picture

I recently saw YSD on a trip up north. She only showed up because she wanted to check out my DS28's soon-to-be fiance. She acted so so sweet, but there was one point where I mentioned DH and I being married almost 20 years. YSD visibly cringed. Cracked me up.

Your YSD is a lot like mine, wants to look like an angel to her daddy while sticking a dagger in my back. I completely ignore it.   I have a busy, happy, successful life that they are jealous of.   YSD is successful, but resents any form of success in others. That's a miserable way to live.

Dh hardly ever talks to anyone in his family so I really don't have anything to point out at this moment.  Let his darlings try to come up with ways to get at me and fall flat on their faces. 

Bottom line is I won, and I continue to win.  I didn't want it to be this way, but they they wanted it to be me vs them. In the end, they lost.