Responding to her texts
I have had it with this woman! 34 SD! She is so over worked (she does nothing!) and living in the big city is causing her such stress. She CHOSE to live in NYC because she has another one of her pipe dreams! She has no job but was just dying to live in the big city and we are supporting her! Now she uses it every chance she gets as a weapon.."I need to get out of this cold dreary place! I need to be close to nature, blah blah wahhhh!!
Over easter she demands AGAIN to come to our home and hang out. Now mind you she was here over TG AND Christmas and has been hitting us up for a trip every month since! ALL EXPENSES paid by us OF COURSE! When H told her, Wife and I have plans to go to the beach and see a band we like, SD34 melted down YET again! Same old crap! "oh great, I get to stay home another holiday, I want to go to the beach too (like she deserves everything that his wife gets!)
She goes on, "You are running out of time to be a father! I am going to disown you! I am sick of being alone for the holidays" (even though she was with us TG and Christmas)
So last week I threw this out there,
why don't I go out of town to watch our team play baseball with my daughter (who is a huge fan), and you have her down while Im gone?
Well he jumped on that! He finally had a way to pacify this beast and get rid of me...EVEN THOUGH>>>>>>>>>>>>>>he is a BIGGER fan of the team than I am!!! He gave up going with his wife to see his favorite team so he could pacify this big ass baby!!! Now y'all know how starved us sports fans are for live events! This was the first time in over a year we could go see a live game! How on earth could he miss it? BUT for her??? He did! Well not only was it a great time at the old ball game, our team that we have both been fans of for over 50 years pitched a no hitter first time in their history and HE MISSED IT for her sorry butt! He never once said, I wish I went instead of staying home with beast face! Nope, no regrets! How? Its not like he hasnt seen her in years! Its only been 3 months! yet he missed the epic game of our lives to prevent her from weaponizing their relationship!
So anyway, after she leaves she texts me,
Sorry I missed you! heard you saw **** first ever no-hitter, hope you had a nice trip! Threw my towels in the washer but forgot to strip my bed" (embarrassed face)
yea she "forgot" I hate when she pulls this crap of "Oh I would have BUT"
BUT YOU DIDNT! Words are meaningless. but this is her way, she thinks,,,of being a good guy because she WOULD have, if only she did not forget!
Look I don't really care if she strips her bed...I just hate to be conned like Im stupid! I'd rather she say nothing.
But so my point is, what is my answer to this?
"Im glad you had fun"
IM NOT!
Im pissed off that she conned my H into missing the game of a lifetime! Of missing a great life moment with his WIFE where he belonged and instead spent it with a nasty B*** who should have a life of her own instead of forcing herself into our life!
So should I say,,,
Im sorry I missed you?
" IM NOT!"
So I said nothing....then a day later I see she texts him and says, "I texted Loo and she never responded, did she make it home ok?"
OMG>> BULL Crap! Spare me the fake concern! She did not give a rats butt if I made it home and Im sure she would have heard if I didnt!
NO she wants to call me out to daddy, that I didn't answer her and how rude I am! She made sure he knew that!
What was I supposed to say to her anyway??? I am still considering saying I missed her text but then what? I don't even want to fake a friendship with this big BULLY! That is what she is...she is a bully! I am sick of her bully tactics! Why should I pretend to like her???
I think it is time she figures it out! What do I have to lose? She might not come back ? GOOD!!!
I guess at the very least you
I guess at the very least you learned a valuable lesson. Don't offer something if you don't intend for it to happen.
I mean, was this some kind of double secret test that you created for him? He can't read minds.. he can't know that your generous offer wasn't genuine.
(to be fair, I do this to my husband all the time.. offer him the last bite of my food or whatever then get a hurt look and tell him I can't believe he ate the last bite..it's a joke..haha)
I mean.. I get it.. the girl is a pain.. and I would be pretty over supporting a full grown woman with no job who then whines about wanting to come home constantly.
I would have probably replied to the text. A simple "please text your dad so he can take care of the bed" No "niceties".. just a simple non emotional response.
It didnt upset me
that he did not go. Of course none of us knew it would be an epic game however, i wanted to place him in a situation to choose. He needed to be able to make a choice and to prove to me once and for all, that appeasing his daughter was more important than making memories with his wife in our golden years. But I knew what he would do, it just reinforced the fact that this is a sham marriage and she is the boss, she is a bully! She had no remorse that she was the reason he missed the game because she shamed him into choosing to be with her. If I am upset, it is with her for being such a jerk but this was actually a good thing...to help me see where his priorities lie and just how important it is to him to keep her in his life despite all the misery she brings to our happy home.
You gave him a test and he
You gave him a test and he failed. You may be assigning more "meaning" to his choice than there was... or not. How will his failure in this test change your lives? Do you intend to divorce him? It's not helpful to just fill our pitchers with resentment unless we are planning to do something about it. How will you live your life differently now that you know that he wants to spend time with his daughter? (and there is always the thought that he feels he spends "every day" with you.. but doesn't currently have as many chances with her.. so grabs them when they come along?) It might not be as telling as you think. But, if you are truly unhappy with how he treats you.. then you need to do what makes you happy.
yes, it is true
I have chosen to leave. I am in a waiting game with the sale of our business and in discussions with attorneys. Tomorrow is a big day where I will know how to proceed.
There is no hope for us as long as she is in the picture. She has not been exactly secretive about being in this for her "share" of what she thinks she is entitled to. The bottom line is that she scares me! Her entitlement attitude that what we have should be hers coupled with the power she has over her father is a frightening thing to behold. This latest stunt just validates my fears! he will do ANYTHING to please her. He not only has chosen to spend time with her vs me, he is now in what most would observe as an emotionally incestuous relationship with her! If it were not his daughter it would seem like an affair! Constant texts. I have no privacy at all. She knows every move we make, where we go, where we eat, when and even pictures of WHAT we eat! Her replies? When are you taking ME there? Its all about having what I have with her! She will not rest until she does! How he does not see this even though I point it out all the time, he is just happy for her constant attention, no matter the cost!
I hope you can have some
I hope you can have some peace and happiness moving forward. I know my DH and his kids.. especially my YSD keep in a lot of contact.. and she knows a lot about what we are doing.. but we are both close with her and she doesn't expect him to bankroll her adult life. I would be frustrated if my husband was sending his adult children money especially significant amounts without my consent or agreement... that is for sure. But, certainly, the balance of your relationship with him must not be good for you to feel that this is the only option... I hope you find that it makes you happier than your current situation.
She IS
The other woman, it IS an affair (he gives her his emotional attention not you etc) even though she's his dd. Mine were so emotionally incestuous that they took it to the next level. I caught them 2 times in our bedroom. It happens. Most affairs start emotionally.
She sounds bossy; like a jerk
She sounds bossy; like a jerk, and a bully, but guess who enabled her to be that way??? This is hands down DH's doing. If he had ever treated her like an actual daughter rather than his mini partner she would have healthier boundaries in place. I'm sorry you've had to deal with this. There's no way to have a healthy marriage with a grown skid dictating your husbands every move.
Relate
While my situation is completely different, I can relate with how you feel "side-steppes" because of the SD. I feel cheated constantly because it seems that her needs/wants always come first.... and those of her children. I am all in favor of supporting, loving, spending time with, and more, etc..... However, it is also critical that we have our own personal space and time and special times to grow our relationship as well.... Our time for that becomes limited.... and it is frustrating.
seriously...do not touch those sheets
yuck!
I wouldn't respond or touch those sheets...
they both likely slept on those sheets and in her sick mind would want you to touch them, even to finish the wash.
exH would wash the sheets on HIS bed when DaughterWife was on the road to see him on weekends that he didn't visit me. He was stupid enough to happily announce to me that he did this. WTF? I avoided going to his place and on the very few occaions when I did make the 3 hour drive, he NEVER washed his sheets...not for me.
If you have to respond to a text, just put 'ok' and leave it there...
Freedom is getting closer...
My reply would be.... "Sorry
My reply would be.... "Sorry I missed you. I'm sorry your dad had to miss such an awesome game!"
You're An Adult, and You Respond (or not) to WHOM YOU WISH
This is a no win situation, unfortunately.
I'm sorry your DH chose to spend it with her and "Jumped" at the opportunity to do so.
Yes. you're correct. Her feigned concern, was just that; trying to look good in daddy's eyes to show daddy through her manipulation that she can play nice. Been there...she deserves NO RESPONSE, and certainly not in any text or any medium preservable for posterity and future use against you. Some communications just must go unanswered.