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I am weakening

Newimprvmodel's picture

DH has not yet seen his only grandchild who is a few years old. They live on the other coast and without rehashing everything the daughters were severely alienated from my DH.  They refused to attend our wedding years ago and during the pandemic I made a big push to forge a relationship?   It didn't work and even the offer of several plane tickets for her whole family didn't entice her to visit. And what was the final straw was no invite to grandchild's first birthday which was a big party.  So I've told DH I'm out of it. No more gifts bought. Apparently the sister is pushing DH to fly there. Interesting dynamics of the sisters.  The youngest is the co dependent to the oldest who really has not invited DH which is why he has not yet flown there. So now he is dragging his feet. I can tell he feels uncomfortable.  Should I go with him?  I know. I know.  And he has accepted I'm out of the loop. 

Aniki-Moderator's picture

You could go with him and do your own thing while he kowtows to the female toxins. *unknw*

Newimprvmodel's picture

I think in my DH's eyes I would be the bad guy. Better to stay home. He has accepted that I think. 

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Then it IS better for you to stay home. Saves money and you don't have to be near that toxic crap cake. 

When the SDs were step PAS'd, my DH usually met them somewhere. The couple of times they came to our home, I was working or made plans to be gone.

ESMOD's picture

Let him go on his own.. set boundaries on spending if you feel you need to.  these women can be pretty  much a non-issue for you.. they are not local.. they are not inclined to visit you.. let him go once a year to see them.. have what relationship he can and let it go.. 

Newimprvmodel's picture

DH has accepted that I have tried.  I am not stopping him at all. And likely I will book the trip because that is what I do. Lol. DH never plans anything and would be content to never go anywhere.  But that's him. Over the years I have realized he is a gem. Especially with my own crazy family.  

CajunMom's picture

While DH is not alienated from his kids, I am. Many years of toxic behaviors towards me have me disengaged from DHs kids. I have not seen them in 4+ years, soon nearing 5. The majority of his kids have migrated to another state, requiring flying for a visit. DH goes alone. I use that as my week to do "my thing." While it grieves DH greatly that I don't fly out with him, I don't feel guilty and I surely don't miss out on anything. Why would I want to step into a snake pit?

Until I see changed behavior towards me, things will stay as is. And when DH is unable to do those long trips alone (which will be sooner than later), then they can fly here to see him. Avoiding them here will be super easy. I have a busy full life. 

With that said, stand your ground. Stay home. Enjoy your time.

CLove's picture

More reasons for you NOT to go than go.

dandelion wishes's picture

More reasons for you NOT to go than go.  "THIS!"

Also you would book the trip for him?  So if you didn't book the trip, he wouldn't go? If he really wanted to go, wouldn't he book the trip himself? I'm new here so maybe I don't know the back story with all of this....but if he doesn't seem to want to go and they have been offered tickets to come your way in the past, why should he go?  Because the sisters are pressing him?

Rags's picture

Be radiant, be happily on your DH's arm, and when they scowl, beam in their faces and drop them a straight and immediate "Bless your sweet little hearts."

Lather, rinse, repeat.

An invitation to a spouse is an invitation for both.  Do not let their self delusion and stench stand.  Your DH should join and the two of you enjoy rubbing their noses in their characterless stench while figuratively swatting them repeatedly on the ass.  Your radiant and confident presence as a couple will do that just about right IMHO.