I could have written this very post myself, we have been thru the exact same thing with SS. He has made a choice, he is the one that has to work out his issues. They have come to conclusions of their own, who knows how or why but there is not one thing we can do as long as they choose to be angry and hateful towards us.

My SS went on and on with hateful emails for severals months, I only got involved in 1 or 2 of the emails and then I stopped answering and being part of it. He obviously was not listening to me/us and he obviously had no intent on working towards anykind of resolve. He feels he is all knowing and he knows more than us.....I stepped away, his dad still kept trying and then SS finally told his dad that he wanted nothing more to do with either of us, said his daughtr would only know one set of grandparents.....this was this past Feb and have not heard a word since.

For me it is a relief. SS's mom abandoned the boys when the were 2 & 4. Husband had custody, I met them 3 years after husband divorced his first wife. I raised these boys as my own. I know my husband is more forgiving but I am done. This kid did alot of damage with his mouth. He is being extremely selfish to not allow his father the chance to be a grandparent to his daughter but those are all choices he made and he will have to live with. If he has a conscience maybe that will bother him but something tells me he feels he is in his rights and is justified in his actions.

YOU HAVE TO MOVE ON FOR YOURSELF.

I agree that you need to move on, actually you might find that things improve once you stop allowing his negativity to impact you. He's possibly doing it because of proximity and being encuraged by his mother. Once there is no more proximity and you make the statement of moving away, huge statemtent incidentally, and getting on with your own lives he'll feel left out and want to suck back up again, I call BS on that one! Let him make his own mistakes, you have not lost the grand kids, they probably do not even know who you are yet and there will be time to get to know them soon enough.
I am not saying kill a fatted calf and prepare a feast but if he does say he wants to bring the kids to visit then make him welcome but on YOUR terms!
It will go sour where they are at, they'll be back!

Write them off and move on with your life. They have shown you who they are, believe them.

The grandkids do know her and her DH. Are u kidding me? My 3yr old and 1yr old just hear Papa's voice and they go bonkers!!! I'm so sorry. This must be killing u guys. My dad would just die if I did this to him. I hope everything works out for you. Your SS is a loser and he needs a wake up call. Takes your money, your kindness, your love, ect and spits in your face. And has the nerve to use the grandkids against you like that... Just think tho... It's better to happen now than when the kids are 10 and it hurts them as well as u.. Make sure to always send cards and presents that way when they get older you guys can say you loved them and wanted them more than anything but their daddy wouldn't let u be in their lives. Hopefully this crap with SS doesn't last that long but u never know with a heartless selfish jerk that him... So much for putting your kids first huh? Doesn't he know that this is hurting his daughter? Ugh I could just smack him!! Lol.

I don't have any suggestions about turning your asshole of a SS into a decent guy.

But my suggestion would be to make a scrapbook for both grandkids. In it put little photos, maybe cards or letters you write to them. Just so they know you never forgot about them and you never stopped loving them even when you couldn't see them.

This is the view my husband and I have taken with all these children - we have 8 combined - it's our time now - the grandkids will seek us out one day if they want a relationship with us - if not -that's ok - we only have about 20-25 years left TOGETHER - we did a good job with them ALL - they are all healthy, educated, straight teeth and now have to form their own values, make their own mistakes and manipulate someone else with their irresponsibilities - we will not resucue them but instead we are going to take a trip to Itlay and send them all post cards : ) We are not spending Thanksgiving or X-mas with the emotionally selfish, we are spending a sweet quiet time together and relax. They will all get a phone call wishing them happiness for the day and "i love you". That's it, that's enough. If a adult child is putting a guilt trip on you, don't let them it only feed the fire. They don't love YOU if they are doing that, they love themselves and will have to figure it our on their own. Don't get dragged into that childishness. Our job is done and their children are theirs to raise. Period. So have a great holiday. Set new boundries and enjoy your mates. Happy Thanksgiving!! LOL

Thanks goforit I agree about the swimming too. They had it so easy. I think that's why they are REALLY mad. They have to work for it now and WE made it LOOK easy. To BAD!!!! Get over it and DO YOUR JOB!!! That's all I have to say to any of them. My job is done!!! I am going to enjoy my LIFE : ) LOL to all the people on this site. I think it's great.

jcwtalley - my heart goes out to you I know exactly how you feel. We were not able to see 2 of our gkids for about 11 months since my SS got into a big fight with me while they lived with us (for 7 months) and would not allow us and then only me to see them. It was the longest 11 months of my life. We missed them at Thanksgiving and X-mas last year and were not invited to either of their birthday parties It was heartbreaking for us. Fortunately, my SS has grown up and realized how much he has hurt us and ME and we are back in their lives and we get to see the gkids every Sunday at church and we are so, so thankful for that. So I agree with all who say go ahead and live your life and try not think about missing the gkids too much (I know it can't be helped) and I believe that you will eventually see them again and be a part of the gkids lives. Besides it really is the only choice you have until your SS and his wife grow up. I can tell you this that even tho the gkids are young they WILL remember you and it will help the connection to send them letters, cards and gifts if you want. The connection with them will be there regardless of not seeing them.

Thank you all for such good advice and positive attitudes! We hope and pray that the grandkids will make their own decisions and one day be a part of our lives. Fortunately, everything is good with the SS and his kids. We also hope that someday, whenever that is, the SD will grow up and realize she's hurting her kids by what she's doing and saying to them. I've personally never met a more selfish (take-take-take, you owe me & I'm entitled) ungrateful person in my life, but I do hope she grows up. Meanwhile, DH & I can't let that mess come between us. He's fed up with it, thankfully. Thanks again all!