falsely accused of child abuse, not sure what to do
A little background info:
My ex husband and I have been divorced for almost 5 years. Our divorce contract is terrible. It only says we have 50/50 custody, but no info on how the split is ACTUALLY split, only that he has him half time and I have half time, no other specifics.
He's always been very controlling and manulative. He's used our 5 year old son as leverage to get his way by threatening to keep him from me. I've picked up my son from his dad's house and my son has said things like "Daddy has a new nickname for you but i'm not allowed to tell you what it is!" or "daddy says I need to stay with him more than you!". It breaks my heart but I know he's still a child and very impressionable. He's told me that my son is better off with him than me because he's remarried and he can provide the "stable" environment that a kid needs and theres nothing that I can provide for the child that his new wife can't. I've been ignoring it so far, but i've finally reached my breaking point...
While I was at work yesterday I get a call from a friend saying that there were cops at my house. I left work and come home to find out that he has reported me for child abuse. Apparently my son told his dad that I "beat him with a boat paddle and a wooden spoon" and that my boyfriend slaps him. His dad told the police that when he picked him up from my house on Sunday that he had a giant gash on his face and my son told his dad that my boyfriend did it to him. So i've spend the past two days dealing with child protective services and sherrifs being in my home and doing interviews.
Lucky for me I had taken my son out for the day before his dad picked him up and I had pictures from our outting showing that he had no marks at all on his face (pics were time and date stamped), which I showed to CPS and the sheriffs. The investigating sheriff called me this morning and told me he was closing the case on their end because there is no substantial evidence of abuse. I spoke with CPS and they said they are going to keep the case open for at least 60 days.
I'm at a loss. I feel so broken and lost with this whole thing. I firmly believe that my son was coached into saying all of those things. I would never and have never hit my child. The fact that now I have to prove to law enforcement that i'm a good mom and would never hurt my child has really shaken me to the core.
Our whole relationship he had control of me and now even after we've seperated it feels like he's still finding ways to gain control and make his presence known in my life. I had already hired a lawyer and was ready to fiile papers amending the custody agreement to make it more concreat (with actual times and days that we trade off, what school district he should be in, etc... NONE of that is in the original paperwork). But now i'm not sure what to do. I don't know if me taking him back to court with child abuse accusations on me that the court would even swing in my favor. I'm scared that i'll lose completely and i'll never see my baby again. I don't want to put myself in a position to lose custody to this manipulative jerk. I know my truths, but the "justice" system has failed me before.
Has any other mom (or even dad) had to deal with something like this? I was feeling empowered and ready to go back to court to amend our custody agreement but now i'm just feeling defeated before it even started.
Sorry for such a long post. I've been a long time 'lurker' here and I fianlly feel like I need to reach out for some advice or support.
Just wanted to add that i'll
Just wanted to add that i'll probably delete this before the day is over. My exhusband has hacked my social media before and posted things and changed my password. The last thing I need is him finding this site too.
A Lawyer will be the only one
A Lawyer will be the only one who can help you right now. You need to get custody written out to the letter, You should also check into slander or some other charge about filing a false claim and trying to alienate your child against you. So sorry this has happened but you need real legal advice.
Living this now. Been living
Living this now. Been living it for 4 years....BM is vicious against me. Everyone including her family have come up against me.
The first go around Dh had already asked for a CE as part of his custody application (what started the accusations). Through that year it was one and off...in the end the CE (custody Eval) came back with nothing.
AS of late, her terror seems to have been triggered by our impending trip witht eh SKs to California. Over the last few months its been building right up to as recent as yesterday how "fearful" and afraid these "children" are (cough 13/14 yr olds). Fortunately as part of everythign that happened Dh and his BM have a mediator assigned full time - hes been "handling" it, albeit not well, but at least hes a (court appointed) voice of reason and is making the attempts (Cough evidence she wont even comply with a court appointed person).
It hurts, deep. I have been lucky, in that no one ever believed her. But it doesn't matter, she believes her and because of that shes withholding my DH kids as we speak...literal DAYS before our trip - refusing access.
Get a lawyer - its time to make some changes. Look at options that people have used - I am a HUGE fan of the assigned mediator/parenting coordinator, and also of specified contact such as OFW, or Email.
AND as hard as it is, as much as it hurts - DO NOT REACT. One things BM never got out of me was an email, message, affidavit, ....reaction. Nothing. I sat back and let the professionals see the truth. And they did/do.
Just stay calm, stick to the
Just stay calm, stick to the truth and let them paint a picture of exactly who is the crazy vindictive one...and they will. My ex is crazy, he has reported me to immigration (I am from another country), reported I am human trafficking, claimed I am running a prostitution ring...the list goes on. He has claimed BM2's husband sexually abused the kids (I am BM3 and he does this crap to all of us!).
He is also just creepy, if he feels we are not paying him attention (positive or negative) he will invent situations, he is like a serial killer and must have a room of "trophies" and when he feels we are moving on too much, suddenly he will hand over something (last week I got a few shirts of mine - 2 years after I left, BM2 got some family photos from the 90's - 8 years later!, seriously he must have a stash somewhere!).
At my BS7's music concert this week, even though the room was 2/3 full, he and his GF stood right behind me. Luckily a friend (a fellow mom) noticed and made an excuse to switch seats with me. Then the GF started talking loudly about my outfit/hair etc. What is funny is the next day I met with BS7's counselor who said GF is extremely jealous of me, and cannot stand the fact I am single and, in her words, significantly above the GF in terms of cuteness, classiness and intelligence, the GF constantly talks about me being older (I am 13 years older than her) but realistically I look younger than her!
Eventually the authorities, the people who matter and the kids should see what is happening. My BS7 is far happier and more comfortable with me, because I just try and maintain a stable environment and do not question him. He will trot out his dad's lines occasionally, but usually follows up with "or is that just x,y,z using their imaginations again?" his way of saying he does not believe it, but does not want to call his dad a liar.
You have the Sheriff's office
You have the Sheriff's office saying they are closing the case in regards to the "abuse". This means that there is obviously no evidence that you have in any way abused your child. Sure, the a**hole is going to try to claim this in court, but the judge is going to ask for evidence, like pictures, that you ex can't bring. Get a lawyer.
The BM in my relationship has claimed that I have molested SD, have beat her, and have many plans to kidnap the child and never give her back. In every situation, a judge has demanded proof of every allegation.
OK you got good advise
OK you got good advise above:
Get a specific order of who gets the boy and when. Normally its one week with you and one week with Daddy Devil. Best way to start a new week is for one parent to drop the kid off at school and the other to pick him up after school but it can be any day and time. Sunday night for instance you go get the kid. Next Sunday he comes and gets the kid. Specify vacation schedules and holidays. Boys birthday is with the parent of a normally scheduled week. If Devil tries to start a argument just let him blow hot air and take the kid and walk away silently.
Stick to the order to the minute. Don't allow him extra or switched days and ask for none.
Ask for a generic order stating that neither parent will speak ill of the other parent nor will either parent try to convince the boy that he should live with them exclusively. Your attorney will know how to word it.
No communication with him except in emergencies such as hospital or new or changed medications because of a doctors visit. Stick to the court order of weekly custody and nobody need to tell anyone.
Thank you all so much for the
Thank you all so much for the advice!! I have a meeting with my lawyer on Wednesday afternoon. Part of me is still VERY nervous about going back to court with this jerk, but I know it's the best thing to do and i'll never know the end result unless I do it. So here we go!