Why Is SD6 Terrified Of Me?
I am so glad I found this site. I do not really have anyone to talk to about these types of issues.
My situation is this, quickly:
I met my husband over two years ago. He has a SD who at first, was my bestest friend. At the time, she was barely 4 years old and I was always "just me". I never made nor wanted her to call me mommy and we just hung out together and were very close.
DH and BM are in ww3 over this kid though. The BM uses the kid like a pawn. It's sad.(for the kid)
Lately, as in the last 4 months or so, everytime SD6 comes over, it's like she is looking at me as the devil himself, will not even say "hi" :?
My husband tried to "tell" her to greet me and give me a hug but I can tell she does not want to do such. I told DH not to force her to do anything with me and he looks sad about all of it.
SD6 clings to pops day and night but now looks at me as if I am a danger or something. It is strange, sd6 will be like an infant around dad and use him up, }:) but looks at me like I am a monster.
What is going on? I have never done anything to any of them. Always civil.
Thanks!
I will bet BM is telling SD
I will bet BM is telling SD you are nasty and evil. DH needs to spend some time with her and ask what she is worried about - what she thinks you might do.
Only then you can both work at reassuring her.
Thanks for the reply! Husband
Thanks for the reply!
Husband has tried many times to talk to her and she will not answer?
I agree with kiwihelen. DH
I agree with kiwihelen. DH needs to figure out what she is thinking and works out the 'fears' or attitude that is going on.
I would do what you are doing...not forcing SD to hug you, but it is your house. She needs to learn respect to her elders. SD can't pout her way through life.
I think honestly that her mom
I think honestly that her mom has says some really bad things about me.
I have come to learn that I am the root of all of their past troubles, including the divorce that I was not even around for.
SD6 will only mutter,
"I don't know" when my husband tries to talk to her.
Yes, it pisses me off in my own house all of this "poor pitiful me" crap. My husband grows tired of being used by a 6 year old.
I feel like saying, "Listen Kiddo, life ain't fair now get over yourself and move on. Most of us have been through a divorce, including me."
I never recieved special treatment though.
Has BM not moved on herself?
Has BM not moved on herself? Remarried?
There is talking to and
There is talking to and talking to when it comes to 6 years old kids. If he can sit alongside her while she plays dolls sometime and watch/participate, then ask questions gently like "I get the feeling you are really worried when you are around ...can you tell me what you are worried she will do?"
Asking in a matter of fact way, and not pressing if she doesn't respond but trying again at another time, rather than forcing the issue. It might take 6 or more attempts over six or so visits. BM will have told her she can't say what is the problem, so DH will have to gain her trust.
I gave simiar advice to my SO as he tried to work out what his 10 year old was being told by the BM about divorce...turned out that she was telling her porkies about the fact that she would have to chose between living with one of the parents, and that she loved Daddy and still wanted to be married, so Daddy was obviously bad and the daughter was better off with Mommy.
Yep, Mommy loves Daddy enough to hit him, spend more money than he earns, and make no attempt to look for employment in the 6 years since the girls have been at school.
Since he has explained that he wants to have week about custody, that he had tried staying married to Mommy, but he had stopped being able to love her in the way she wanted, but that was sad not bad, and that although he would be sad if she didn't want to live with him half the time, she could tell the children's advocate exactly what she wanted, then things have been so much more restful and settled.
Hope this helps
No, BM has never even dated
No, BM has never even dated since? :jawdrop:
My husband is kind of a soft spoken type who has tried on every visitation to participate and talk alone with SD6 about the issues. SD6 just gets this dumb look he tells me and says, (as if this is possible) "I don't know" "I don't remember."
What does that have to do with anything? I think the kid just views me as an obstacle to mommy and daddy. Well, daddy stayed with mommy despite the fact that she was stealing monies and putting them in a secret account.
Being a 2nd wife stinks sometimes. I used to be very proud and wanted NOTHING that belonged to the two of them in their pathetic marriage. I'd rather get my own new stuff.
You can only try so much with some of these kids then sit back and let the chips fall.
I know how your feeling!! SD6
I know how your feeling!!
SD6 is always the first to run up to me and hug me and then say hi to her dad. I got into an argument with BM and it was her weekend with the kids.. Next Day we went to a baseball game for SS8 and SD6 ran up to her dad gave him a hug and then turned around and ran back to BM. No Hi or anything to me. I was CRUSHED. I was MAD. I wanted to disapear! BM is a worthless woman. No job, lives with parents, takes her methadone and dones nothing!! I felt unapreciated! I was mad at SD6 and wanted nothing to do with her. Its hard cause you love them and you cant really blame them cause they are being brain washed. Its a shitty situation. Always getting the short end of the stick.
When we got them back she ran up to me like normal. Think its just a front for her mom. Not sure. I wish you luck. Hopefully she will see through her mom. Thats what im waiting for.