I usually try to take a step back and focus more on myself. I don't neglect my husband, kids or step kids by any means but I don't go out of my way to do extras or I ask him to handle more around the house or with the kids.

I vowed this year to focus on me first. I'm going back to school and that's been exhausting in itself. I can see my husband getting frustrated and sometimes I feel like he's jealous of me but whatever. I'm tired of being in a funk and not doing anything with my life.

How old is the SD? Yes, the first year is definitely the year of the most transitions. My advice to you - help raise your SD from behind your DH - meaning do not take on more than what you are capable or entitled to do. The first year I was married to DH I tried to take on that "mom role" and it bit me in the butt - big time! I was exhausted - I actually went to the doctor for a sleep aid and meds that would keep me from knocking their heads together. And I was a pretty mellow, mild mannered, easy going woman before that. Long story short - being a step and trying to do too much will change you, change who you are - IF YOU DON'T LEARN TO TAKE TIME OUT AND DO SOMETHING FOR YOURSELF!

When I need a time out I usually will make plans with a friend to have lunch, go shopping by yourself or with another, send the skids away to grandmas for the night, get a good book and actually read it!, veg out with some good movies and your favorite drink and snacks, get your nails or hair done - whatever it is make sure it is all for YOU alone.

My best advice and something I learned that first year - take care of yourself because no body else will. Even if your DH is heaven sent and attentive to your every need - even he cannot take care of you like you can. (((hugs)))

Take myself out to dinner, go to a yoga class, take out a book and go to bedroom to read alone, get a facial, meet up with friends for an evening.

The best thing I found was meeting up with friends or getting extra excercise.

I told DH today I am just tired. I'm not unhappy and I love our life together but there's just something that's not right. I told him I was going on a wilderness retreat next month for fun and I'm joining a gym with a pool so I can start getting back into shape. I think I have so much on my mind I'm creating my own rain cloud. I love working out but rarely have time with BS1 and SS5's activities but these past two weeks I've been bringing him to swim lessons at a gym and now I want to try it out for myself.

retail therapy! really. i also just sit back and watch everyone make a mess of their lives.

You won't get back to what "used to be". You will just create what "will be". You sound young and change is a part of life. You probably know this, but you have to remind yourself.

You are the only one that can re-prioritize your life. Start with simple things, like letting the dishes go for a few minutes and have a relaxing cup of tea, or whatever it takes to give yourself a short down time. Have your DH and SD help out and give you a break.

Let the past be the past and move forward; you cannot relive the past and it will never be what it was. I have had a divorce, I have a disabled DH, I experienced death of my bio sons, and believe me, there is no "normal". I am not an expert, just saying that I learned to make the best of what I have, as well as be thankful that I am able to do so.

I've had a good, fun life; only because that is what I have made it. I didn't expect it to happen, I made it happen. You can do it too. Stay here and read and learn from all the others. You will do fine!

((((hugs))))

I feel like all I do is work and pay for a kid I have no say with. I have started to just escape into my work and do more than ever now. I also just do my own shit and don't have any family time or anything because nobody would listen to anything I had to say anyways.

((HUGS)))

The childs bio mom AND bio dad are responsible to pay for their own child, not you.

Same thing if you had a baby. You and DH would be, not bm, not your parents and not your co-workers.

Do you put more of your earnings to pay rent/mortgage, food, cars because YOUR working to make up the lost money going to BM in child support?
Sorry if that is too nosy. But it is your husbands duty to make up the slack $$ if there is any. NOT you. And he should not make you feel bad by throwing out 'WE are a team"

Save your money---start to plan a trip. That is a great pick ME up's. Volunteer in the community, that too is a wonderful way to give back to help those in need.

But first give yourself permission to say "I am NOT responsible to work 40hours a week to make up the difference, YOU are dh"

Oh and one more thing...coming on ST is a great pick me up especially when a poster writes they felt SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOo alone before they came on here.

I hear house keepers bi-weekly sure do come in handy