SD 12 is driving me crazy.. HELP
I haven't been on here for a while as I've just been laying low. I do read the posts but just stayed quiet. So SD 12 has been living with DH and I fulltime for almost 1yr. She has no contact with BM and does not want any contact with her and BM does not want anything to do with her. SD is driving me crazy, everything I say she says the opposite, I tell her to do something she doesnt do it and then says she forgot. But man oh man she doesnt forget to call her friends or ear dinner or ask to go shopping or to the store or to the park.. ect...ect.. ect.. she is still lying and just does the complete opposite of what we tell her.. and now she is twisting everything to take the blame off of her and refocus it on me.. for example .. told her to call me when she got home at 1:00pm from her friends on Saturday and then I would come home from work. Did she call NO.. and she said well you confused me because you said you were at work so I didnt call.. OMG it's everything everything everything and DH works shift work so he's not around very much..
I cant take it any longer as it's making me physically ill. My home is so unhappy all the time and this kid just caused all sorts of crap and then goes on her way.. After all this on Saturday she goes and takes a shower and is signing at the top of her lungs.. I just dont even want to see her anymore..
Most of you know that I've been a very good SM... I take her to all her activities, I teach her all sorts of things, cooking, organizing herself, taking care of herself and pride in the way she looks.. I do everything for her and she still lies, doesnt do her chores, leaves everythign to the last minute.. Her word means nothing because she never follows through.. everything is done halfway...
HELP .. I NEED SOME ADVICE.. PLEASE.............
ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHH Z..
Yes. This is true. My DD
Yes. This is true. My DD turned 12 in March and started her period. She is now officially crazy. I swear.
She's a very, very sweet girl, but she is (in her own little ways) testing her boundaries by telling lies (about the craziest things that don't even matter) and hitting her brothers. She's been an angel for the first 12 years of her life so this seems like she is out of control.
SS13 does the "i forgot" and the "i don't know" and it drives me nuts too. This is just a standard excuse that these kids try . If it works once to say they forgot, then it becomes an easy excuse. Walk him back to the school to get his homework, have her pick up the phone and "practice" calling you so she won't forget. Play along. If they need to be controlled more, because they keep "forgetting" then fine. Do it. They'll figure it out.
I taught 6th and 7th grade for a few years and this is just the time that kids start to test things - A LOT!
Crazy yes.. I have no idea..
Crazy yes.. I have no idea.. arghhhh.. so i will take a breathe and see what the day brings..
thanks, Z
Trust me. I feel for you. I
Trust me. I feel for you. I was texting my exH the other night after my daughter lied to me about knowing where her ipod was and then started to cry about something about her sick granfather. It's like she is all over the place.
We are sending her back to her counselor for a bit as she likes having someone to talk to on her own. Usually she goes for 3-5 visits here and there.
But the other night, I was SO very frustrated with DD12 - it's like she's a different person.
The next day I spoke with her (when I had calmed down) about her lieing and how unproductive it is. It makes her look bad, it makes me not trust her and she's not very good at it anyway, so she should really just stop doing it because both me and her dad know when she's doing it.
This morning she comes downstairs for breakfast and she has pink streaks in her blond hair. She goes to private school and this is not allowed and she knows it. I bought it for her on her bday with the understanding that it is only for weekends, softball games, etc. I looked at her, asked what was up and told her to go get in the shower and wash her hair.
She learned. I mean, she already knew, but she learned that this would not be overlooked when she tried to test it.
Deep breaths!
Thanks step off already...
Thanks step off already...
Gosh it's so darn frustrating the lying and manipulating ..when does it end..and we are the ones to have to put these kids in their place... I just want some normalcy... is that too much to ask for..
Z
Thanks Foxie.. I'm just at my
Thanks Foxie.. I'm just at my wits end and I'm so unhappy it's not even funny. I dont even want to go home anymore.. arghhhhh.. Z
I know she lives with you
I know she lives with you full time but you honestly need to remove her from your brain as much as possible. Let her father parent her.
When she does something blatantly wrong that affects you of course you can call her out on it immediately but other wise just back off. Stop trying to be the perfect stepmother as right now you need to protect your own sanity.
This is not a guest that will be there for a week and then you can let down your hair and relax. You are going to be stuck with her for many more years. You have to work out an interface with her that allows you to have a life too.
I am not saying to be mean or callous to her. Try to be kind, you must be civil. It doesn't mean that you will never do anything for her but start doing only what you want to do. You are not her mother. It is not your fault her mother is a POS (which she must be to never even want to see her daughter again).
Stop doing everything for her. period. dot.
This is good advice. Though
This is good advice. Though SS13 and I don't have as great of a relationship as it sounds like you and your SD12 have/had, I've found that pushing the parenting more on to DH has releived a lot of my pressure. I let him deal with his son. I tell SS to ask his dad when he comes to me. I remind SS that he's already spoken with his dad about this, etc, etc.
It's helped me a lot.
I still do a lot for him, especially when my bios are home. But now that I'm letting Dad handle him more it has releived some pressure from me, and I don't have to fight with DH about him much these days. DH tells him to do his homework. If it doesn't get done, then SS doesn't get screen time that week. Simple. The kid hasn't had screen time in nearly two months. I helped DH come up with the punishments, but DH is the one enforcing it, not me.
Thank you thank you oldone..
Thank you thank you oldone.. you are so right.. "I need to protect my own sanity" because I do feel like it's taken over my whole world. I'm so going to take your advice and run with it..
Again thanks I really needed this today..
Z
OMG this is SD14 to a tee! I
OMG this is SD14 to a tee! I agree you should also stop doing things for her, I did and it has saved my sanity. I've also started writing things down or communicating via text so she can't backpedal and claim she "forgot" or didn't understand or whatevr BS excuse of the day she was using.
I did try the texting and she
I did try the texting and she will say "oh it must of auto corrected because I misunderstood what you said".. I'm telling you I could scream....
I just need to take a step no
I just need to take a step no a mile back and let BD and SD deal with things .. I need a break from all of this chaos.. it's driving me crazy..
thanks for the advice I do appreciate it..
Z