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request denied

AmIWicked's picture

Submitted by AmIWicked on Wed, 02/19/2014 - 10:02pm

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So this wedding in the virgin islands, in October,... kids were asked to be in...
Request was made see my last post.

So BM responded " if you can not be patient and respectful and courteous I will have to deny for now. You are more than welcome to request again in September"

My husband responded "I will let the kids know they will be unable to attend and the bride and groom to pick alternative kids for their bridal party."

She immediately responded back, but we are not going to read it til morning. She feeds off this back and forth.

She just wants to show that she is in control. Even telling him how far is too far in advance to ask?? Oh please, she is only hurting herself.

AmIWicked's picture

Submitted by AmIWicked on Wed, 02/19/2014 - 10:24pm

She can see when it's read. He does not want her to think he is waiting around for her responses. He has to get up early enough to go to work. He says it will look legit that he went to bed and read it first thing in the morning.

I'm worth you though, I just want to know what her come back was to that...
She is going to blame him for the kids not being able to go, I just know it.

AmIWicked's picture

Submitted by AmIWicked on Wed, 02/19/2014 - 10:53pm

Haha, yeah I got up out of bed to watch tv... it really is killing the curious cat with me. But I do agree as well not to immediately look at our answer all communication.

And especially at this point it can only be mud singing. Asked. Ignored. Asked again with explanation. Denied...
I think my husband even said "thank you for replying to close the request.

AmIWicked's picture

Submitted by AmIWicked on Wed, 02/19/2014 - 10:56pm

Hahaha,... it will be a nice vacation for my husband and I to go on alone. I know many on here complain that they can't go anywhere without their step kids attached to their SO hip...

I do need to look on the bright side....

AmIWicked's picture

Submitted by AmIWicked on Thu, 02/20/2014 - 3:35am

So my husband wrote, "I will let the kids know they will be unable to attend and the bride and groom know they need to pick other kids to be in their bridal party. Thank you for responding."

BM rsponded with:

"No, THANK YOU for admitting that you are telling the kids that mom isn't allowing them to do something. That's very good parenting! Thanks for respecting my wishes and respecting the parenting schedule that you chose."

Um,... wow. Sarcastic much?

twoviewpoints's picture

Submitted by twoviewpoints on Thu, 02/20/2014 - 6:30am

What does she expect Dh to tell the kids? They were asked to participate in a wedding that involves BM permission from BM. BM can't or won't give an answer so DH is naturally informing the couple thanks for asking the children but they best select someone else as there is no assurance BM will let them participate.

So what should you tell the kids? 'No, the couple doesn't want you anymore?', or 'No, kids, I've changed my mind about wanting to take you along?' Pfft. Telling the kids that they can't participate due to not being able to give the couple an appropriate advance yes or no is an honest and acceptable reason to give the kids. Any parent knows the very next words out of the kids mouths will be 'why not'. Ok. Why not? Because BM can not commit this far in advance aka BM said no. If BM is asked by the children as to why she said 'no' she's going to have to give them the same answer 'I can't promise this early and the couple needs to know'.

She's just got her panties in a twist because she's having to take responsibility for own decision. I'd ignore her response it doesn't deserve a response back. The wizard clearly shows the reality.

Calypso1977's picture

Submitted by Calypso1977 on Thu, 02/20/2014 - 8:04am

this is exactly how we are. we never plan vacations with SD13 and never will. only in our case, the problem is BM will agree, and then at the last minute SD will whine and say she's "scared" or "uncomfortable" or "doesnt waaaannna go" and instead of BM kicking her ass and saying "you are going" she says "ok, you dont have to if you dont want to".

its impossible to plan anything so we just dont. sucks and SD is missing out on seeing so much of the world (she's only ever been to Disney - lame!) but her mom is insecure and doesnt ever want her to leave home because at 42 she's never left home (literally).

MaggieMay's picture

Submitted by MaggieMay on Thu, 02/20/2014 - 7:58am

It's sad the kids cant go, but you just saved MONTHS of drama, back and forth, and last minute changes where the kids wouldnt be able to come anyway, only it would be after you paid for tickets. One of them would be "sick" at the last minute or some other crisis. We learned early on to not buy tickets for anything ahead of time.

If you guys just drop it, it will end up bugging her more. Life goes on without her, HER kids are being replaced in the wedding (wait til that sinks in)! It'll drive her nuts that she's not involved in this in any way. Sad

QueenBeau's picture

Submitted by QueenBeau on Thu, 02/20/2014 - 9:16am

Yes, I agree. Enjoy the time alone & the peace! Don't discuss it anymore with BM. It'll drive her bonkers!

Sparklelady's picture

Submitted by Sparklelady on Thu, 02/20/2014 - 3:24pm

Yes, this is true! Never speak of it again with her. Will drive her nuts that you took the power away.

AmIWicked's picture

Submitted by AmIWicked on Thu, 02/20/2014 - 8:49am

Told the kids this morning. They were really bummed. They go to BMs tonight at 5 and spend the night. So they will be up her assabout .

They kept asking "why?" And all we said was she said no, ask her why. }:)

QueenBeau's picture

Submitted by QueenBeau on Thu, 02/20/2014 - 11:32am

"What would be more fun/important than seeing their aunt get married at a destination wedding? "

being in the bridal party for said destination wedding!

I feel so bad for the kids Sad

Merry's picture

Submitted by Merry on Thu, 02/20/2014 - 11:34am

Now just hope something comes up for BM on that same weekend, and she won't be able to participate because she has the kids. Karma bus? Beep beep, here we go!

AmIWicked's picture

Submitted by AmIWicked on Thu, 02/20/2014 - 3:16pm

We talked about doing this... especially since she just asked for an early pick up because of the storm that came through last week and with two hours notice he agreed. Now with 8 months she can't agree to not make any plans that weekend???

ocs's picture

Submitted by ocs on Thu, 02/20/2014 - 11:43am

count your lucky stars.

DH and I had a destination wedding and it was constant drama with SD11 (at the time). I told DH to keep me out of it since I had enough on my plate with planning the wedding. I made ZERO allowances for her in my planning.

She actually showed at the airport- late- and it was a fresh hell of tears and I love you's with her batshit BM.

A year later, we tried to take her to Disney, BM said 'no', SD freaked because we told her that BM said no. BM then unleashed a tirade on DH. There's no reasoning with crazy.

Someone on here said once that just when you get to the bottom floor of crazy, you realize there is an underground crazy garage...