Not sure how I feel about what DH is doing...Opinions please
DH has been Divorced for nine years and has joint Legal custody of SS12. BM Has residential custody. DH has ALWAYS been Cowardly around BM and BM has always been a bully calling the shots regarding SS Even though they have joint custody. BM always had more money, Better attorney Fought harder in court so fourth so DH has gotten screwed over and over again.
So the fact DH Avoids conflict and cowardly towards BM Whenever possible has Lead him to do things I don’t think is right.
To begin with if DH allows SS to do something he thinks BM Would not approve of he will tell SS not to tell her. Example for SS’s 11th bday he got him a BB gun. Even though there is nothing wrong with that BM would FLIP the you know what out so DH told SS not to tell BM. Rather than just Ignore BM’s Rants he would rather have SS lie.
If BM sends DH a nasty text or VM because SS forgot to do his homework on DH parenting time DH will tell SS. DH will say “ your mother sent me a nasty text because you did not do your math homework on my time”. I don’t believe it’s Necessary to share this information with SS.
If SS gets into trouble In school during DH’s parenting week he will say to SS “your mother is going to be complaining about this to your therapist that this happened on my parenting time”( SS see a Psychologist every two weeks) Which is true. BM at any chance she gets will tell anyone who will listen what a Terrible father she thinks DH is.
When BM comes to pick up SS at our house on Sunday night at 6pm DH is a nutcase. Ten minutes before she is to come DH makes SS stop what he is doing and get ready. DH Literally pushes SS out the door at 6pm when BM comes as BM goes bananas honking the horn if SS is so much as ONE minute late out the door. If SS can’t find his phone or something DH has a Stroke running around looking for it.
SS knows both his parents HATE each other and the hell his mother puts his dad through. BM is Awful and unfair but as a mom myself I don’t think DH should be sharing the things he is with SS. Honestly SS does not seem to be bothered by what DH says so maybe it’s not as big of a deal as I think. Opinions?
Several warning flags are waving here. First, BM IS RUNNING THE
SHOW, and you will never conquer this.
Secondly, your DH? (not clear if you're married, you just said he's been divorced 9 years) SO? is not a good parent if he cannot be responsible enough to actively help or get SS to do his work.
Lastly, he should not be badmouthing BM to his son. The son has eyes, and he can see who the dominant parent is. If DH/SO? would do HIS JOB, then he wouldn't feel the need to do this in the first place.
I'm sure BM has communicated to SS that she "fought harder" for him etc. and therefore she has laid the "loyalty foundation" she expects with him, especially since she has him most of the time. She's had plenty of time to plant those seeds in his impressionable brain.
For the record, you've got your head on right, this is jacked up. Your man is clearly marching to BM's drum. She apparently has him on an emotional shock collar.
Sounds like a Disney Dad
And if he thinks that the mom is not monitoring the days the kid did not get his homework in or misbehaved on dad's time, he is nuts. I can almost guarantee you, she is checking with the school. Why can't DAD see that the kid gets his homework done.
I think the gun was a huge mistake. In today's environment, it is just another thing that some judges will ding dad for.
There is reason for concern
DH needs to be secure in his parenting. He is just showing SS that BM is calling the shots. Buy the gun, don't lie. If the homework wasn't done, let the kid know it was his responsibility. He is trying to be a friend, not a parent. If SS is late for pick-up because he wasn't ready, BM is going to have to wait a minute, honk all you want. DH needs to set boundaries with BM, if she is yelling, tell her its unacceptable and get off the phone. If she is honking, let her wait. His actions just show she is the boss to you and everyone else.
Your SO has sacrificed
Your SO has sacrificed himself, you, your relationship and his kids to his toxic former breeding partner.
Until he puts a hand between his legs, grabs a big handful of man sack and then puts BM in her place and keeps her there the outcome for you, your marriage and his kids is far from rosey.
smh
Honestly as long as this BS with BM
does not effect me Directly I could care less. DH knows better than to let BM and Her Shanaghans affect my life I’ll flip a nut on his ass. No joke.
My Concern was the effect it has on SS12 now or in the future. DH,yes we are married, seem more Worried about pissing BM off than getting SS involved. Also the fact BM LOVES dragging DH to family court I’m thinking how this would look to a judge what DH has been doing.
What he is doing would look
What he is doing would look bad to a family court judge. I mean, it looks bad to YOU and you are on his side!