If your relationship is good sometimes.....why is this ok?

Your fiance should adore you, respect you, protect you, love you, and be a postive person in your life.

This may sound harsh....but what part of this relationship is worth saving? I'm thinking that you might want to take a step back and evaluated where your self-esteem is. If you loved yourself....I don't think that you would take this crap from him.

Blunt and to-the-point, we need to stand up for ourselves as individuals and not be walked on.....in any situation

I wish you luck and I'm sorry for your situation.

If he still wants his old life...it's not fair for him to go through the motions of moving onto another relationship. It doesnt appear like he's reconciled that his old life/relationshp had ended. I don't think he's ready to move on.....

If your GF's not happy with it....

You can't hang out with your ex..
You can't maintain Ex's house..
Do Ex's yard work...household chores..
AND you certainly can't move back under the same roof with her...
UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES!!! but then to turn around and do exactly that KNOWING FULL WELL it has caused problems for your relationhip and is DETRIMENTAL to making this new relationship work!!!!! AND is making YOU miserable!!!!!!

By leaving you and moving in with her...His actions say.....he's made a choice...and your not it.

That's how I would see it!! I would be LIVID!!!!!!!!!!!! Especially him knowing how much of an issue him spending time over there was...in the first place.

Man...What a slap in your face!
Find someone who puts YOU first!! He exists......you just have to find him.....

I don't mean to be blunt either...but...I'm sorry....I can't help feeling indignant on your behalf.. I mean,How dare he!!

Change the locks...if he wants her...he can have her...have a nice life...see ya's..more fish in the sea!!!

I think you probably already know the answer to your question about what to do. Maybe what you are really looking for is someone to either talk you out of it or talk you the rest of the way into it. Your loving him isn't the problem, and maybe he does love you, too, but he seems to have a problem with boundaries and unless he understands that and wants to change it, I think you'd be crazy to continue seeing him at all, let alone marry him. He kind of sounds like someone who doesn't really know what to do, so he's reverting back to what he always did before. He needs some new options. Maybe what you can do is to help him find some new options and encourage him to set some boundaries. But if he's unwilling, then doesn't that give you your answer?

~ Anne ~

Ever heard of those pilots or traveling salesmen who have a couple of wives in different states and the wives are none the wiser? Well, it sounds like you are living the worst version - YOU know about it. So, he's "technically" not with the ex - but he is! He is compelled to go back there to help out - like a husband - see his children at their shared residence - like a husband - be a part of the old family structure as it was before he left - like a husband.

Mmmmm there are a lot of women out there who'd like a hubby like that - he has a "lady" whose house he can live at and she washes his socks, but he can come over to my place and hang out when it suits the kids and I.

He should not be going into the ex's house for any reason. If his ex had moved on she would not allow him to. My ex went into his ex's new house at the request of his 8 yo daughter to look at her bedroom and I flipped a lid! (of course while he was there he uses the bathroom and has a tour of the house which is what happens when you start going into the house) How would he like my ex coming into our house? There is no need for it. If the adults don't know the boundaries the children sure won't.

I'd decide whether you can handle him going into the ex's house at all or whether under some circumstances - i.e) what's your bare minimum tolerance? If he can't meet that expectation - you will know what to do.

I think you are totally justified feeling the way you do. And whatever YOU decide - he is making a rod for his own back by going back to the old house. It gives everyone false expectations, including the children.

Good luck

I am not putting myself on HOLY ground and I know these words are going to sting, and I say that because it's obvious to all of us reading this that he has made his decision, you don't see it and it's because you love him.
First off he did love/may still love his wife, don't be fooled. The level of love and all of that I cannot speak on, but NO MAN and I do mean NO Man, has such this undying urge to marry that he will marry anything and everything, so therefore when a man does say I do, he does mean forever and he does love his mate. ASK any man this (brother, cousin, dad, friend) they would tell you the same.
Secondly, you are ok for right now, you may not be wifey material to him, OUCH I know that hurt, but this is true, he may enjoy your company, he may enjoy your kids, he may like to be around you, but why hasn't he incorporated his kids with your and your kids? If his teenagers have thier own agenda, and they aren't there then who is he there visiting? Ok if they aren't here then where are they? And if they are gone playing basketball, soccer, at the mall, etc, then if his agenda is to bond with his kids then he can go do those things WITH his kids away from Wife's home.
Third, buy him a roll of toilet paper and on the card that goes with it, say" This is either a token for you and your new place as a welcome gift or it's how you feel about me, so I ask for you to use it, S..t or get off the pot!" He needs to either be with you or be with her, but his excuse of being there to be with his kids, won't fly just based on what I just told you, he is not there visitng his kids sweetie, if they aren't there.

"Be there for the joy. Be there for the tears. Be there for each other."
(Step-Mom the Movie 1998)

You should read my post a few days ago...the one titled Husband Moved out Friday. All the signs were there but I married him anyway and it got worse. Both he and his ex-wife kicked it into high gear within weeks of our marriage. Believe me, it is worse being married to someone with "two wives" then being their ex-girlfriend. Things got so bad...I cried for most of our 3 year marriage. I miss him horribly and love my husband so very much - but I got to the point that every time I looked at him I felt hurt. You really should read my post and all the comments the great people of this site have responded. It may help you avoid being where I am 3 years from now.