CS is the limit of the NCP's obligation for support of their children.
The rest is on the shoulders of the CP. Unless otherwise provisioned by the CO.
I am surprised that this is not more frequently recommended on STalk.
As the CSP in our blended family adventure it may be surprising that I am supportive of NCP's planting their flag on "that is what CS is for" and not providing one penny beyond CS to the CP, unless otherwise stipulated in the CO.
In our case, we learned early that CS was the NCP's contribution for the support of my SKid beyond half of any medical expenses not covered by insurance.
Once the Judge made that clear, after we billed the SpermClan for half of the SKids Crumpet (Coronet), it took me a while but was finally able to get my bride on board the strategy that it was our responsibility to do everything possible to maximize what the Spermidiot was on the hook for regarding CS. Once she got on board, 9 years after CS was raised from $110/mo to $133/mo, she drove squeezing blood out of that turnip. We never needed their money, but we wanted SS to have demonstrable proof that his mom was dedicated to his best interests and so he would never have to hear that the shallow and polluted end of his gene pool did not care enough about him to support him. We never gave them any choice though my DW's avoidance of pissing them off in the naive perspective that if she did not make them mad they wouldn't load SS up with their toxic bullshit.
The nature of the CP and NCP responsibilities are that one must drive the maximizing of support for the kid(s) while the other should step up and pay that maximum support. Reality is that the CP side is often money grubbing control freaks who fail to recognize that they are responsible for a least half of the financial support for their children while the NCP side is often filled by deadbeat weasels who do everything in their power to avoid paying and avoid actually parenting.
Thoughts?
We do deal with the bottom of
We do deal with the bottom of the gene pool here. I do get your point and was not one of those BMs that begged for money like it was my job. My DH's BM played that game. When you get to the end of CS and see that 6 digit total of CS that was accounted for, it makes you sick to realize there was no need to spend extra. That's how it played out for us. Family court needs an overhaul. How? Not sure but the disordered should not be allowed to manipulate it to their advantage. Looking back, judges need to remind each parent what support is for and encourage each to do their part for the rest.
There's a stereotype of the Welfare Queen out there. I suggest adding the Child Support Queen to that. Some just look at as a way of life.
CS Queen/King Vs. The Deadbeat
Sounds about right for far too many in the blended family world.
Fortunately when one side is toxic the other is generally of significant quality.
The good news is that kids rarely are cursed with a gene pool that is entirely shallow.
Our BM loves to attempt to
Our BM loves to attempt to bleed DH dry. When SS was 3, DH was working at a car dealership. He was making poverty level wages since it was all commission based and needless to say, he wasn't selling much. BM took him back to court for CS increase, saying he was hiding money. DH turned over his taxes, paystubs, etc. The judge ruled that she couldn't increase the CS. DH was already paying 30% of his gross income to CS at that time. BM then wanted a higher wage imputed, saying she needed more money. Judge refused. DH was living with 3 other roommates while BM was living in a luxury apartment in a gated community with a brand new car.
DH was laid off due to COVID stay at home orders in 2020. He was laid off 3 months. BM took him back to court for a CS increase, saying he was making more due to the increased unemployment stimulus, which wasn't true. BM said that DH should have chosen a more "pandemic proof" career field... like any of us anticipated a pandemic.
Our BM believes that if DH makes money, she is entitled to all of it. DH pays a very hefty amount of CS for one child and he really doesn't make all that much. BM makes 1.5 times his income and her SO makes $150k. She lives in a nice house, gets a new car every few years and takes a lot of fancy trips. DH and I work really hard to live on a strict budget. DH wants to support SS, but there comes a limit. BM always acted like it was DH's sole job to pay for SS because she had sole physical custody so she took care of SS. She felt it was her payment for taking care of SS. Mind you, DH still had to provide shelter, food, clothing, etc. for SS during his parenting time. He didnt get reimbursement for that.
DH used to pay for extras because he thought he had to. Our attorney advised against it, saying that "paying a HCBM who alienates your child against you is like rewarding bad behavior. Only pay CS and nothing more." Now that's all we do.
There are definitely some deadbeat Dads, but there are also some Dads who are financially drowning for 18 years and barely making ends meet due to such high CS, while BMs are living very comfortably, trying to control and alienate their exes. These Dads are essentially supporting two households, BMs and their own, while BM is withholding visitation to keep the CS high. There needs to be a better system.
Blah, blah, blah. There will
Blah, blah, blah. There will never be an agreement on who should pay for what or who shoud pay more when it comes to kids whose parents are not together.
In high conflict situations, one parent will always use money and child support against the other parent.
For the sake of avoiding
For the sake of avoiding drama and arguments the NCP just saying "That's what CS is for" definitely works. BM would buckle and dime DH for a while bunch of extra curriculars until he found out she stopped sending SD to them. He didn't call her out he just started asking for receipts or invoices. She would send him pictures she took on her phone zoomed in of just a total. He stopped paying them without and proof and she stopped demanding when she knew he had her.
You're right about BM not wanting to pay her half of things. Basically her MO is to try to get DH to pay, if he won't pay or only pays half then she gets her parents to pay. This is part of the reason why DH never gets receipts. Because SD's grandparents are the one footing the bill.
Kids you never see become bills rather than investments.
BM here's theory is (and
BM here's theory is (and always has been) because SO makes more then her that he should have to pay for everything.
SO has been (on paper) the CP for 3 years now. Before their pathetic "custody agreement" which was never followed it was 50/50.
BM skated on her in family. She felt like she missed out on life.
Now 10 years later she is still doing that... living HER life, child free (for 3 years now) and not contributing a single penny towards anything for the skids. She spends 1k a year... $100 on their bdays, $200 on Xmas, and takes them out to dinner on their bdays. That's it. Not a penny towards their actual well being.
Before that SO was giving her not court order child support of $650 a month. Over all he gave her 42k... 42k!! For EOWE while he paid for everything. BUT! If they had gone to court for child support in the beginning... more then likely he would have been screwed. Also, there is no alimony and she can't revisit it at any time. IMO he did over pay her for too long because he was scared and never wanted to "go to court"
He didn't go after her for child support because honestly, he probably wouldn't have gotten much and the cost of court wasn't worth it. It also would have caused more drama for us if that were the case.
She always told the skids she "never had any money to do things with them...." aka she spent it all on herself, hair always done, nails always done, oh and a 25k motorcycle... but had "no money" for skids.
Pathetic.
The skids see it... they aren't stupid. We never bring up BMs name so they are learning on their own.
The court system is so flawed though it's disgusting. So many poor men get screwed by their HCBMs and the courts keep allowing it to happen. It won't ever end because it's such a money maker for the lawyers.
Well it depends. Some NCPs
Well it depends. Some NCPs literally pay next to nothing in CS. Like 100 bucks a month and then argue even about that. They conveniently work minimum wages or under the table or can't even keep a job. So I'd say kids cost more than that. But of course you can't make them pay more if they choose to be destitute or work under the table or do nothing
and then some NCPs might choose to buy things for kids and contribute extra for their kids simply because these are their kids and they love them. Some people love their kids more than they hate their exes, you know. Not everyone is hateful
so id not make a universal law that NCP should never pay an extra penny for anything. It does not apply to every situation.
This is my SS's Spermidiot.
He was a willfully underemployed licensed plumber who avoided documented income thinking that it would minimize his CS obligation to all of his kids. 4, all out of wedlock to three different baby mamas.
My DW felt that nailing his ass to the CS wall with a CS review every 2 years would just make the SpermClan treat SS poorly. When I finally got her to see that hey treated him poorly regardless, she finally dragged the Spermidiot back to court for a CS modification after 9 years of CS at $133/mo. We hired a PI to document his under the table cash payments from side jobs, dug up all of the SpermGrandParents financial support of their idiot freely out of wedlock breeding son, and CS went up to $785. It did adjust down $385 once he finally came to court. From SS's birth until he turned 18 his CS support from his Spermidiot was $110/mo for one year, $133/mo for 9 years, $785/mo for 2 years, and $385/mo for 6 years. He did everything possible to not support his children. He succeeded. SpermGrandHag payed all of his CS for my SS, she paid the CS for the three younger spawn while raising them in her home without any support from her idiot son.
It is the CPs responsibility to manage the continual maximization fo support for children from the NCP. Just as COd CS represents the NCP's obligation to support their CODs unless otherwise stipulated in the CO.
IMHO of course.