The poster is the step father

^^This. I'm not stupid - I knew that my kids would be tempted, etc. We had a lot of talks, and I let them both know that I would not freak out. But that I understood, and if they chose to become sexually active, I would rather know so we could make sure they each were safe than to have them come home pregnant or having impregnated someone.

My oldest went to college a virgin. I sent him with a large box of condoms, and told him that when he ran out, he should either go to the local grocery/drug store, contact college health services (which provided them free) or let me know and I would send more. As far as I know, he has been responsible.

My youngest told me when she thought she was ready (much to the embarrassment of her b/f). We went to the OB/GYN, and she went on the pill. I also talked to her about the importance of having him use a condom and why. Last time she was home she went for a GYN appt, and told me the doctor was impressed that she makes her partner use a condom as well. As she put it... "I have no idea who else he has slept with, and I don't want to sleep with them, too." Smart girl.

I would definitely talk to Mom about having the girl put on appropriate BC. And since you both know she's going to do some things you don't approve of if home alone? DON'T LEAVE HER HOME ALONE! That's not rocket science!

The hatred for her is concerning. My idea would be that he is disappointed in her ~ but I have 2 girls 19 sd n my bio daughter. This is when the difficult times come when 15 + ~ the pushing your buttons comes into play. I think as a parent you try n try n give them an inch n they take a yard.
Grabs the reigns n hold on ~ you for a bumpy ride. Teenagers are trying to be adults but not the thought process to go with it. The front part of their brains were decisions making is made ~ is not fully developed until they reach the age of 25. I got me 5 more years ~ please God give me some miracle grow to activitate her front brain. It's a long agonizing period ~ it's draining but we learn as well. All goes down to ~ you tried to give her another chance at being an adult n she is still acting like a teenager but remember she is a teenager. It's our job as parents to guide them ~ you can't fix something if you choose to ignore it.

Hope is paralyzing ~

Actually, I come it from a different angle. My first partner was my now ex. At 20. However, I know a lot of my friends in HS, etc, were sexually active. I preferred to know my kids were prepared and safe, if they chose to engage, than to find out that one of them was going to be a parent before they were ready. Knowing how to protect oneself, knowing that they could count on a trusted adult to help them stay safe was more important to me than to tell them to just not do it.

As I said above, my oldest didn't become active until college. My youngest not until just before she graduated HS, and he was a longtime b/f and a young man who cared for her. Both of my kids are responsible here. They also both know how a child could affect their futures, at this point in time.

Parents need to pull their heads out of their bu..... uuuuh the sand.

>Seems like most of you are content with your daughters being sluts because you were at that age.

Oh no, you did not go there. How many women did YOU sleep with before getting married? So were YOU a male slut, jerkwad?

I have had a TOTAL of three sexual partners in my life. The first of whom was the man I married. YOU are an absolute asshole.

I agree that teenagers these days are way more sexual activities n the outfits are frankly horrendous. Reminds me of groupies that wanted to meet the band members.

I think her having sex at your home was completely disrespectful. I think that if you say they are going to do it ~ why not make sure they are safe. Is adult thinking ~ teenagers take it as my parents are fine with it. I am not fine with that teenager thought process.

You as a step father are in the worse possible spot. You can't discipline her ~ cause Mom will undo everything you are hoping to get across to her. The self respect is your concern. I get that ~ I am with you. Don't they think more of themselves.

The logic of "we" did the same thing when they were kids ~ I can't swallow that. Why don't you buy them a bag if pot n get them a bottle of vodka as well. Sorry at this age ~ that's ridiculous.

I m with you Lloyd !!

Lloyd- I want to say that I can not imagine what it is like being a stepfather to a daughter! My stepfather is the most amazing man in the world and I have the up most respect for him. I, like your daughter, have a shitty biofather. There was a whole lot of sex and inappropriate things I was around when I was young. I will tell you THIS added to my sexual issues with life. I lost my virginity at 14 (yes 14! but I stopped then and waited a bit before doing it again) god help my mother and stepfather... the difference for me was that my mother was very open with me about sex. I went to her at 16 and got on the pill with her consent. I was very safe during my "slut" years and never once had an std or accident with pregnancy. I was on BC until a few months ago when my husband and I decided to have a child.

While I was sexually active, there were still rules in my house. I was never ever allowed to dress inappropriately. This didnt mean I occasionally wouldnt borrow friends clothes, but I knew I was doing something wrong. I will tell you that clothing phase didnt last long bc my parents made me feel bad about it. I didn't want to be that girl who needed to dress that way... this led to having awesome confidence later in life. Add this to all the other normal rules of curfews, drinking, drugs, blah blah...

Anyway, I could ramble on and on, but my point is this: I was this kid, because of the shitty life I had when I was young- and the horrible relationship with my biofather. I needed things from men at that age that were not ok. First, your wife needs to get involved here. Your SD may need some therapy (probably does), but she needs to instill in her some boundaries- and not just rules, but values that SD can think about. It doesnt mean she wont break the rules, but it means she will feel bad about it-- which for me made me a better adult. Being mad at her (while totally justified- hell Id be so livid) is only going to make her want to piss you guys off more. I agree with the above posters that Mom needs to take on this role, but as a stepfather- you are there. You are the only man that is there (so it sounds). To me, disappointing my stepfather is worse that falling off a cliff. Just continue to be there. Let her know that you will be there if she needs you or wants to talk to you- but let your wife take on this role, your daughter needs mom right now. Hugs to you, it will get better

Fair enough. But really - you and Mom were foolish for leaving her home alone after she had proven herself untrustworthy. Honestly, I understand it's easier to be pissed at her than to be pissed at yourselves. But you two did screw up, too.