Broke up with my partner due to his son
I have just broken up with my partner of 2 years due to his child.
Im absolutely heartbroken. I suppose i have been from the start, im now 21 and have tried to put up with his child and i just cant seem to get over the resentment i have. Im jealous of the attention his son gets. Im never left out, and my now ex always always tried to make sure i was included and never left out. He is a fantastic guy. But i hate his kid! He constantly demands attention from
His dad and tbh he wouldnt really care whether i was there or not. I feel his dad does too much for him and what the kid wants he gets. I get nothing and ask for nothing. The BM is the most vile cretin ever. I hate he has contact with her, tears me apart. Am i just too young to handle all of this? I feel like rubbish whenever tht kid is around, he makes my blood boil just the sound of his voice. What do i do? Have i made the right choice?
I don't think your age is
I don't think your age is necessarily the issue - many of us struggle with every single issue you mention.
BUT, if I could go back and have the counsel of a wise friend BEFORE I got involved with my DH, I might have thought twice - and I had two almost adult daughters of my own - in my ignorance - I thought - How hard can it be? I've done it twice. WRONG!!!!!
It is almost impossible to get it right as an SM. Try reading Stepmonster, by Wednesday Martin. It may give you some perspective on what a massive challenge you had taken on. At 21 you have a lot of men to choose from who don't have this kind of baggage - my advice to you would be find one and have some happy, carefree years, before thinking of kids, let alone SKIDs.
The baggage is very hard to
The baggage is very hard to deal with. I don't have my own children and always wanted them, so I guess part of me thought having Skids would be a positive and enough for me. However, sometimes I wonder what I did to deserve it. You are young enough to find a man without baggage, or live some more of your own life and in the future maybe you will handle or want Skids. Either way, you maybe need to focus on what you need for you, and spend sometime being good to yourself.
Honey, I was 34 and couldn't
Honey, I was 34 and couldn't handle my then BF's son. It doesn't matter how old you are, no one can tolerate being treated like a second class citizen or can put up with a bratty kid.
you are all so right. im just
you are all so right. im just hurting so bad right now its hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I have lost the love of my life and it is gona take a long time for it to heal and adjust to how different my life will be now. I fell for a guy who has a kid, that is the most unfortunate situation anyone could ever be put in. oh how with hindsight how things could have been better. im glad I have read up and took all of your advice, I either leave now or be 10 years down the line and unhappy and angry even more so than I am now
Ladies, give me a thumbs up
Ladies, give me a thumbs up if you agree. How many of you THOUGHT you found the love of your life, and years later, you encounter a love that is infinitesimally stronger? The right love is waiting for you, and now, you are free to open your eyes to the possibilities.
It's difficult to be in a relationship with someone with children, and the best option is to start off with a clean slate. Find a man who is child-free and start your family with him when you are ready. Until then, just concentrate on healing. Although you may find a love in the future that dwarfs this one, it still doesn't lessen the pain you are experiencing now. Try not to mourn what you have lost but look forward to your future.
You will make it. Your heart will heal. Just take it one day at a time.
you are a life genius! I
you are a life genius! I should be paying you for this advice haha
i wish you well in life:)
It sounds like you definitely
It sounds like you definitely made the right choice. I know how hard it must have been to make the decision to leave but I don't think you will regret it. Being a SM is a ridiculously hard, thankless job and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. You are so young and there are so many men your age who don't have all that baggage. Go find one of them!
Being with someone who has a
Being with someone who has a kid with someone else is one of the hardest things you will ever do. From the sounds of it you did make the right choice for you. I would not say you are to young to handle the situation because I have been a step parent since I was 19. Kids demand alot of attention and they get it. Especially kids who grow up in broken homes. I know that when my step son is here he gets alot of attention and almost anything he wants. We also have bio kids of our own and we dont treat them any differant when ss is here or when he is not. All of our kids get the same treatment. We just set rules and work together as a unit to discipline. Alot of the time step parents dont view their step kids as they do their bio kids. Also they feel that the bio parent of the step kids are spoiling them. Sometimes they do though because they feel guilty for putting their child in the situation of a two different home situation. I always suggest if you can not accept the kids you do not need to be in the relationship. I know it hurts because you cared about the guy so much but him and his kid will be better off because of your resentment toward the kid. And you will be better off because you will not be putting yourself through that situation. Take some time, breath and relax. There is a reason you did what you did. So dont second guess yourself.
You are 21, you should be
You are 21, you should be enjoying life! Don't do things that don't make you happy. Life is too short!
I honestly don't know what I
I honestly don't know what I would have done without all your wise and kind words, I only wish yous lived right next to me so I could meet people who know exactly what the score is and how it is the most difficult emotion. I feel worse at night because I know we wont be together anymore and I will miss that attachment to someone, however with you all telling me that I have most definitely done what is right and that in time my heart will heal, then at least there is hope. I only wish it didn't take so long to get over somebody. feelings are absolute crap sometimes!