Step daughter won (we haven't said it like that to her though) she's going
Step-daughter won, she terrorised us enough that my husband has put the wheels in motion to let her move back into her Mum's place for September this year.
SD admitted that she had been being naughty in hope we would send her to her mothers. Now when I say naughty I mean sneaking into my bedroom and tearing up my tops... we have her fulltime.
I crossed that moment when I started showing real signs of stress, palpitations etc and I turned to my husband and said we can't live like this... we have a small safe for our toothbrushes because SD abuses them.
I feel nervous and upset for my husband, and nervous that the weekends feel like more concentrated time which means things might be harder.. but no fights over brushing teeth or brushing her hair or not showering. Monday - Friday will be calm and normal.
I feel confused and hurt, six years of this crap is about to end and change.
I raised this child, OK I admit it was like forcing a circle peg into a square hole because SD would rather be dirty and have dentures then clean herself but it feels, i dunno strange.
Any positives stories welcome.
Emmy - your own story is very
Emmy - your own story is very positive Hon, SD did not win, she will learn a life lesson very soon.
SD can move to her BM, no problem, she can visit on a schedule and there will never be any changes or what ever,
SD's room is not her room anymore, it's now a fully functional Guess bedroom and SD can only use it when she over night, seeing she's moving to BM, she takes all her shit with her. And for week-ends she brings an over night bag..
If only we could do this.....
but you can do the following.... explain to SD she misbehaved to live with her mother, thus this means she does not like your house and you accept it, but it also means she can never move back, she has to live with the choices she made.. and belief me after 3 months living with BM SD will scream and cry to come back, this is where you and DH needs to say NO.. sorry kiddo you wanted to move to BM, now you stay there... my SO kept this up for about 7 months and his brat never pulled that stunt again flip flopping between houses... she did move back to BM a month ago and wanted to come back past week-end, SO simply told her... NO.. you can not come back, it's a couple off months before you graduate, you will stay with BM till then.... she can not even spend a week-end...
I thought her mother didn't
I thought her mother didn't want her?
I agree with Acra, I would make sure she understands that there will be no changing her mind later, when she's not happy at her mother's.
Does your husband punish her for these bad deeds?
Her mother gave her up, but
Her mother gave her up, but has told SD she wants her back without actually ever trying to get her back. So we called their bluff, and said to BM 'OK well you've been telling SD this for so long, she's yours come September'
I think BioMum didn't expect us to give in. It has been years of petty fights but we have always been very consistent. But BioMum tells SD inappropriate stuff, like "Oh I wanted to kill myself when your father left me but then I found out I was pregnant with you and you gave my life meaning again"~
and then BioMum spends six years being very absent and indifferent.
it will all blow up and SD and BioMum will ask to return to the way things were in a few months time... but my husband and I can't take the behaviour anymore. It's too hard. SD tries to hurt my bio children and her excuse is 'because they are related to you'
Nice one.
Is it petty that I don't want to send SD with all of our stuff because bioMum hasn't provided for her in the whole six years we've had her?
My husband does discipline my SD and she just doesn't care... we are her safety net and she knows it. sucks...
Can I really change her room?
yes - you talk about other
yes - you talk about other children... well your kids do not have to share any more lol....
I had a Boomerang SD, but
I had a Boomerang SD, but eventually she calmed down after her mother choked her and slapped her. Now she is 18, graduated, and loafing without a job - so she gets to stay in the 50/50 zone. Her room is such a mess, but she takes care of her grandma, so she can stay part time, for now. I think that SD wil beg and cry to come back, but keep her there for a good month before you let her come back.
Congratulations on getting
Congratulations on getting this toxic spawn out of your home. Now... you and DH need to set some very firm behavioral standards for when she visits and hold her to those standards. ZERO TOLERANCE for any deviation from reasonable behavior.
If that means having her arrested for assault or destruction of your property... so be it.
Write her off... take care of you... and you and DH enjoy your post toxic spawn invasion life.