Family Funeral!
I have a family funeral coming up (my MIL) and my stomach is already churning at meeting all the people who never accepted me in the family. Not only the SD31 who my DH believes every time she says "sorry" after her tantrums. Even though she texts "hope you're happy with my tokenistic sorry!!" She has already stated she widhed he never met me (we have been married nearly 6 yrs).
I have disengaged but the funeral will be full of people who never welcomed me into the family because SD31 made sure she told lies, manipulated things and convinced people (even before they met me) that daddy didn't love her or give her enough attention when he was married to me (she lives with her boyfriend!).
I really liked my MIL and she liked me (she always saw through SD31 games) but am dreading the day as I know it will be full of people who love my husband but didn't want me in the family.
I am also dreading SD31 as she is likely to come up to me (with her audience) and try and apologise just so she can be SEEN to do this. Unfortunately she has made my life completely miserable and it is too late for "tokenistic" apologies.
Any advice what to say to her and others at the funeral (short and sweet!). Thank you
I agree, go with grace and be
I agree, go with grace and be the better person. If you take the high road, it should be ok. Unless these people are abject toilet waste, they won't cause a scene. If they try and you take the high road, you will come out smelling all the more like a rose.
Thank you Sally and bbbbb,
Thank you Sally and bbbbb, for your advice. My DH and I visited and helped her every week. SD31 hasnt been for 3 yrs even though she lives 10 mins away. Other members of the family stopped phoning and visiting her because she showed my DH and I her support when the adult SK were having tantrums.
So sad, they will now be grieving and yet haven't seen her for so long.
I will try and focus on the day but dreading the gathering after the funeral. Will look my best sally!
Is there any way you could
Is there any way you could skip the after part? Just go to the service?
It may not be possible, I understand, but it's worth considering...
I would go and stay away as
I would go and stay away as best as possible. Mine HUNT me down (like if I leave my husband's side to go to the bathroom), they are watching my every move in order to make horrible faces at me or snide comments my husband does not see or hear-just in passing by, if I am ever left alone. It is crazy. If I say anything about it, I am crazy--so I just depend on it happening and plan on using the bathroom ahead of time. I leave as soon as possible too. Grown children who are emotionally still in junior high school....Ughhh...
I always take a nerve pill. It is terrible, but I can almost have a panic attack thinking about having to be with them...
Look like a million dollars! Hold you head high, it is their problem and their loss.
I feel your pain...
Just remember and keep telling yourself this time will pass....but, it does seem like forever when you are there, I know.
This is a difficult situation
This is a difficult situation it is as though you are entering a den of lions. Ugh! I agree with the other posters envision your reactions before you go. Practice what you will say should the crows approach you. These crows can sense what your are feeling and they are hoping that you are feeling weak, insecure and vulnerable. What ever you do, do not come across that way. Make sure your head is held up, and should they approach you nod and then walk away. No explanations are needed.
You are not there for them. They are nothing but crows looking to feed. Do not give them fodder to feed upon. Look through them not at them. If she approaches you to apologize make it a game. Ask her to repeat the apology because you missed part of what she was saying. Ask her what she means with the apology. Drag the apology out. At the end, smile and say apology not necessary as you do not know what she is talking about, but thank you anyway, then walk away.
Print out a picture of a crow and carry it in your purse. When they are going to approach you look at the picture to remind you of their souls.
You can do this with grace, we all are sending positive energy to you!
Another idea may be to bring
Another idea may be to bring a close friend with you, so that when your husband has to talk to others, you won't be alone...they can stick to you like glue, and you won't be vulnerable to the rest of them.
I am sorry for your lose.
I am sorry for your lose. All of the advice here is very good. I know I am going to have to deal with this also again some day. I hate funerals; nobody likes them for sure.
If it were me, in your position, I would go and pay your respects. Your MIL has had your back and she would appreciate your gracious presence.
You can get through this with subdued behavior and think of it only as a few hours of displeasure. I feel your discomfort; I also hate it when you have to deal with passive aggression. People will notice your classy behavior, as well as SD's bad behavior, no matter what she has said about you.
Example: When my SGS31 (cancer) passed in a neighboring State, my DH didn't want to attend (his health); therefore, we didn't drive to the services. Word got back to me later that SD56 was saying things about why "I didn't bring her Dad to the services". She was talking very loudly and making sure all could hear. It didn't go over well with a lot of people, who I thought would have believed her; they only got back to me and extended their concern for my feelings for our loss.
This is why I tell you this; most times it isn't as it seems. Will be thinking about you, hang in there.