you can certainly do this if you enjoy and and want to.

Depends on whether the BM is involved at school. This backfired on me once with nasty emails about overstepping and ultimately neither of us volunteered.

If BM is involved, stay away...If not, go ahead.

I considered this as well when SD7 started school because this would be right up my alley too. Then I decided I'll just wait until I have my own Bios, I'd rather not put that much effort into something that won't be appreciated. BM goes to all fields trips etc. So I stay away from it. SD begs me to go on the field trips. My schedule is pretty open but I tell her I have to work. I really just don't want to be competing with BM on a field trip. BM is the "look at me" and "SD come sit with me" type of person. I can just picture SD saying "I want to be in steplifes group for this trip!" And BM throwing a fit embarrassing the crap out of SD in front of teachers, etc. As they would probably assign SD to BMs group.

My SS is going to start PreK3 next week and I plan on being apart of his school activities. BM didn't even want to send him so we don't know if she will even try to help out with classroom activities. I guess we will know if she shows up to orientation in a couple of days! I plan on being there for SS just in case plus my mom did these things for me so I just think someone should be doing it for SS. And DH will be helping out too so it will be the both of us.

Even when a BM is somewhat involved, IMO there I still room for a SM to also be involved. Here the classroom activities (such as classroom holiday parties, class field trips, volunteer class book readers blah blah ) are child's classroom focus. Our PTO is entire grade school focused.

Our PTO focuses on school fund raisers (playground equipment, biddy basketball, turkey noddle dinner, santa breakfast, field day blah blah...activities/events where the grade school children all can take part , not as individual classrooms ) the goal being betterment of entire grade school. For example if SM or BM joined PTO and signed up to be chairman of the annual fall turkey noodle dinner, it's a lot more work and time involving (event for like 500 people and open to the general public as a fund raiser) then volunteering to bring cupcakes on classroom Valentines Day class party or volunteering to go on say kindergarten field trip to the zoo.

I think the problems come when BM and SM both want to be the one to do the cupcake/zoo thing. How unnecessary is it for two woman to play 'I want to be the mommy for that day', obviously that is BM's roll if she choses to ant to do it...it is afterall, her child and the two of you there would be ridiculous. Not to mention take a spot away from yet another child's mother to have room to volunteer. How many people are needed to serve cupcakes and lead a game or two for 20-25 kids?

On the otherhand, if BM doesn't want to do the classroom stuff or doesn't have time to do it, it's silly to deny SM from then doing it if she has the time and desire.

It's also not uncommon here for Dad to be a classroom helper or to join the PTO and be chairman of a fundraiser for playground equipment. Some father's here even do the cupcake/zoo thing.

I don't see any problem with as many people being involved in a childs education. I am one of the people who could care less what BM thinks or does. Do what you want and what makes you happy. This of course may come with issues but just brush them off and keep on keeping on.

What happens if a MIL decides to do the PTA thing when SM's kids start school? Will she be overstepping or a loving grandma who just wants to be involved with her grandkids education?