The other mom?
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Want to know everyone's opinion? My BS6 has been calling his SM his other mom. He has been doing so ever since he started talking. I confronted my ex about this and he says no child of his house will be treated differently and he doesn't believe in the name "step" anything. Im really frustrated because of this. My BS6 tells me nice things all the time about his SM im sure she loves him although I cant stand her. Am I wrong for demanding he not call her his other mom?
he should NOT be calling his
he should NOT be calling his SM "mom"...I do not condone that since you seem to be a very active BM in his life.....
I also agree. He knows who
I also agree.
He knows who his Mom is.
His relationship with his Dad and SM are none of your business (provided he is not being abused).
A story from my standpoint: My SD told me the other day that when FDH and I are married I will be her "other Mom". I said, "How about I just be TJH". She got upset and felt like she did something wrong. I felt like I was placed into a terrible position. I know I'm not her Mom. I don't want to be her Mom. I don't want to replace her Mom. I don't want her Mom to feel like I am doing any of those things. But to SD, she was just saying how she felt. And I upset because when I corrected her, I basically told her what she felt was wrong. I'm not sure as a SM how this should have been handled and FDH didn't know either.
I don't know what the answer is, but I think too many people get wrapped up in what everyone else is doing when what they really should be worried about is working on themselves and their own relationships.
I agree with Echo also. In
I agree with Echo also. In any event you can only stop him from saying the words in your presence - you can't stop his feelings or what he says when you're not around.
I know it hurts - you think you're being replaced but humans have the capacity to love many people without reducing the love they have for others. Consolation? She's the "other" one - you're the real one and I think that's why he uses that word.
I think if anything you
I think if anything you should feel happy that the SM isnt being called mom and that's it. My skids slipped into that at one point. It got very confusing for them now they call me "mommy lil_lady". On that note my ss does this and cant say it properly. What it does sound like is how you say mother in my SOs native language. My SO was told in a parenting class he took that it is good for skids to have a special name for their SM. BM got upset when she heard that SO told the skids instead of calling me mom they could call me the word for mother in his native language. Well SD7 got the vibe that BM was not ok with that.. im not sure what happened she left our home liking it came back hating it. Now that ss is calling me what he does SD doesn't want to she would rather just call me mommy because she doesn't like that word... imagine the struggle we are having now figuring out a happy medium with SD. Moral of the story... other mom not the worst thing and a lot better then the alternative of your child catching onto the tje fact that you dont like the word "other".
Went to click the like button
Went to click the like button on this lol but extremely well put!
Love this. Idk why BMs think
Love this. Idk why BMs think we WANT to be called mom. I don't want SD to call me mom. I know one day it may happen. She went from calling me "Ms. Queen" To "Queen" to "my Queen" over the years.
I DON'T WANT anyone but my OWN (future) kids calling me mom. But if it makes SD feel more comfortable & like she fits in more when she is here, then I'd let her - because I do have love for her & want her to be happy.
granted, im not a mom so i
granted, im not a mom so i cant imagine how id feel. we also dont have the benefit of the back story as to why you hate this woman.
but your little boy is happy and loved, and perhaps calling her "other mom" also helps him cope and try to understand the situation?
He calls her "mom" .In my
He calls her "mom" .In my presence while telling a story he says my other mom. My ex claims he did it on his own when he started talking . He says he has two moms.
This made me think of the
This made me think of the movie Coraline...the "other mother" ended up being an evil wicked spider...just sayin
^^^THIS^^^
^^^THIS^^^
IMHO if you cant get past
IMHO if you cant get past your child making the connection of step mom and wanting to honnor that you dont have their best interest in mind. I know that sounds harsh but humor me and read on. Psychologically I cant imagine the damage of having someone telling a child no dont ever call me that. You are refusing them the love that they want to give you. when I started calling my step dad "dad" I would have been horrifically hurt if he had said no. He might aswell have said I don't love you and I don't care!
That said I dont think any child should use the same variation of mom as they use for BM. Every time my SD has ever brought it up I make sure to tell her that she always has her mommy and I will never replace her.
Seriously, get over it and
Seriously, get over it and yourself. Your pride and insecurities shouldn't be placed on your child.
As Echo said, it's his relationship to define.
My SS wanted to call me mom, but his BM told him he'd be punished for it if he did. He introduces me to people (not connected with the BM) as his mom, but calls me by my first name. I'm personally not comfortable with him actually calling me mom - it makes me itchy.
You need to focus on your relationship with your child and not how he chooses to define his relationships that have nothing to do with you.
If his SM is so awesome and caring for him as her own, you need to be grateful and humble. If she was a total bitch to your kid, you'd hate that also.
My step kids called me mom
My step kids called me mom and my children called my husband dad. It is just a word. What do you want her to be called? I understand you can't stand her - believe me I do. I can't stand my husband's ex - two of the step kids mom. She is just trash period. I raised the kids - not their "real" mom. She was always talking trash to them about me. Of course, I wasn't writing hot checks, doing drugs, etc...I digress - sorry. Anyway, now I don't mean much of anything to them so the word mom really doesn't matter. I would worry more if there were other words used.