you're jealous over a six year old! it's okay. It's tough having to "share" your man with a child. My SD is 16 and she used to sit on my DH's lap every chance she got. She'd squeeze between us if we were sitting on the couch watching television; i'd think, "what the hell. does she want to f#ck him too." i hated it. I talked to DH about it and told him it was weird!! she lives with us and he tries really hard. He's done better.

Just remember, he loves her and (I'm assuming he loves you) he love you too. It's a different type of love and woman are demanding.

Talk with him. She's a little girl so it's up to you and him. But rest assured, your feelings aren't unusual or unwarranted. You're normal. Welcome to the step parenting world! It pretty much sucks!!

I know exactly how you feel! My boyfriend has a 3 year old daughter who I despise. She is spoiled rotten because her dad only has her every other week (even though I think that is plenty!). She cannot speak without whining, won't sleep in her own bed, wakes up 3-4 times in the middle of the night screaming, cries when she doesn't get her way, & just thinks the whole world revolves around her- & the bio family encourages all this behavior. Bio mom is complete trash so we can't expect to ever get any help from her- in fact, she has set out to ruin our relationship, she actually said she was not going to do anything to change the kid's issues because she is "not going to do anything to help our relationship." She claims the kid is not spoiled, she is just loved. My boyfriend stays with me every other week when he does not have the kid, & I still see him when he has her, just not overnight because I can't deal with the bedtime issues. We want to move in together but I just don't know if I can deal. People have actually said I am jealous of the kid, but in reality.. I have no kids of my own so naturally it is hard to share the attention with a child when I am used to having it all for myself (previous relationships never involved kids.) My boyfriend thinks his daughter is a princess & thinks nothing needs to be changed, even though we fight about it constantly & I am upset on a regular basis. Unfortunately, I am not really able to give advice because I haven't figured out how to handle the situation myself! But I wanted to let you know you are definitely not alone!

If you aren't married yet. SERIOUSLY think about it. It doesn't get any better after the wedding. I have been with my husband for 3 years now. Only one of them married though. I didn't like his kid before we got married. I thought...maybe he will grow on me. I can handle it for a few years. It's just a phase. He'll outgrow it. BOY WAS I WRONG!!!!!!! I was only fooling myself. I still can't stand ss. He is the most annoying little whining brat ever. Not one thing has gotten better.

If you are having this much trouble now, REALLY think about where you want your future to go. It may be easier to just move on.

**LONG**

I think at one point or another we have all been there that we wish the SK/s would go AWAY. The BM's are something else. They would NEVER change anything that you or the DH mentions, even if it means helping the kids out. They usually do more harm to the kids then help b/c most situations the BM's are jealous that the guy they were with moved on and don't want them anymore so the only thing they can do is use the kid/s any way they can. It hurts the kids and the dad's in the long run, but they don't care.

One thing that might help you out a bit is if you have any nieces, nephews, friends with kids, set up a play date. Have them come over and play with her then that will give you some extra alone time with your BF. BF feels bad that he doesn't spend much time with her so he feels guilty and will do anything for her. Unfortunately, this will not get better until she is way older and even then it might not. Some kids are able to do things alone after they start school and have been there for a while. When she wants bigger things, you just have to explain to her that she has small things b/c she is smaller and for food, her stomach is smaller. For the bed, her body is smaller. She will possibly grow out of that, but if they keep on letting her do whatever she wants and thinks it's cute they will see in the future how bad it will get. I would stop the extra entertaining things just b/c she comes over or ease out of it. If she learns that it's not all fun and games and sometimes we are just relaxing, she might calm down while watching tv (this is part of the school thing too). Time to watch tv in her own room. She hates shopping, too bad, we have to go.

I tell ya, it's hard to tell BF's and DH's anything about their kids. They have guilt already so it's like pulling teeth to get them to listen to anything you have to say. I have SS10 that sometimes just drives me nuts. His BM let him do whatever he wanted his whole life and he came to live with us after she killed herself and it's been a struggle ever since. I feel real bad for him, but the Sparenting thing is not as easy as it seems. It's so hard b/c you have these feelings of I wish things would go back to the way they were before you came. I miss those days. He can work a nerveeeeeeee. He takes my BD6's toys and breaks them. He is always making jokes and I feel like you, like a forced smile, when on the inside I am thinking go away. I felt so horrible about the way feel until I found this site. But, I felt so horrible about the way I felt. I love kids and have never had these feelings toward a kid until he came to live with us. It's like I don't have time to fix BM's bad parenting. I have been trying to raise my BM6 right and he comes along and is changing it. My daughter has become meaner since he's been here and thinks she can say the things he says b/c BM let him swear and say whatever he wanted. Well, no 10yr old is gonna swear in front or around me. I will put my foot in it and so would DH. He says other words that aren't swearing, but they aren't great and my BD is picking up on stuff. It's like he is a kid who knows too much.

I would suggest maybe step back a bit and see if this is what you really want. It does NOT become easier as you go. Or maybe spend less time with him when he's with his BD or just suggest new things like I mentioned above. But if you say something to him about her, he will be defensive. Think before you say anything. One more thing that might help you is someone on here suggested the book Stepmonster by Wednesday Martin (I think that's the authors name) and I have yet to read it, but it's on my list of things to do. She describes all the feelings of a Step mom.

Good luck!

oh boy honey yeah it does not get easier. as many posters have written, he will get extremely defensive if you try to talk with him about the SK, but this is no life for you to live as you are. If you want to move in together, you should have a serious talk with him to see if this is going to work for both of you or not. Just sit him down and explain that the way things are right now are not working for you, and you would like to talk to see what can be done to make both of you happy. Make sure to let him know that (if you infact are) willing to make some compromises BUT he has to make compromises as well. Figure out what will make both of you happy at take baby steps to work towards it. Let's face it, with SK's neither one of you are going to be 100% in love with the situation. He is going to want to be around his kid all the time, and you are never going to want the SK around and all the drama that comes along with it....So you need to both figure out what you are willing to deal with, what your limits are, see if you can come up with a plan, and if he's not willing to budge, then get out before you take things any further. Cuz a guy with a kid who isn't willing to take your happiness and feelings into consideration is going to be a NIGHTMARE to deal with down the road. good luck

Get him a copy of the book "Stepmonster" - the book - not the movie and make sure he reads it. It opened my SO's eyes.

Let him read how I feel. I wrote this as advice for a lady who's husband ignores her children. My SD8 has an attention seeking disorder (they have her on ADHD meds which is Bull Sh!t) But here is how I feel about my SD. I'm going to show this to my DH.

The truth is I WANT to like you kids but I can't.
I've tried but they bother me so intensely that I want nothing to do with them.
That is why I hide.
So I don't freak out on them and give them the spankings they deserve.
I especially don't like the want they treat you.
Many times you put them before me and you probably don't even know you are doing it or that it hurts my feelings.
I have seriously thought about leaving this marriage because I can't deal with this anymore.
The truth is that I must love you a hell of a lot to put up with their sh!t.
But don't force me to have anything to do with your kids.
I feel nothing for them and I feel guilty about feeling this way.
I am in survival mode right now just praying for the day they move out!
The quicker they better.
At that point I hope there is enough of our marriage left to let me be with the person I feel in love with.
And under NO circumstances will they move back in after they are adults or I will leave.

I also asked my DH and my MIL and FIL -Would you rather have her love you for being a bad parent or hate you for being a good one?-

That question turned a light bulb on for my DH

Also have BF watch this link http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3CUy0Ijsyww
*I hope this helps*

Just note my SD8 excessively seeks positive attention not negative. It's difficult because I don't want to be mean. But a good indication of whether the attention seeking is appropriate or not is your own feelings. If it annoys you it is inappropriate.
Try ignoring her. and get BF to see it too. Chances are he gets annoyed too but doesn't realized it's a problem because it's not a traditional negative behavior.
I bet she interrupts, asks "duh" questions, and overstates the obvious all the time. She 6 so some of this is age related but I promise it will continue if you both don't do something.

When she does this if ignoring (which might cause her to then seek negative attention) her doesn't help. Look this kid right in the eye and ask her "Are you feeling left out?" or "Are you not getting enough attention right now?"

If BF refuses to accept and be reasonable about your feelings it will never change and you are headed down a slippery slope of wasting your life waiting for a guy and a relationship that will NEVER happen even when SD is an adult.

My advice is give this a try if it doesn't help get out now before you are married and have your own children together. Because your own kids will get 2nd rate treatment from BF and his family.
There are a lot of good men out there. Don't waste your life waiting for a relationship when he is already involved in a relationship that will dominate every aspect of his life for the rest of his life.

Agree with Boottuff - DON'T make any permanent committments - it will NOT get any better. Boyfriend will always take SD side over yours - blood is thicker than a marriage certificate. Every time the Skids visit, it is a warzone. I am contemplating divorce - we have no kids to keep us together. I didn't ask for the hell that the skids are putting me/us through - and I am powerless to do anything about it except leave. Don't make the same mistake I made.

Speaking from experience...GET OUT NOW & SAVE YOURSELF! My SD is now 16.5 years old. I met her when she was 16 mos old; my hubby got full custody of her when she was 4. Needless to say, she's been living with us full-time since she was 4. Everyone thought that she was little miss perfect but I knew that she was a spoiled brat; everyone felt sorry for her cause her BM was such a drug-addict loser. Even with BM out of the picture, it was still sheer hell dealing with my hubby's mother. She was very controlling of how the kid should be brought up. The nerve... my mother-in-law popped her 1st kids out at age 20 & didn't go on to college. My hubby & I have a 5 yr old son together; I was 33 when I gave birth to him. I was 13 yrs older than my mom-in-law when I became a mom.

It's been a VERRRRY long journey. My SD & I are okay with one another today (we've come a long way) but we have our moments. Adolescent girls are different than adolescent boys, mind you. The girl gets attitude with those raging hormones. I've been trying to get her to find a job the last couple of months so that she can help pay for her share of car insurance when she gets her license. I had my first job when I was 14 yrs old. My SD is just plain lazy; a prima-donna. Gets money & stuff handed to her. Can't wait till she goes off to college 7 hours away but that's just til she graduates and she'll move back with us, probably if she doesn't find a job right away. Is it going to end? Sometimes I think that I'm at wits-end. I've bugged my hubby to go after his ex for back child-support before she turns 18. I've been helping to support her for 12+ years; I'd say I'm out thousands of dollars. I work full-time & make the same amount of money that my hubby makes. GET OUT WHILE YOU STILL CAN... There are men out there without children. Or, find a man whose children are grown & have moved out on their own (if you like older men). Good luck!

You HAVE to talk with him. You HAVE to communicate to him that it is simply not working for you. How seriously he takes you and IF he is willing to make the necessary changes would be my deciding factor. If he is unwilling to even see any problem, then I would get the hell outta dodge, imo b/c I personally think everyone is right about it not getting any easier.