I am so stressed right now. I have come so far from my grand expectations of a smooth transition from singular me to having a cohesive family. I am two months away from getting married to the best man I have ever know and yet having doubts about it because I don't know if I am up for 8 years of drama bullshit with his children and ex wife. She is without a doubt borderline personality disorder. So here is the situation I am currently in.

As of two weeks ago I am no longer letting ss17 live with us anymore. He can come over and spend time with his dad anytime but he will not reside under my roof. I know how harsh this sounds.

SS17 has lived a life without discipline. My fiance would have liked to change this many times but mother of the year (moty) has never allowed it. Her interest is being best friends with her kids as they are simply an extension of who she is. When they do something bad and get in trouble its like a slap in the face to her directly.

So in the last two months SS had decided that rules no longer apply to him. He had been doing drugs and drinking in the past but as far as I could tell was not doing them anymore (at least not with being caught) He had started leaving and coming home whenever he felt like it regardless of what his father or I had told him. One night he and his hoodlum friends were out driving around at four am and got into a car wreck. His arm was badly broken and is currently held together with 13 screws. He healed up for about two weeks and his mother kept him in check. As far as he is concerned the car accident was because his friends car was old and crappy. No fault of his or his friends at all. So he was back to doing the same shit as always. What brought about latest incident was him strolling in at 7am and being told he was grounded. When he finally wakes up around 5pm he gets up and leaves with some of his other friends. Comes back home and doesn't see why dad is pissed. He asks to go to the races with his mom's BF dad lets him go on the condition he is back right when its over (we talked about this)He left races early and announced that he was going over to friend A's house to play Magic Dad says ass home before midnight. 12:30 rolls around and dad has been calling and getting no answer for 15 minutes so goes looking for his kid. Not where he was supposed to be. Dad talked to local cop to see if anybody had seen him. SS was driving around with the kid that he got into the accident with. SS walks in about 1:15 I say to call your dad because he is out looking for you. When my fiance got home he is fuming as any parent would be. So he begins the going off at his son. Things escalate and my fiance slaps his son in the face, not hard. SS calls mom and says "dad hit me in my bad arm" Well MOTY shows up with the cops and my fiance has to spend the next 45 minutes in jail. Cop feels terrible for having to arrest him since the local PD know all about this kid. So my fiance has no ability to discipline his child without the mother completely undermining. They are under a no contact order and I am good with that. After this incident I find that there is stuff getting stolen from our home. Loretab that was kept in our room safely put away, money from our dresser and from my purse. I am just at the end of allowing this disruptive force in my home. So jump to yesterday. It was SS birthday. Dad was not wanting to do nothing on his birthday so he found a southpark sound clip card. Moty freaked out because it said "slap my ass and call me charlie" SS would love the card and find it funny. She claimed she would not give card to her son. It is to the point where SS thinks his dad is an asshole and has since their divorce. Which she confided in him and all the "horrible" things their dad did to her. (she is the cheating whore in that relationship)

Fiance and I are doing everything we can to protect SD10 from becoming like this. She is younger and is getting established with our rules pretty well. She is a good kid. Moody but overall a good kid. I worry that MOTY will end up causing her much grief in life.

I am just stressed to the point of not knowing what to do. I love this man with all my heart. He is good and decent. I have never met anyone like him. I don't want to give him up because he has a psycho ex wife but I'm not sure how to live with her monthly shit for the next 8 years. Funny thing about SS is he isn't even biokid to my fiance. He was adopted at 3 after his biodad kidnapped him and when he was returned gave up all rights.