OT - Are You an Annoying Step Kid?
Another post got me thinking about this. For those of you who are a step kid yourself, have you found yourself doing (or, in the past, have done) things that we all consider no-no's?
I know I have committed some step kid sins, including:
- Using my Dad as an ATM when I was a teenager and refusing visitation because I was a bratty teen
- Using my SF as a scapegoat when I was a teen
- Relaying information about my parents' separate households to the other paren (I still sometimes do this, but am trying to stop)
- Listening to my Mom wholly and accepting her version of the story as "The One and Only Truth"
- Challenged my SF and definitely claimed myself as an equal in the household as a teen
- Moved back in as an adult (to be fair, I was working and paying rent, and I had a more-or-less definitive move-out date)
What are your annoying step kid habits?
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Comments
I wasn't a stepkid but I
I wasn't a stepkid but I wasn't always a great "kid".. I did my share of gray hair things to my parents.
Lied about stuff (like dating a guy in his 20's when I was 16...lol)
Failed out of an Ivy League college
pilfered change and more from my mom's coat pockets.
Lots of stuff that if I had been a stepkid.. my step parents would have had a valid reason to not like me...lol.
I feel so guilty now because
I feel so guilty now because I refused to go to my dad's on many weekends, and I know it broke his heart. I remember my bff telling me that he was asking her parents why they thought I wasn't coming to his home. It's such a terrible feeling to remember.
Also, my mother told me why they got divorced many times (her version anyway), so I also blamed my dad, but my dad kept his mouth shut about it. Therefore, I never heard my dad's side of the story until just last year when he finally told me. I was 38 by then.
To be fair, it is not easy
To be fair, it is not easy for kids to go see the NCPs especially if they don't live near the kid's friends and other activities. I know both my SD's got caught up in sports and friends as they went from JR high to high school.. our house was more boring because they didn't know any kids around (we were very rural).. and if you think about it, the average kid doesn't spend 24/7 with a parent when they are in a "in tact family" most of the time...
So, my DH understood they had competing desires and that the choices weren't necessarily choosing the BM over him.. it's just because that's where they lived most of the time.
My mom told me her side,
My mom told me her side, which fueled me not wanting to stay with him. As I get older, though, I think it's best that they are apart and both seem pretty equally at fault given their personalities.
I've tried to prepare my DH
I've tried to prepare my DH for the time when SSs will not want to come to stay for the weekend, reminding him that when he was a teenager, he wanted to go out with his friends and didn't sit around hanging out with his parents. He assures me that they will always want to come and if they don't, he will force them. I think we have 2-3 more years before they stop wanting to come on weekends. One is less social, so he might still come on weekends, but the other one won't.
BM loves to tell SSs that "your father caused the divorce". DH keeps his mouth shut and hopes they realize when they get older how abusive BM was and is towards him. I've told him that she is their mother and at least one of them will always see her as a saint. The truth of the matter is that BM and DH never should have gotten married in the first place, because they didn't even really get along before they got married. Also, BM never would have filed for divorce if she hadn't met another man. She claims that she wasn't cheating on DH, but her current SO moved in less than four months after she kicked DH out. I'm assuming BM feels the need to point the finger of blame at DH because she figures the kids will someday realize how quickly their stepdad moved in.
I honestly think that parents who share anything about their divorce or the breakdown of their relationship with their kids are being weak and putting their own needs before their children's. Adult relationships are complicated. A lot of people don't choose wisely, so many relationships break down. If there were no children, then these two people would never speak with one another again. Parents are human and flawed and they make mistakes. Kids don't have the wherewithal to understand this. I think being able to see your parents for who they are and not who you want them to be, is only something that happens with time and maturity. Some people never reach that place.
I did not like my Bio-dad so
I did not like my Bio-dad so I never played the game between them. I did tell my step-mom at the time all the stuff that he lied to her about. He lied to her a lot and she believed him for a long time but got over that eventually. She told me how I should treat him and respect him and I told her until she knew all the details of all the crap he did to me, my brother, and my mother she can shut up. I will never feel bad about the stuff with her or him. I am friends with her on facebook and even text her her and there and they are divorced. I do not talk to bio-dad at all.
As for my mom and step-dad it was rocky at first and he made his mistakes and so did but we learned and now we have a great relationship. I did try to get break them up by driving a wedge between them. I never lied about anything because I am the worst at lying. I threw fits at first but that was more because my mom moved me several states away to marry him.
I had my grudge and used it to get whatever I wanted for the first year we all lived together. I was not the worst skid just and angry teenager. I think only once I ever yelled at him that he was not my dad but it was really early in the beginning.
This is kind of OT - but I
This is kind of OT - but I know my DD would be an awful skid. Her father is MIA (jail) and has been her whole life. I have thought a lot about if it's my parenting that has made her this way but my son doesn't act like her at all. I really think that part of why she would be a bad skid is because of genetics from her dad.
She plagiarized a project. I took away everything except for books and she didn't even care. I am scared to death of when she becomes a teenager.
Relaying information about my
Relaying information about my parents' separate households to the other paren (I still sometimes do this, but am trying to stop)
I was pumped for information, but told them to deal with each other, that if they wanted to know so much they could pick up the phone and call.
Moved back in as an adult (to be fair, I was working and paying rent, and I had a more-or-less definitive move-out date)
I was 18, and moved back in for 2 months - I'd had a transient ischemic attack, and my family felt I should move home for a while. The stress of being home was so much that I had a second TIA.... and promptly left again. I was also paying rent - 200$ a week.
No, my parents are still
No, my parents are still married but they both try to PAS me. TO THIS VERY DAY. Drives me crazy.
*I tried to play both my
*I tried to play both my patents against each other (first try and didn't work)
*When I turned 16 and got my license, my mom let me use her car. I showed up unannounced at my dads and sm's home and used my key (dad was gone and sm took my key that my dad apparently snuck and gave it to me). She told me that was rude and not everyone in "their" home had a key (my 6 y/o sister and her 6y/o neice they adopted). Dad gave me another key but I never did that again.
*I once got sassy and told my sm she was not my mom (my bm got onto me for saying that and being rude to sm)
*When my sdad and mom separated he left telling me he was going out of town. I later found out they were separated and when he would call my little brothers I would get an attitude when I discovered he was on the other line (he put a stop to that the second time I did it)
*As an adult (my dad is on wife #2(he and mom never married) I gave his second wife a piece of my mind and called her childish, petty and insecure. She did try to drive a wedge between dad, my sister's and I for some reason and still'secretly' feels threatened by us but tried to replace us with her kids (including theirs together). Any who, she told my dad I "threatened her" which was untrue but he believed her and cut us off for a year. He finally discovered some of the things she did/said to us behind his back, through my gma and uncle and confronted her with said things and he told her she's to tend to her kids, he to his and they tend to their marriage.
I didn't become a stepkid
I didn't become a stepkid until last year. I have a great relationship with my SM.
Yep, terrible sd here in my
Yep, terrible sd here in my early teens to my first stepdad. In fairness, my mother caused it by moving him in and forcing me to call him dad after a year of dating, having him discipline (he was weak as hell), and disrespecting him to others while expecting me to respect him. He was smart and left. I NOW respect that about him. I found him on fb while going through stepshit and planned to reach out, but decided against it since it felt like karma was giving me a dose of what I put out.
The stepdad I got at around 18-19 is my "dad" probably because I never had to live with them. I love him to pieces! Besides our opposing political/social beliefs which I no longer spout now that I'm in my late 30's, we're peas in a pod with my mom sometimes on the outside. I make sure to look at things objectively when she tries to spew her side of a situation. And I praise him for taking care of her crazy butt so I don't have to! He's a great man...and I don't have to call him "dad" to show I love and respect him.
I'm not a step kid...... but
I'm not a step kid...... but here's my answers as a bio kid
-Used your Dad as an ATM - hell yes, refused to talk to him cause he said NO, yell yes - did it help - Hell NO
-Used SF as scapegoat - nah did not have a step parent but hell yes, depending on which parent pissed me off, used then as scapegoat to get my way
- Relaying information about my parents' separate households - hell yes, not separate house holds but tattled on my parents, if one did something when the other one was not there, to get my way.... Mum bumped his car, Dad washed his overalls in her washing machine...
- Listening to my Mom wholly and accepting her version of the story as "The One and Only Truth" - hell YES and changed my story if Dad told me something, especially when they had an argument, I sided with the one I could benefit from the most
- Challenged my SF and definitely claimed myself as an equal in the household as a teen - Who does not do this, regardless if it's a step parent or bio parent, they get challenged by teens who think they know it all, parents are dumb and old fashioned, you know best and they should listen - did I get away with it, oh hell NO
- Moved back in as an adult (to be fair, I was working and paying rent, and I had a more-or-less definitive move-out date) NO never... but bio's do move back if they are allowed, my brother did for 4 months and moved out on his own lol,
I can add to this - ignored a parent giving you a chore, YES
Replied to a parent, Will do it in a second and never do it... causing the parent to moan in your ears for hours till they loose it....
Pretend to listen to a parent and staring at them with blank eyes thinking Oh eff off....
Telling a parent, I'm 16 now and basically an adult you can't ell me what to do....
Try and get away with : But all my friends are doing it why can't I
Scream at your parents, I hate you.. when not allowed to go out to a party....
Challenged authority
It's not only skids and steps going through this, it's bio's as well...
Not as step but I did pretty
Not as step but I did pretty much every bad thing a skid does that we read and post about.
I never busted curfew but I sure did party the time I was allowed out, I actually told my Mom where I was and what I was doing.
Cut school, a lot.
Had sex in my parents house and got caught.