Suddenly BM now wants to co-parent for the very first time.
I posted yesterday (and took it down) about SS10 being afraid of BM's boyfriend's anger.
DH's lawyer read the frantic texts SS sent DH after the boyfriend scared him the other night -- and said she is going to try to get court ordered counseling for skids. She suggested DH message BM suggesting counseling and send her the convo.
Of course, BM was not receptive. She got mad and started telling DH he needed counseling, he is sick in the head, etc.
This morning, BM randomly messaged DH that "they" need to speak with SS10 together. This is exactly the first time in 8 years (since they split) that she has ever once attempted to co-parent. Usually her boyfriends pay dad and she completely ignores DH (except when it comes to money). DH has never been kept in the loop about school, doctors, sports, anything.
I have to admit it hurts that now she wants a family meeting. I have been in these kids lives for 7-ish years and suddenly.... family time with mom and dad! I am willing to back off and let them do whatever they need for SS - I know he is having a hard time.
DH does not want to talk to SS with her. He thinks it is a ploy to try to keep SS away from a counselor. He thinks she is afraid of any "truth" coming out. It makes sense.
What do you guys think? What would you do?
I feel sick to my stomach over this but I can't let it get me off track... I have been doing so well focusing more each day on ME. For once.
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relax AJ - suggest to DH,
relax AJ - suggest to DH, that he tells BM you will attend the meeting and her BF as well....
seeing both steps are involved in this kids life it's only going to be fare, you do not have to say anything, just be there as moral support for DH, he will be stronger with you at his side...
or DH should simply ignore BM and go ahead with CO for therapy.... I would do this before meeting the beatch
I would agree to them talking
I would agree to them talking to SS together...but under the supervision of a therapist. No way after 8 years of non co-parenting would I start now when things are stressed enough as it is.
If a meeting has to happen
If a meeting has to happen then your DH should insist that you and stepdad be present. I know some people won't agree with me on that but I feel like the Stepdad is what caused this incident and BM wasn't there. It would be good for your DH to hear what the stepdad has to say and if he is going to be there then you might as well be there too. That being said, I don't really think a family pow-wow is going to do much. If this situation is anything like mine I will predict that it will just turn into a screaming match between BM and your DH whether the steps (parents and kids) are there or not. I think counseling would be a good move on the kid's part. He will have a safe place he can talk to about the situations he goes through with both houses. The fact BM doesn't want to go makes me think there is more stuff going on that a therapist might not like and that's why she doesn't want to have him seen. Have the lawyer keep trying. Have your DH tell BM that if there will be a meeting it will not be in place of counseling and both step parents should be there with the kid to talk about the rules and consequences in both houses. It won't be a debate and it won't be a conversation between BM and DH, its a conversation with the kid by ALL parents about what is going on.
Edited to add: I would also record the Family Powwow if it happens just so BM cant twist anything you say later.
Ugh, the dreaded "can we meet
Ugh, the dreaded "can we meet together with SS" request. BM2 pulled this a month or so ago. Got my tinsel all in a tangle and it never happened. Why would I think it would? This is a woman, who like your BM hasn't given AF in years! Tries to keep DH involved in as LITTLE as possible when it comes to SS. Only contacts DH when she wants money. Only my skid is almost 18. Little late for BM to be concerned enough to want to include DH in some stupid little conversation with SS... conversations that DH has had with the kid since he was 11. P.o.i.n.t.l.e.s.s.
Hahahahahaha! Yeah, no way.
Hahahahahaha! Yeah, no way.
The only place DH and BM
The only place DH and BM should be meeting is at the counsellor's office. Otherwise, heck to the no! All of what the others say.
It's a trap for sure. These
It's a trap for sure. These meetings are always one direction diatribes about what they will and will not allow the other parent and step what to do.
I would only agree to meet if you meet with a mediator. And not until the SF apologizes for his rant and signs up for counseling to control his anger and you receive notification from the counselor that he/she believes he has demonstrated the ability to control his temper.
So essentially, never.
I think you're 100%
I think you're 100% correct---she wants to "talk to SS together" because she wants to avoid a therapist and prevent SS from saying anything she doesn't want getting out.
NOPE. Your Dh's answer should be, "I would be happy to meet with you, SS and the counselor. Here are a few I've selected, do any of them sound good to you?"
I do NOT agree with the
I do NOT agree with the meeting involving the SF. If he was the one that had SS so scared, why would anyone put SS in the position of fear by having to discuss it with the man?? The SS texted his Dad for help...so then in return he is made to confront the SF.
Bad idea....the SS will never tell you anything again if he is put in that position.
I would have a discussion with BM first without SS there and then again with SS present.
But I would NEVER involve the SF unless both Bio's can agree as to how it should be handled.
The SS was scared...SF was losing it and yelling and carrying on. SS needs to know he is being
protected from that type of behavior. Not forced to tattle in front of the man.
The next time SF has the kid alone, it could be worse and SS will not say anything.