am i wrong, plz help
I get completely disrespected by the wife's ex husband. Me and the wife have a kid together and I've expressed how I don't want someone who can't respect me to not be around our child, she doesn't agree and says I'm teaching our kid to hate.plz I need an outside opinion.
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Why in the world is your
Why in the world is your child around your wife's ex husband?
Her kids ask forour child to
Her kids ask forour child to come see them, football games he will make a point of coming and talking to the child when I'm not there, ect.
I'm a little confused on that
I'm a little confused on that as well. Why do they have to go? Is the skid not allowed to soend time with the other kids when ex isnt there?
Her kids want to babysit our
Her kids want to babysit our child but never at our house, and as far as the games and stuff if I'm working there is no choice, I just strongly feel if someone can't respect me as a person why am I gonna allow them to be around my child taking a chance of them treating my child the same or running me down to them.
No its not always that is,
No its not always that is, arguing with the wife isn't fun for me or the kids, and find my balls? I thought this site was to help struggling step parents, I found my balls when I decided to try and be a step parent, there is nothing harder and less rewarding than that.I had an issue that was being made to feel guilty about and looked for a non bias opinion
No I am willing and have but
No I am willing and have but I'm left with guilt trips and fights that I'm so tired of to the point I've searched the internet for support and reason before this rips my family apart. I just needed to know I wasn't wrong, not be judge.not looking for a way without conflict just support
I agree!
I agree!
I have to agree with Sally,
I have to agree with Sally, also a step dad here, you have to grab 'em (the balls) on one of two matters:
1. With the wife and let her know why you dont want them to go and that's that.
2. Meet with the ex and find out what the real problem is. Not the bullshit passive-aggrsiveness he normally gives you. Win him over so he is at least neutral with you. This isnt a time for bitch-assness, this is a time for actions with solutions.
Just ask him "dude, what is your problem with me? Because i dont have the same problem with you..."
Sounds like you have a common
Sounds like you have a common problem, its BOUNDARIES
There is absolutely no problem with supporting and encouraging relationships between your child and their half siblings but there is absolutely no reason for the ex-partner (other bio-parent) to have any involvement in your child.
If you pass one another in the street, or at the same games then sure say hi but having the older kids babysit the kid at the exes house? Why dont you invite the ex over to entertain your wife whilst you go to the pub with your mates? Seriously to me it sounds just as ridiculous.
The older kids should not be dictating babysitting, if you need a babysitter by all means you can ask them but its to happen at your house. If they dont want to then hire a babysitter, this is YOUR child not the exes child, YOUR child should never be in the exes house.
Is the ex allowed in your house? Im guessing its happened if wifey thinks its ok for your kid to go between.
And yeah, Ill go ahead and say it to, grab hold of your balls and yank them back into your trousers because if you are getting emotionally bullied and guilt tripped by your wife when you are telling her that you do not want to be disrespected by HER ex to YOUR child then your balls are no longer in your own possession.
You do not outrank your wife on the parenting scale for HER children with her ex, but you are an EQUAL parent with your biological child. Sounds like shes too used to getting her own way with how things are handled for HER kids, thats fine, but this is YOUR child.
For the record I have stopped
For the record I have stopped my child from going over there but her oldest which is the one who told my five year old that its her its me not wanting her around her dad is living with a boyfriend and has been k3eping her there, but telling her things like that. When I say something to the wife about what she told our child she replies let me guess u don't want her going to my daughters anymore and that I'm teaching our 5 year to hate
SecondGen, you have a point!
SecondGen, you have a point! I have to remind my wife all the time that I'm not a co-parent like her ex. She is used to making the decisions because she is the primary with ss14 and makes 99% of decisions regarding him, so she often out of habit she disregards my opinion with our kids together. But after a little reminder that I'm here in the home and my thoughts and opinions effing matter, we're all good!
I think my biggest problem
I think my biggest problem with this is she doesn't feel the same as me, I feel this guy disrespects me and tells his his kids that they don't have to follow my rules and that I don't want my child listening to the same crap cause she already feeds off how the step kids talk and treat me and in return treats us the same way( she has ADHD and ODD) but I feel like as my wife I shouldn't have to argue this point that she should be jumping him for disrespecting me and telling him to leave our child alone but instead she is arguing with me, kinda feeling disrespected and less important than her ex and kids
OMG!!! Bro, I feel you and
OMG!!! Bro, I feel you and experience the the same thing! You wife, like mine, has "guilty parent syndrome". But sounds like your wife, slightly unlike mine, has a problem compromising. Thats why I have disengaged with her sons needs, since the ex's time seems to be more important than mine then when you need something for your kid call his dad. I just remind and show mine how much I love and respect them and how that should be returned regardless of what anyone else says or thinks.
I agree that your wife is the
I agree that your wife is the problem here. I've known quite a few divorced people and "healthy" divorced people don't seem to want to spend time with their ex or chit chat endlessly with their ex. There is something not quite right here.
I agree with all the posters that taking her to counseling would be a good idea. Within 3 visits, the counselor will tell her that she's siding with the wrong guy I think she needs to hear that from a professional.
Also, your skids are always going to fantasize about their mommy getting back together with their daddy. They ALL do that. So, they are definitely trying to create a wedge between you and your wife. But they have no right to push you around as a parent, don't let them.
You need some alone time with the wife to reconnect.
As much as my skid, ss14, has
As much as my skid, ss14, has pretended to tolerate me he has always held on old family pics of himself, his mom, and his dad and has them set up in his bedroom closet like a shrine. Like he goes in there and pretend THEY are still a family. Although they divorced when he was two.
So ur right, they think they will get back together and they have been seperated for 12 yrs and both remarried for at least 5 years.
Yep, my DH got rid of that
Yep, my DH got rid of that stuff. But my MIL and FIL keep that stuff around even though they absolutely hated BM. They still act like those were to gold ol days.
It's really wierd.
I guess we can't take it personally!
It's revisionist history. A
It's revisionist history. A study was conducted to send 12 people from Chicago on an all expense paid vacation to Florida. They called the subjects everyday 10-12 times a day to ask them how the trip is going at that very moment on a scale of 1-10. It was an average 6.5 overall, some 3's if they were rained in or got bad service from hotel staff and some 9's if it were a sunny day at the beach. 2 weeks after they returned to snowy Chicago they asked the subjects again what the overall experience was on a scale or 1-10. Can you guess what the score was? ...10.
"The good ol days" be like that...